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Author Topic: is there anyone else out there like me?  (Read 4080 times)

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Offline tippytu

  • Member
  • Posts: 71
is there anyone else out there like me?
« on: August 20, 2013, 07:22:51 PM »
Female...heterosexual... married has kids...newly diagnosed? Just wanting go connect with someone

Offline karry

  • Member
  • Posts: 271
Re: is there anyone else out there like me?
« Reply #1 on: August 24, 2013, 10:20:07 AM »
Hi tippy
I am female hetero, not married but living with my partner. No kids yet.
Welcome to the forums.
Hope you will find a lot of support here. I am sure one of the mums will respond.
Karry
Take it a day at a time....and be positive about it too!

Offline klassykitty

  • Member
  • Posts: 381
Re: is there anyone else out there like me?
« Reply #2 on: August 26, 2013, 09:29:53 AM »
Tippy,
Welcome to the forums.

I'm a straight female.  No kids and no plans on any, no husband, or boyfriend anymore either.  I was diagnosed in Jan. of 2011.

As Karry said you will find support here. 

When in a downy type mood go to the "off topic" segment there is usually something there that will cheer you up or at least put a smile on your face.  It usually works for me.

Michelle 8)
How to handle stress like a dog:
If you can't eat it or play with it.....
then pee on it and walk away

Diagnosed 01-20-2011
01-23  CD4 32    VL 125,400
02-18        76     VL 189
03-14  no cd4 test done   VL-52
04-14   69  VL-UNDECTABLE  YEA!!
05-26   50  whoopsy  
06-27   71        %-7
08-15   64 WTF %-9 
10-16  80         %7  
2012  CD4  %Thing   VL-UD
01-18  87    7
04-18  93    8  
07-16  151  8         
10-18  83    9    VL-70
2013   CD4   %thing       VL-UD
01-28  121     9
04-24  148    11   
07-25  157    11   
10-22  185    13
2014   CD-4  %thing   VL-UD
02-07 201 YEA!!!!!!  12
06-03  205      12

Offline GrlPozX

  • Member
  • Posts: 21
Re: is there anyone else out there like me?
« Reply #3 on: August 28, 2013, 05:57:01 PM »
I'm newly diagnosed. My husband too. And I am a mom. I need friends.

Offline snicole

  • Member
  • Posts: 9
Re: is there anyone else out there like me?
« Reply #4 on: August 29, 2013, 08:32:59 AM »
Also newly test poz last wk  :( husband and 3 kids.

Offline klassykitty

  • Member
  • Posts: 381
Re: is there anyone else out there like me?
« Reply #5 on: August 29, 2013, 10:42:12 AM »
GrlPozX and snicole
Welcome to our forums.

Michelle 8)
How to handle stress like a dog:
If you can't eat it or play with it.....
then pee on it and walk away

Diagnosed 01-20-2011
01-23  CD4 32    VL 125,400
02-18        76     VL 189
03-14  no cd4 test done   VL-52
04-14   69  VL-UNDECTABLE  YEA!!
05-26   50  whoopsy  
06-27   71        %-7
08-15   64 WTF %-9 
10-16  80         %7  
2012  CD4  %Thing   VL-UD
01-18  87    7
04-18  93    8  
07-16  151  8         
10-18  83    9    VL-70
2013   CD4   %thing       VL-UD
01-28  121     9
04-24  148    11   
07-25  157    11   
10-22  185    13
2014   CD-4  %thing   VL-UD
02-07 201 YEA!!!!!!  12
06-03  205      12

Offline BT65

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  • Vegas baby!
Re: is there anyone else out there like me?
« Reply #6 on: August 29, 2013, 05:11:07 PM »
Welcome, ladies.  Though I am a grandmother now, I had a very young child when I was diagnosed.  She was only 5.  Now she is 29.  Plus I have three grandkids!  Never thought I would live to see grandchildren when I was diagnosed.

