Quantcast

Subscribe to:
POZ magazine
E-newsletters
Join POZ: Facebook MySpace Twitter Pinterest
Tumblr Google+ Flickr MySpace
POZ Personals
Sign In / Join
Username:
Password:
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
September 23, 2014, 10:56:54 PM

Login with username, password and session length


Members
Stats
  • Total Posts: 639899
  • Total Topics: 48583
  • Online Today: 220
  • Online Ever: 585
  • (January 07, 2014, 02:31:47 PM)
Users Online

Welcome


Welcome to the POZ/AIDSmeds Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ/AIDSmeds community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Author Topic: gf is dead so I'm starting meds tomorrow  (Read 3325 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline ratcat

  • Member
  • Posts: 61
gf is dead so I'm starting meds tomorrow
« on: August 20, 2013, 02:42:15 PM »
     Hi everybody, my story is pretty full-on but I'll do my best to keep it short ok.  For 13 months I was with a beautiful Thai ladyboy here in Thailand where I live.   We are/were both hiv+.  I'm American.  We were engaged, had business plans and more...I even got her a boob job lol (38!).  She was very feminine and pretty, more than most women, and bottom only.  I loved her.

     She was difficult though, and did not follow my wishes regarding her health.  After dragging her into a clinic (literally) I got her cd4 done.   250.  Then, as it was time for her to visit her family, she agreed to go get a full checkup at her provincial hospital, as she had been complaining of a stomach problem (free for Thai) and to start ART.  They diagnosed her with TB and she appeared to be having very bad side effects from the medication after 2 weeks.  I visited her often but didn't live with her because I tested negative for TB and didn't want to expose myself, and she was coughing alot, and experiencing regular fevers etc.  After 3 months the doctor discontinued her TB treatment and retracted his diagnosis.  I had to track down all of her doctors, against her will and make them explain.  They all said that it must be some sort of "opportunistic infection".  I was so pissed, as you can imagine, as her symptoms matched TB exactly.  It was then that I took her to the best hospital in Thailand and received the truth.  (she had been to 2 or 3 hospitals before this).  Cancer stage 4...multiple myeloma, lymphoma, in her liver, bones, near the lungs, colon.  I admitted her to the main Government Hospital in her area and she was dead 12 days later.  It happened so fast.  I don't know her exact diagnosis and I never will as communication is difficult in this Asian country.  So much for my sero-concordant relationship effort...and I really invested a lot of time, effort, money and love into this creature...all for nothing.  She is done.  She is not in a better place or gone to the spirit world.  She is dead.  She died one month ago exactly.

But I am not.  Yes I am sad and lonely and not ready for another relationship...but I'm not finished.  I have been poz for 2.5 years,  My cd4 is 489 and vl is 20,000 but I'm starting meds tomorrow at 10pm.  I got the prescription filled today.  Atripla, not the generic stuff.  It cost me $111 dollars for a one month supply here in thailand.  I'm sure that I can find a better price in Bangkok later this year, but I feel fortunate to be somewhere where I can afford good medical care....that's one of the main reasons I'm still here. 

The point of my story is that I had planned to go much longer without treatment.  That is not an option for me anymore as I feel it is way to risky.  I thought that I knew everything about HIV but I was wrong.  Her doctors and  I failed to consider the risk of developing Cancer.....I'm not going out that way.  My life will go on but I will always be affected by this tragedy..... 10pm tomorrow. 

« Last Edit: August 20, 2013, 02:46:41 PM by ratcat »

Offline Jeff G

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 11,814
  • How am I doing Beren ?
Re: gf is dead so I'm starting meds tomorrow
« Reply #1 on: August 20, 2013, 02:55:31 PM »
I'm so very sorry for your loss and am happy to hear you are taking measures to protect your own health .

Thanks for posting this , it helps others realize the risk of what untreated HIV can do to you . I'm wishing you good health and you have my sincere condolences . 

Offline EUINAU

  • Member
  • Posts: 42
  • New to This
Re: gf is dead so I'm starting meds tomorrow
« Reply #2 on: August 20, 2013, 03:06:16 PM »
Sorry to hear about your loss. Good luck with starting your meds. Stay strong.

Offline britchick

  • Member
  • Posts: 436
Re: gf is dead so I'm starting meds tomorrow
« Reply #3 on: August 20, 2013, 03:30:56 PM »
ratcat,

Im so sorry for the loss of your loved one.Im glad that you have decided to start meds.

