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Author Topic: ex boyfriend wants to know my full results  (Read 6629 times)

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27years

  • Guest
ex boyfriend wants to know my full results
« on: October 21, 2006, 10:07:56 AM »
Thanks to everyone who responded to my first problem.  Its a different day and a different situation again. It looks like each day i have to cope with a different scenerio since i tested poz and its really freaking me out.  I have disclosed to my ex boyfriend that i am poz and he thinks he has control over me.  The reason why i got tested in the first place was because of him cheating on me.  I did not blame him or anyone for my poz results.  I have been to my Dr and he has done the full test and am getting the results next week.  My ex boyfriend wants to come with me my for the results.  He has not been tested and he is saying he wants to find out what is going to happen with me and because we used to have unprotected sex together he has to know.  I dont regret testing poz and i have the courage to move on with my life.  Does he have any right to be with me for my results.  I do not need his support because I can cope on my own.  I thought just telling him that I am poz was good enough not knowing that its gonna cause commotion.  I am not happy at all with him coming.  Surely testing poz should not mean that anyone has control over my new life.  Am I being too hard with him?.  Can someone help me deal with this situation. 

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: ex boyfriend wants to know my full results
« Reply #1 on: October 21, 2006, 10:25:48 AM »
Hi 27,

No, your ex has no right to insist on being there at your medical appointments - he wouldn't even have that right if you were still together. If you don't want him at your appointment, tell him so. What he wants doesn't matter, it's what YOU want.

The only way he is ever going to know his own status is by being tested himself. You've done your bit by alerting him to the fact that he needs to test and you are under no obligation whatsoever to do any more. He sounds like a bit of a control freak, to be honest. ~shudder~

Hang in there... and don't be afraid to stand your ground.

Hugs,
Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline DanielMark

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,475
Re: ex boyfriend wants to know my full results
« Reply #2 on: October 21, 2006, 11:43:40 AM »
No. Definitely no.

He can get his own HIV test. He had his chance with you and he blew it big time.

You owe him nothing!

Take care of yourself first.

Daniel
MEDS: REYATAZ & KIVEXA (SINCE AUG 2008)

MAY 2000 LAB RESULTS: CD4 678
VL STILL UNDETECTABLE

DIAGNOSED IN 1988

Offline Teresa

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,753
Re: ex boyfriend wants to know my full results
« Reply #3 on: October 21, 2006, 04:52:36 PM »
If you don't want him at your Dr's appointment then tell him NO! Its what YOU want NOT him!

Hugs
Teresa
Hubby HIV+ 5/5/06
CD4:320
  %: 26.7
 VL: <20
Atripla (started it 8/24/06)
 

Offline anniebc

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,885
  • AM member since 2003
Re: ex boyfriend wants to know my full results
« Reply #4 on: October 21, 2006, 06:16:33 PM »
Hi 27

I agree with the rest of the guys..it has nothing to do with him and he has no right to demand anything from you, you have been honest and upfront with him so it's up to him to organise his own tests, DO NOT let him control this or any other part of your life, you seem to be in complete control  and you have a good attitude towards how you are going to cope with this..don't let him take that away from you.

Hugs
Jan :-*
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline blondbeauty

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,785
Re: ex boyfriend wants to know my full results
« Reply #5 on: October 21, 2006, 07:14:59 PM »
No. Do not let him control you. What is the point of him going with you to the Dr.? If he wants to find out, he should get his own tests. If you donīt want to see him again, you donīt have to.
Live your life and do what YOU want.
The only member in these forums approved by WINBA: World International Nail and Beauty Association.
Epstein Barr +; CMV +; Toxoplasmosis +; HIV-1 +.
Counts when starting treatment:
V.L.:80.200 copies. CD4: 25%=503
Started Sustiva-Truvada 14/August/2006
Last V.L.count (Oct 2013): Undetectable
Last CD4 count (OCT 2013): 52%= 933

Offline amandajeansiler

  • member
  • Posts: 1
Re: ex boyfriend wants to know my full results
« Reply #6 on: October 21, 2006, 07:36:58 PM »
27years,

Wow!  It's amazing what individuals believe they are entitled to. 

He is not entitled to any information regarding you, your health, your life.. nothing... period.  I think it's safe to say that there's a reason he's your ex-boyfriend.  Well, he gets ex kind of information now.. don't feel obligated to tell him anything. 

Sweety, you are your own person.  You have rights and responsibilities, you do what you think you need to.. not what he wants you to.

Side story,

When my mother first learned of my diagnosis, she wanted to go the doctors with me to ask about my prognosis, well, I declined.  She was mad.. but, she got over it.

All the best,

Amanda  :)

Offline Andy Velez

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 23,845
Re: ex boyfriend wants to know my full results
« Reply #7 on: October 22, 2006, 01:41:15 PM »
27, opinions are obviously unanimous with regard to the demands your "ex-bf" is making on you.