Please continue to post.  We're here!

Betty
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline anniebc

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  • Posts: 5,937
  • AM member since 2003
Re: is there anyone else out there like me?
« Reply #7 on: August 29, 2013, 05:41:21 PM »
Welcome ladies.

Like Betty I'm a grandmother (and a great-grandmother) so no young kids, diagnosed 11 years ago so my kids were all grown up by then.

As Betty said the ladies on the forum are here for you and will always be happy to chat, inform and on occasion be your sounding board, because it's better to vent than to keep it bottle up.

Look forward to hearing more from you all.

Aroha
Jan
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: is there anyone else out there like me?
« Reply #8 on: August 30, 2013, 05:26:21 AM »
I'm also of a "certain age" (lol) and the only reason I'm not a grandmother yet is because my daughter hasn't given me any yet. I waffle between wanting her to get on with it already, and thinking she'd be mad to bring any children into this crazy world and its economic mess. I know her father feels the same conflicting emotions about grandkids. That said, I'll still be thrilled when she finally starts a family. She has kids "pencilled in" for the near future (in four years, maybe?), so watch this space!

I was diagnosed when she was nearly fourteen, and she's 26 now. I've actually been poz since she was ten, but I only knew that in hindsight. She's a school teacher now and doing well, despite all my ... let's say "baggage".

You both have no reason to think you won't also be around to watch your children grow up to adulthood and start their own relationships and possibly even families. If there are grandkids on the cards, you'll be here to dandle them on your knee and hand them back when they need changing. ;)

Keep posting, ladies, you're more than welcome here.

Hugs to both of you,
Ann
xxx
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline klassykitty

  • Member
  • Posts: 381
Re: is there anyone else out there like me?
« Reply #9 on: August 30, 2013, 07:48:31 AM »
Ann---Don't feel bad my mommy has two kids (me and my brother) and no grandkids from either of us and since I am 48 and my brother 44 she be getting any either.   ;D
She does have a a granddaughter from my step-sis.

Does my dog and cat count as kids?  After all they get spoiled as much as most kids do.  Poor mommy all she has had from me is grand-pets. ;)

Michelle 8)

How to handle stress like a dog:
If you can't eat it or play with it.....
then pee on it and walk away

Diagnosed 01-20-2011
01-23  CD4 32    VL 125,400
02-18        76     VL 189
03-14  no cd4 test done   VL-52
04-14   69  VL-UNDECTABLE  YEA!!
05-26   50  whoopsy  
06-27   71        %-7
08-15   64 WTF %-9 
10-16  80         %7  
2012  CD4  %Thing   VL-UD
01-18  87    7
04-18  93    8  
07-16  151  8         
10-18  83    9    VL-70
2013   CD4   %thing       VL-UD
01-28  121     9
04-24  148    11   
07-25  157    11   
10-22  185    13
2014   CD-4  %thing   VL-UD
02-07 201 YEA!!!!!!  12
06-03  205      12

Offline Ann

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  • Member
  • Posts: 28,140
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: is there anyone else out there like me?
« Reply #10 on: August 30, 2013, 08:28:21 AM »

Does my dog and cat count as kids?


My daughter reckons her tortoise and two fish count as my grandkids, so yeah, why not cats and dogs too?. After all, I refer to my three cats as her brothers. ;D
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline cicabogyo

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  • Posts: 2
Re: is there anyone else out there like me?
« Reply #11 on: September 07, 2013, 03:00:19 PM »
Hello!

Hello. I'm  a heterosexual woman from Hungary. My husband has infected me three years ago. My daughter is 26 years old and lately have not talk with me. My husband has been living elsewhere, I don't know anything about him He continues  infect some women and he does'nt  care that he was HIV positive. I am very lonely. I have no friends. I feel like I have no future, no life, no job. My friends turned away from me. Looking for friends.

