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Serodiscordant Couples?

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--- Quote from: Neonlove on August 11, 2013, 03:22:01 PM ---I'm planning on moving out to where he is but I want to make sure that's he's going to be 100% comfortable and that he's educated about it correctly and there isn't any false information.

--- End quote ---
Ok, that's wise! My opinion and experience is don't move somewhere for a lover if the trust isn't there, or if the sex is broken.  Unfortunately, love does not fix everything.

I am HIV positive and have had three long term relationships(over a year) with negative men. I regret them all. As much as I loved them and being with them there was always this horrible anxiety I felt about infecting them. I spent 10 years with one man obsessing the whole time I was going to kill him. Im convinced if I ever have another long term relationship it will be with another positive man or after they find a cure.

Philly, I'm sorry you had hat experience.
That said, your fears were exceptional. Your experience is not the norm. Most serodiscordant couples find a way through this fear of transmission. That's because safe sex works. And the last decade, everyone has figured out that undetectable viral loads is another very reassuring protection.  There isn't going to be transmission.
Its not my place to judge you. It's my opinion that if someone HIV+ can't overcome the fear of infecting a negative partner, yeah, the relationship dies. 
But you said it happened again, and again.  After the first time, I think you needed to do personal work to educate yourself, or somehow move your brain, out of this fear.  Maybe therapy. I dunno. 

You STILL have this irrational fear.  Perhaps a discussion for another thread, but this state of mind can't be serving you well....  You shouldn't accept it.  Seek a way to resolve this.

Hey Neon - I'm sending you a personal message

Hi Neon, i am in a serodiscordant relationship (i'm the +), . I have been through different phases in my relationship these months,
First when he got to know my status he was very supportive and then he got tested and it turned out he was negative things changed for a little while, i think he was trying to educate himself and figure out how sex life would work.
At that time it was a little scary for him, my cd4 was 195 and i had lost weight so he kinda seemed scared and he didnt want to know anything about HIV or deal with an ill person.
During the first months I was really scared I thought He was going to leave me, I thought he couldnt handle the pressure. At that time i thought he was waiting to get tested again to be sure he was negative in order to leave, and after 3 months  he got tested he was still negative, but he stayed with me.
Then my health improved i gained weight, and started looking healthy again, that's when he transformed and started being the good lover he used to be.
During all this time i asked him several times about if he really wanted to be wiht me if he could deal with it, etc, etc, he always said he didnt know for sure.
Even though gradually things went back to normal sex was still an issue, it seemed to me that he avoided sex with me until his urges made him have sex with me. Recently my viral load went to undetectable levels. I guess that helped him (psychologically) and sex has improved he's more relaxed and wants to do it more often.
I write this because  of this:

"I want to make sure that's he's going to be 100% comfortable and that he's educated about it correctly and there isn't any false information."

During this time he wasnt 100% comfortable with it, but he's getting closer with time, he has adapted and so did i, i'm not even 100% comfortable but i'm still getting closer to that point.

The important thing is if the person is willing to adapt and learn.... he might not be able to adapt to this, but it's worth giving him a try.


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