The question to me is what's allowing you to even consider acceding to his demand, which from my point of view are totally off the wall.

As far as I am concerned your first priority is to take good care of yourself physically, emotionally and spiritually in whatever ways are called for.

So I find myself wondering what is the real issue here.

Please clarify.

Cheers,
Andy Velez

Offline Life

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,388
  • Member 2005
Re: ex boyfriend wants to know my full results
« Reply #8 on: October 22, 2006, 07:39:43 PM »
X means X...  Jeeezz... 

Offline Eldon

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,664
Re: ex boyfriend wants to know my full results
« Reply #9 on: October 22, 2006, 11:13:49 PM »
Hey 27years,

Cut of the communication with your "X" Boyfriend. Has has no right to step back into your life and control anything.

Like David said, let him go and get his own Damn test.



Make the BEST of each Day!

Offline felix

  • Member
  • Posts: 6
  • keeping a positive attitude
Re: ex boyfriend wants to know my full results
« Reply #10 on: October 26, 2006, 11:52:43 AM »
So many have said the answer "NO" - but how are you feeling , you can listen to me, or others, but at the end of the day - Do, or say what, you want - be yourself and be honest - love Felix (from Aus).

Offline Joe K

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 3,180
  • 30 Years Poz
Re: ex boyfriend wants to know my full results
« Reply #11 on: October 26, 2006, 11:47:23 PM »
I have survived an abusive relationship and your X is just looking to keep you on a short leash.  You must decide on who is going to live your life and I believe you will regret it if you allow him to go with you.  There are certain things in life that belong to us alone and are for us to share, of our own free will.  Be true to yourself and I hope you have enough respect for yourself to stand your ground.

There are reasons for boundaries and this type of thing is a perfect place to start.
Life is what happens, when you are busy making other plans.

Though you may be only one person in the entire world, to one person, you may be the entire world.

I wish to become half the man, that my dog thinks I am.

Remember me with simple acts of kindness and I will live forever.

Offline aztecan

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,358
  • 28 years positive, 56 years a pain in the butt
Re: ex boyfriend wants to know my full results
« Reply #12 on: October 27, 2006, 09:40:47 AM »
Hey 27,

What the others said. You said you don't want him there. That's it. He has no right to insist, in fact, he really has no right to even ask.

Tell him to get his butt down for his own test and then take a hike.

HUGS,

Mark
"May your life preach more loudly than your lips."
~ William Ellery Channing (Unitarian Minister)

Offline Poz Brit

  • Member
  • Posts: 158
Re: ex boyfriend wants to know my full results
« Reply #13 on: October 29, 2006, 06:30:08 AM »
Here in the UK, the Dr will ask you, if you know who infected you, if you do, and you tell him/her. By Law he must follow up and try to contact that person and ask them to test. So, if the law is the same where you are, and your X is there with you, then they will not need to look very far. If then the X refuses to test and at a later date infects another. It may then be grounds for a prosecution to be brought against him, and a prison term may be given.
Pose that question to him, he may not be quite so keen to attend, and, who now has the upper hand?

John(UK)

Offline Coffeechick88

  • Member
  • Posts: 431
Re: ex boyfriend wants to know my full results
« Reply #14 on: November 08, 2006, 09:38:15 AM »
Thanks to everyone who responded to my first problem.  Its a different day and a different situation again. It looks like each day i have to cope with a different scenerio since i tested poz and its really freaking me out.  I have disclosed to my ex boyfriend that i am poz and he thinks he has control over me.  The reason why i got tested in the first place was because of him cheating on me.  I did not blame him or anyone for my poz results.  I have been to my Dr and he has done the full test and am getting the results next week.  My ex boyfriend wants to come with me my for the results.  He has not been tested and he is saying he wants to find out what is going to happen with me and because we used to have unprotected sex together he has to know.  I dont regret testing poz and i have the courage to move on with my life.  Does he have any right to be with me for my results.  I do not need his support because I can cope on my own.  I thought just telling him that I am poz was good enough not knowing that its gonna cause commotion.  I am not happy at all with him coming.  Surely testing poz should not mean that anyone has control over my new life.  Am I being too hard with him?.  Can someone help me deal with this situation. 

You told him all that he should know:  that you tested positive.  That is all you owe him.  Hopefully he takes that information and gets tested.  You don't owe him anything else.  Do not let him control you.
Lucas James is here
Born 6-14-08 at 1233 am
8 lbs 14 oz, 22 in long

Offline loverboy32

  • Member
  • Posts: 9
Re: ex boyfriend wants to know my full results
« Reply #15 on: November 12, 2006, 05:50:23 PM »
plain and simple: he needs to get tested and be responsible like you...

hope you feel better

r

 


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