With whom I can speak honestly. And there's no more lies.  :-\

Offline BT65

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  • Vegas baby!
Re: is there anyone else out there like me?
« Reply #12 on: September 07, 2013, 07:31:54 PM »
Hi cicabogyo!

Welcome to the ladies forum.  I'm so sorry to hear about your husband, daughter and friends.  Why is your daughter not talking to you?  Can your relationship be worked out? 

I'm not familiar with Hungary, but do you have universal healthcare there?  Can you get some counseling?  Just because you have HIV, does not mean your life is over.  You can still work, or go back to school.  Is there a reason you feel you cannot?

What's going on with your HIV?  Are you on meds, and if so, which ones?  Do you know your Cd4's and viral load?  Knowing these things would enable us to comment more on your situation.

Again welcome and I hope to hear more!

Betty
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline cicabogyo

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  • Posts: 2
Re: is there anyone else out there like me?
« Reply #13 on: September 14, 2013, 02:01:23 PM »
Hello!

Thank you for your kind words.
I'm glad that I can finally talk about women who had the same disease as like me.
In Hungary, there are very few registered HIV positive. about 2,000 people. Therefore, the government and political leaders believe. This problem does not exist in Hungary. But there is.  :(
When we ask for help. Nowhere is obtained.
Except for medical care, which is very good.
Medicins are good, even though I do'nt need it. My CD 4 numbers 670, and viral load is very low, below the 4000th.  :)

But we do not get a job anywhere.  :(
No one cares how can I live.
If I go to my official site for help, the answer is: "I'm too much money for the State. Why did not I think of that suicide? It would be easier for everyone."  >:( >:(

Because a lot of exclusion, humiliation, and a high degree of ignorance of the people - all around us disdain.

Maybe easier to lives in an other country  wiht HIV positive.  But here in Hungary is very difficult. Entirely impossible.  ???

Nobody talks about this officially in Hungary. Lives with HIV...

only we know each other so they can live.  :-\

I apologize. My English is not very good. but I hope you understand what I want to say.

Who help us in our life to keep us? In Hungary???

I would like to ask for advice. what can be done in such a case. when there is no hope for it to be my job. I find that I can live.

Regard!

Offline BT65

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Re: is there anyone else out there like me?
« Reply #14 on: September 14, 2013, 03:16:25 PM »
Hi Cicabogyo,

Your English is actually pretty good.  But, my understanding is not always the best.  What I understand from your post is that you cannot find a job, due to the HIV?  But, you and your husband make too much money for state aid?  What is your income from? 

I also read that there are not too many people who are "out" about their HIV status.  So, there's a small group of you who support each other?  If that's the case, then that's somewhere to start.  Stick together, support each other, and brainstorm ways you all can make money.  I wish I could be more help, but I don't know the laws and regulations of Hungary.  Here in the States, people cannot be discriminated against because of HIV-there are laws for that.  Are there not any in Hungary, because the government does not think there is a problem?

At the beginning of the epidemic here in the States, activists banded together, went to the government, and demanded action.  That is how HIV meds got released, and that law about not discriminating regarding hiring people with HIV came about.    Can you all do something like that there?  I never hear about Hungary on the news, so I don't know the political situation there. 

Demanding action is how things got done here.  Protests, letters, showing up at rallies, and refusing to not be heard.  Even I protested once outside our local Social Security building when a friend, who was almost on his deathbed, got denied disability.  I do not know if it made a difference with the agency, but the news showed up lol. 

Like I said, I do not know the situation in Hungary regarding laws etc.   Maybe you could tell me a little more about them, if there are any?  And, could you and your friends with HIV band together and approach government authorities to demand equal treatment etc.?  Sorry if I'm putting something out there that is not doable.  I'm just trying to think of ways things could improve for you and your friends.  Don't be scared to tell us anything.  We don't judge.

Betty
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Wolfey

  • Guest
Re: is there anyone else out there like me?
« Reply #15 on: September 27, 2013, 01:42:58 PM »
Hey there!

