Meds, Mind, Body & Benefits > Mental Health & HIV


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Im 7 months living with this and at times i feel strong with a determined attitude to not let this affect me but right now i feel suicidal, worthless, tainted, a waste, broke, in debt and just dont feel like trying to fight this anymore, i want out!!!...i am not on meds yet but have talked about it with my doc...this is probably one of my worst days...i feel like nobody gives a shit or knows what going on..

Jeff G:
HI Way . I glad you came here to voice your pain and frustration . I remember a time not long ago I was feeling pretty much like you just described , so it may feel like no one knows or cares but I promise you some of us do know and we care deeply because of it .

What is it going to take for you to feel better about your situation ?

I urge you to talk to your doctors or any other source of support you may have about this , in the mean time we are here and we hear you loud and clear .

Hi Whymeh,

I know it's hard. You already took a good step by reaching out here. Jeff is right about asking your docs for other sources of support.

What you're feeling is normal, but of course that doesn't make it any easier. It's a roller coaster sometimes, but remember you do get back to the ups. Give it time, too. The longer you have to come to know yourself and your HIV the more grounded about it you'll become.

But keep posting. You'll hear back from many voices all supporting you.

Sending love and best wishes. It *will* be better.

Well, we don't know all your particulars but it can be said that there are enough of us here who have been in dark passages of our lives, so can empathise with your present state of mind.
Try not to go too far in the feeling of being "worthless", "tainted" and a "waste" for having HIV now, or for having contracted it.  Really, that's all a mindset, there is nothing objective about those valuations...  And many of us have had to move through the same sentiments and it is possible.
It is also possible that there are other things in your life that you are dumping and mixing together with your HIV+ status, but really don't have a lot of business being mixed in...  Its a global depression, in other words...  But the solution for being broke and in debt, while a huge challenge, probably isn't much related to being HIV+, at least for someone in Ireland who has the advantage of affordable health care.
Have you discussed your current state of mind with your doctor?  You don't even need to see a therapist, you need a doctor to know how you are feeling and to help you make steps to meeting the mental health challenges. This might be a referral to a therapist but there is also the option of support groups and there are also medicines you can take immediately if you are in a very dark place - anti-anxiety pills, sleeping pills if you aren't sleeping well, anti-depressants.  All these things, used wisely, can be immensely helpful in a very dark place. Smoothing out the edges.  Cutting the darkness and suicidal thoughts.  Give you the moments of calm where you can even begin to start regrouping...   What do you think?

I know where you're coming from I have dealt with a lot of bullshit & hard times this year myself. Student loan debt, medical bills, etc, medical crises, it seems 2013 has indeed been unlucky 13 for me this year, but I'm still here! Don't despair, try to talk to someone you trust. Don't try and deal with it alone, trust me, that's not the way to go! A friend of mine committed suicide this year & he never even told anyone what he was going through. I am a private person too, and don't like to tell others my problems, but it's important you confide in your doctor or someone who can help you that you trust. They will help you! Whether it is getting therapy, medication, or whatever you need, things will get better. I am currently seeing a psychiatrist (which was a very big step for me) and soon starting counseling. Tell your doctor if you are depressed, he/she can give you medication that can really help you feel better in the short term, and maybe get you some qualified therapy in the longer term.

Confiding in someone you trust can really help a lot. As bad as it seems, it will get better. Best wishes!


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