Please post and let us know how you get on.You've been through such a difficult time and  i hope you get the support you need.There are other members here who live in Thailand.I hope that you get some comfort from this board too.

britchickx

Offline buginme2

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,952
Re: gf is dead so I'm starting meds tomorrow
« Reply #4 on: August 20, 2013, 03:50:59 PM »
Very sorry for your loss, my condolences.  How very sad.

I hope your story helps others see that untreated HIV is a lot more than just "what's my cd4 count" and will lead others to get treated. 

Again, I'm very sorry.

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 11,729
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: gf is dead so I'm starting meds tomorrow
« Reply #5 on: August 20, 2013, 04:19:29 PM »
Welcome here!
Im glad you are going to start treatment and that you plan on living long and fighting down HIV.
I am very sorry you lost your gf.
I am sorry also to say this, but I guess I just noticed something and I wanted to ask, or follow up.  Maybe its your grief, or shock....
So much for my sero-concordant relationship effort...and I really invested a lot of time, effort, money and love into this creature...all for nothing.  She is done.  She is not in a better place or gone to the spirit world.  She is dead.  She died one month ago exactly.
(Minor confusion...  If you were both positive, why was it a serodiscordant relation?)

What struck me is that you say your love affair was for nothing....  I don't really understand this...  The time you spent together WAS your relation, and you said you loved her.  When you are in a relation, you can't always count on smooth sailing. Its awful that your gf got a hideous terminal disease, that she got misdiagnosed, as well.  But why was the relation "for nothing"??? 

You loved each other and invested in each other.  That it was cut short does not nullify the affair....

Probably none of my business, but I was also struck by your specifically detailing spiritual ideas of the afterlife, and that you specifically claim your gf is not there...  Is this just her?  I mean, do you believe in heaven or a spirit world of some sort?  And if so, why would you believe that she is now denied the better place?  Or, do you mean, death is final, for everyone, so you don't believe in a better place for anyone.  When its over, its over...

Anyway, just some thoughts, reading your post. 

Again I'm sorry for the sad sad loss....


“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline Joe K

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 3,675
  • 31 Years Poz
Re: gf is dead so I'm starting meds tomorrow
« Reply #6 on: August 20, 2013, 04:21:08 PM »
Hey Ratcat,

My deepest condolences on your loss.

I also want to thank you, for taking the time during your grieving, to provide such a valuable message to the forums.

Take care,

Joe

Offline eric48

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,178
  • @HIVPharmaCure & tinyurl.com/HIVPharmaCure
Re: gf is dead so I'm starting meds tomorrow
« Reply #7 on: August 20, 2013, 04:57:29 PM »
Sorry for your loss...

This is a wake up call and reminder: this virus is nasty !

Hope you will feel better about all this soon

Eric
NVP/ABC/3TC/... UD; CD4 > 1000; CD4/CD8 ~ 2.0   safety stock : 2 months

Offline anniebc

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,939
  • AM member since 2003
Re: gf is dead so I'm starting meds tomorrow
« Reply #8 on: August 20, 2013, 06:20:30 PM »
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, it's hard to lose a loved, you did all you could for her, thank you for sharing your story.

Even though they describe this virus as not being a death sentence anymore it is still deadly if we don't look after ourselves properly.

In sadness
Jan
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline ratcat

  • Member
  • Posts: 61
Re: gf is dead so I'm starting meds tomorrow
« Reply #9 on: August 20, 2013, 11:37:56 PM »
This is a reply for Mecch to answer some of his questions.  here is a quote..".So much for my sero-concordant relationship effort"...sero-concordant not discordant...  I know, were not used to reading that term.

As far as my opinions on the afterlife...I have heard a lot of nonsense from people like, "she is in a better place now", and "she is no longer suffering", and "she will never grow old"...The list goes on and on.  What a bunch of hogwash.  She is dead and only exists in peoples memories.  There is no proof of the afterlife therefore it does not exist.  Religions are just ancient political movements. 

As far as my love, It wasn't all for nothing really.  This episode is as real as it gets and I am hurt from it.  I'm dissapointed in myself and in her.  She left me without a fight.

Online tednlou2

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,888
Re: gf is dead so I'm starting meds tomorrow
« Reply #10 on: August 20, 2013, 11:47:51 PM »
Just wanted to offer my condolences.  I'm glad you are discussing it. 