I am female, heterosexual, not married with 4 kids,(15, 10, 10, 10), 3 dogs, diagnosed in 97. I used be on here as Snowangel but I couldn't remember my password or my old email ;D


Offline DTBAF

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  • Posts: 1
Re: is there anyone else out there like me?
« Reply #16 on: October 26, 2013, 10:23:37 AM »
Hi everyone. Diagnosed march of this year. Moved across the country last year where I have no friends or family. New lifestyle makes it a little difficult for me. Looking to make new friends that I can talk to who may understand how I feel. I'm tired of being depressed....

Offline BT65

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Re: is there anyone else out there like me?
« Reply #17 on: October 28, 2013, 04:13:18 AM »
Hey DTBAF,

Nice meeting you.  Why don't you start a thread and tell us more about yourself?  This is a good community of women here.  I try to check in daily though I don't know how much longer that will happen (working on my thesis).

Hope to hear more from you!

Betty
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline Cerise_81

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  • Smile...
Re: is there anyone else out there like me?
« Reply #18 on: February 17, 2014, 11:18:16 AM »
Single female, no kids no husband nor boyfriend.  Looking to contact with others.

Offline waterdiva

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  • Posts: 2
Re: is there anyone else out there like me?
« Reply #19 on: July 28, 2014, 10:57:40 PM »
Hello,

I am 56 divorced with 2 grown sons and 1 grandson 8 weeks old. Sometime I feel like my life is over. I dont find any joy in life anymore. Everything in my life feels like it is just so hard these days. I try to think about what I want to do and it all ends with I want to move to florida. For some reason I think if I can get to blue water it will give me a reason to live. Do I sound like I need a shrink? I dont think I am depressed I just need to be where I want to be. My doctor says I am very healthy but I have started having pain in both of my hips that dont make sense to me. They say arthritis but it came on over night. When I had a bone scan a few months ago they said my hips were find. The doctors seam reluctant to run any test like they see no reason to find out what is going on. And the hot flashes are driving me crazy. Nothing helps. Thanks for the rant.

Online initforlife

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Re: is there anyone else out there like me?
« Reply #20 on: Yesterday at 02:18:15 AM »
Hi water.  Welcome and I hope that we can help you in any way rant all you want. believe me I have many times.  People here really care  . I'm 50 and straight with five kids all grown and seven grandkids. I'm alone also as all my girls live away from me mostly in  other states. So I understand plus I live in a rural area. This site and the people here will help you if you let them.  (hugs)
I should have known he was bi

Offline BT65

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Re: is there anyone else out there like me?
« Reply #21 on: Today at 07:10:56 PM »
Hi Water, I know you say you're not depressed, but at the beginning of your post you said you feel like your life is over.  Are you sure there's no depression, even a little?  I'm also saying that because I know myself, and if I feel my life is over, there is something wrong. 

I have a grown daughter who lives clear across the country, and I have 3 grandkids, 2 of which live here, the other with my daughter.  I do have a very good friend who I share house expenses with, and some other friends.

Is there a nearby ASO (Aids service organization) that you could hook up with and maybe see if there are any support groups, or any way they could get a buddy for you?  Just someone to talk to, shoot the breeze with, go out for coffee etc. 

I know that I am a recluse.  I shut myself off from the world, then when I have to go out I feel like I can't wait to get home lol.  I also have hot flashes, and mood swings from the menopause.  So I totally understand.

The pain in your hips may be related to this condition that long term survivors tend to get (I have it in my knees) called "avascular necrosis."  When I was a case manager, one of my clients had to have both hips replaced, and both knees.  I don't know how long you've been diagnosed, but maybe if you could get to an orthopaedic doctor you could ask about this and have them check.  I mean, if the pain continues and worsens. 

Rant anyway any time you want, goodness knows we all do it.  Please keep posting.

Betty
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

 


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