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Serodiscordant Couples?

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Neonlove:
Me and my boyfriend of a year a half are looking for other serodiscordant couples out there that are willing to talk to us about their relationship and just life in general being in a "magnetic" relationship. I just found out I was positive and he's negative... We love each other... But we want to talk to a gay couple who can answer questions we both have and can inform us better on how a relationship under these circumstances works. Thank you so much.

jkinatl2:

--- Quote from: Neonlove on August 10, 2013, 10:22:52 PM ---Me and my boyfriend of a year a half are looking for other serodiscordant couples out there that are willing to talk to us about their relationship and just life in general being in a "magnetic" relationship. I just found out I was positive and he's negative... We love each other... But we want to talk to a gay couple who can answer questions we both have and can inform us better on how a relationship under these circumstances works. Thank you so much.

--- End quote ---

Hey, welcome to the forums!

There are a ton of serodiscordant couples on these forums. I"m in one. Hell, since I have been positive I have been in about four.

While there are issues unique to magnetic couples, both sexually and societally, all my relationships have flourished (and, except for the one I'm in KNOCK WOOD) and languished for far more mundane reasons. Embarrassingly mundane, even :)

Sometimes though,  I think there ought to be a primer for magnetic relationships, especially starting out.

So hey! Welcome! What's up?

Neonlove:
Awwww thank you for the response. I'm actually the comfortable one. I've been around and known people with hiv since I was a teenager. It's him that isn't as knowledgable about the subject. He is actually the one who wanted to talk to another couple one on one about it. Before I found it things where moving forward in our relationship, we had a perfect sex life, life was literally perfect. Then I found out and I got on meds, now I'm undetectable, we recently spent a week together but before that he had expressed that he didn't feel comfortable having sex which I was fine with... But turns out I wasn't. He's scared he might contract it mainly because of his career. I just think he would feel more comfortable about things if he spoke to some one in the same situation. So how long have you been in your current mixed relationship? What problems normally arise from your current and previous?

jkinatl2:
Hey again :)

Well, as we are reaching our two year mark, our biggest hurdle has been HIS health actually. He was diagnosed with Crohn's Disease, and underwent a temporary colostomy last year. I was there for the whole thing, despite being less than a year into the relationship. One thing about me, I am loyal.

For me, my responsibility in the relationship is to stay steady on the meds. Staying undetectable is important to me. I'd be happy to discuss the nitty gritty of our sex life if you want. But basically we're pretty happy in that department.

The issues I have had in this and, frankly in every long term magnetic relationship has been the opinions of the negative partner's uninformed (or, sometimes worse, poorly informed) family and friends. They say you can change minds one at a time, and I agree. Thing is, often that one mind carries behind him half a dozen influential minds that have their own agenda. That can be daunting.

I hope you know your negative partner can join the forums too, and post here. We really do get a ton of magnetic couples here (thank you for allowing me to stop trying to type serodiscordant over and the hell over) and the sexual stuff is pretty straightforward. Of course, in gay male couples it often requires a little more disclosure as to the nuts and bolts (ha!) of your sex life, but the short story is, of course, if the poz partner is undetectable and you are monogamous and have no other STDs, then your sex, no matter how you parse it, is safer sex.

I am constantly amazed at the amount of misinformation/disinformation that other sites convey. Even the CDC refuses to stop telling people kissing is a risk. It's maddening.

Honestly, we haven't had real problems. His parents Googled me as soon as I went to meet them, which turned out to be awkward. But staying by their son when he was deathly ill for a couple of months seems to have done a lot in terms of proving my worth and my intent. We basically live together now, and seem to be doing pretty well. I've gotten the holiday invitation early this year (mainly because my mashed potato casserole last Thanksgiving fucking rocked that whole family, yo) and our friends all get along.

When I disclosed to my guy he immediately came HERE for information, and filled up on the knowledge. So there really weren't a lot of questions. Like me, he is  a science geek and goes for the first tiered peer reviewed source for info. That, Doctor Who on BBC America, and his low, low bass voice. Seriously.

We never went through the uncomfortable phase, sexually. That was both because I've done safer sex education for twenty years and because he was invested enough to read up on the disease. I certainly hope your guy does the same! It's always really nice to know that your partner is invested enough in the relationship to address his preconceived notions and even overcome them.

Ann:

--- Quote from: jkinatl2 on August 10, 2013, 11:50:38 PM ---
Sometimes though,  I think there ought to be a primer for magnetic relationships, especially starting out.


--- End quote ---

Well Jonathan, if anyone could write that primer, it's you. I'm sure that along with plenty of good information, there'd also be a lot of humour and humanity. Go for it! :)


Neonlove - welcome to the forums!

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