Ted

Offline Jeff G

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 11,814
  • How am I doing Beren ?
Re: gf is dead so I'm starting meds tomorrow
« Reply #11 on: August 20, 2013, 11:48:36 PM »
I guess she couldn't fight stage four cancer that had spread as far as it had . sounds like she was just like you , not ready for meds . People get cancer HIV or not , its just unfortunate and very sad .

Offline challenger89

  • Member
  • Posts: 8
Re: gf is dead so I'm starting meds tomorrow
« Reply #12 on: August 21, 2013, 05:00:52 AM »
My condolences for your loss!

Chin up and be strong :)

Offline pioneer II

  • Member
  • Posts: 11
Re: gf is dead so I'm starting meds tomorrow
« Reply #13 on: August 21, 2013, 05:10:57 AM »
I am so sorry for you loss! Be strong!
Life is rough with or without hiv. Enjoy it likewise.

Offline joemutt

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,042
Re: gf is dead so I'm starting meds tomorrow
« Reply #14 on: August 21, 2013, 05:22:04 AM »
I am sorry for your loss.
To get a correct diagnosis seems to remain so hard in Thailand.
The medicine is cheapest at Anonymous Clinic in Bangkok, they have atripla.
Best Wishes.

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 11,729
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: gf is dead so I'm starting meds tomorrow
« Reply #15 on: August 21, 2013, 09:28:24 AM »
This is a reply for Mecch to answer some of his questions.  here is a quote..".So much for my sero-concordant relationship effort"...sero-concordant not discordant...  I know, were not used to reading that term.

As far as my opinions on the afterlife...I have heard a lot of nonsense from people like, "she is in a better place now", and "she is no longer suffering", and "she will never grow old"...The list goes on and on.  What a bunch of hogwash.  She is dead and only exists in peoples memories.  There is no proof of the afterlife therefore it does not exist.  Religions are just ancient political movements. 

As far as my love, It wasn't all for nothing really.  This episode is as real as it gets and I am hurt from it.  I'm dissapointed in myself and in her.  She left me without a fight.

You're right, I misread that word, I never saw it before!  Sorry.

I don't live my life either, really believing in an afterlife. Death is pretty final and I can empathize with your feelings here.. I'm sorry for you!

Cherish the time you had.

A new love will arrive when the grieving and healing is over and you're ready again.   Best wishes to you!
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline OneTampa

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,205
  • "Butterflies are free."
Re: gf is dead so I'm starting meds tomorrow
« Reply #16 on: August 21, 2013, 10:36:12 PM »
I  join the Board Members in expressing my condolences for your loss.

I am also glad that you are taking your meds.

Take care.
"He is my oldest child. The shy and retiring one over there with the Haitian headdress serving pescaíto frito."

Offline ratcat

  • Member
  • Posts: 61
Re: gf is dead so I'm starting meds tomorrow
« Reply #17 on: August 22, 2013, 04:33:20 PM »
I haven't started the meds yet due to work and social circumstances this week but Saturday night at 10pm is going to be it.  I'll document my progress here or in a new thread.  Thanks for your condolences and kind words everybody :)

Offline ratcat

  • Member
  • Posts: 61
Re: gf is dead so I'm starting meds tomorrow
« Reply #18 on: August 27, 2013, 01:17:16 PM »
Anyways, I started the meds 3 nights ago but I'm not going to write much because I'm feeling a bit hazy and my vision is blurred a bit lol....really.  During the daytime I feel pretty normal, if not a bit "drunk" at times.  We will see how my body acclimates.  On September 6 I'm going out on the town and we will see how Atripla mixes with beer!!!!! :o :o

Offline xasxas

  • Member
  • Posts: 42
Re: gf is dead so I'm starting meds tomorrow
« Reply #19 on: August 27, 2013, 01:47:39 PM »
Hi Ratcat:

I am sorry to hear about your loss.  You have my condolences.   

I hope you have the strength to power through it.

Take care.

Offline Disturbed

  • Member
  • Posts: 22
Re: gf is dead so I'm starting meds tomorrow
« Reply #20 on: August 28, 2013, 02:19:23 AM »
All the condolences too from another thai ladyboy lover...
But don't say that your relationship was for nothing, at least your gf was not alone in her last days and I am sure you make her happy this last year.
But what a shame about that diagnose, I thought Thai hospitals were better.
Jan'12 Diagnosed HIV+ CD4 26 VL 3.400.000
Dec'12 Diagnosed visceral leishmaniasis CD4 60 VL 560
May'13 Diagnosed CIDP CD4 180 VL UD
May'14 CD4 330 VL UD

Offline weasel

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,681
Re: gf is dead so I'm starting meds tomorrow
« Reply #21 on: August 28, 2013, 08:25:36 AM »
This is a reply for Mecch to answer some of his questions.  here is a quote..".So much for my sero-concordant relationship effort"...sero-concordant not discordant...  I know, were not used to reading that term.

As far as my opinions on the afterlife...I have heard a lot of nonsense from people like, "she is in a better place now", and "she is no longer suffering", and "she will never grow old"...The list goes on and on.  What a bunch of hogwash.  She is dead and only exists in peoples memories.  There is no proof of the afterlife therefore it does not exist.  Religions are just ancient political movements. 

As far as my love, It wasn't all for nothing really.  This episode is as real as it gets and I am hurt from it.  I'm dissapointed in myself and in her.  She left me without a fight.

Hi Rat Cat ,
                   I am very sorry for your loss  of a great person in your life  .

     I will have to say that a friend of mine has always said :  "   If you can picture and remember a
 person after death ,they are still here ! , They are as real as life and will live on forever ! "

   I truly believe that your girl friend is in some sort of  ? , Not sure , But she will live on !  I have no
 doubt you can see her in your mind .
   Hoping you find peace and I'm glad you are starting MEDS !

    Cancer is a horrid way to go , It is not solely an HIV condition , I lost a dear friend a few months ago
 13 days after she found out she had cancer  :'(   , She was not a smoker or HIV POZ .

                                                                      Be well my friend ,
                                                                                                  Weasel

 P.s. I've been HIV / AIDS to many years to want to count  :-X

" Live and let Live "

Offline ratcat

  • Member
  • Posts: 61
Re: gf is dead so I'm starting meds tomorrow
« Reply #22 on: August 29, 2013, 11:59:03 AM »
Thanks weasel...yes I definitely can still see her in my mind, and she will live on in all of the minds of the many people who loved her.  Yes Cancer is not a pleasant way to go and lots of times when it is discovered it is already too late...12 days for her.  I miss her so much. :(

Offline newt

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,885
  • the one and original newt
Re: gf is dead so I'm starting meds tomorrow
« Reply #23 on: August 29, 2013, 05:53:29 PM »
Sorry. It is a unique, modern and perhaps lonely experience losing someone real close with HIV. Not many places to speak about it all.

Good luck with the meds.

- matt
"The object is to be a well patient, not a good patient"

Offline ratcat

  • Member
  • Posts: 61
Re: gf is dead so I'm starting meds tomorrow
« Reply #24 on: August 29, 2013, 09:29:10 PM »
Thanks Newt, a considerate response from you as usual.  thanks.

Ok. now I'm going to talk about my progress with the Atripla.  I take it at 10 pm, and after about an hour or less I feel a bit warm, cheeks feel weird, balance off a little and vision is a bit blurred at times.  During the daytime I feel super, if not even a bit euphoric(in a good way). My confidence has gone up for sure, but maybe that is partly due to the recreational-drug-like side effects!

So is this how it's going to be?  After 10pm every night do I need to rush home before I turn into a pumpkin? lol  Will I need to move my med taking time forward an hour or two so that I can have a social life, or will this subside?  (I know, it depends on the person!!!lol,,,,just curious of your own experiences)


Offline xasxas

  • Member
  • Posts: 42
Re: gf is dead so I'm starting meds tomorrow
« Reply #25 on: August 30, 2013, 01:53:34 AM »
I've been on Atripla for about a year, so here are my observations.

The visuals and more pronounced effects died down for me after a month or so.  I still get a little bit high on it but nothing like when I first started.

From what I've read on here, Atripla is a pretty forgiving medicine, so moving it back or forth an hour doesn't really matter.  My doctor also said about the same thing as he suggested I can shift my time to take it by an hour everyday -- if I had to change the time I take for when I traveled to a different time zone.

Also, it's one pill, so you can just carry it with you and pop it wherever you are when no one is looking. 

Take care, get better.

 


Terms of Membership for these forums
 

© 2014 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.