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Author Topic: Friend just tested Positive - I'm getting tested tomorrow - Extremely Nervous  (Read 1217 times)

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Offline deadmoines

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I guess I just needed someone to talk to and I'm a little more than scared.  I've read plenty about HIV and I've had some experience in this before sadly.  Anyway, to give some background, I just got out of a 4 year monogamous gay relationship on May 25, 2013. 

A week or so later I had rebound sex with a friend.  We used a condom and I topped.  The second time we had sex he convinced me that because he donates blood and hadn't heard anything back, we could should have unprotected sex.  I know this sounds stupid.  We had unprotected sex 3 times.  I topped all 3 times, but I never ejaculated inside him. 

June 8, 2013 we were both tested together and we were both negative.  A few weeks after this we stopped messing around together.  We counted tonight and I believe we had sex 4 times total, 3 unprotected, within a 2 week period. 

Following this, I met another guy I was interested in.  We had sex one night with a condom, but the condom broke.  I was nervous so we both got tested together.  We both tested negative on I believe July 17, 2013.

Today, the first guy I was with, the one I had sex with 3 times unprotected told me he had attempted to donate platelets and that when they tested his blood it came back positive for HIV.  He said that he was told he likely contracted HIV during the time frame of late May to present as his previous blood test had been negative.  He also told me that he had sex with 2 other men bareback after having sex with me.

I feel horrible for saying this because I know that I wasn't safe in my practices, but I really hope he got it from one of the other guys after me and that I won't test positive tomorrow.  I also know that I'll have to wait 3 months after my test tomorrow to know for sure.

I read somewhere online that there may be a more expensive test that would tell me right away instead of waiting for 3 months.  Is this a possibility?  The anxiety is killing me.  I know that it's unfair to need to know so bad, especially if the outcome is that I do have HIV.  I just feel like it would be unfair for the guy I'm dating, the second guy, if I do have HIV.

I honestly thought I was doing everything right.  I know condoms are the only prevention, but I thought if I got tested with someone and they were negative I didn't have to worry.  I guess I was wrong.  I guess I'll see if I have to learn my lesson the hard way in three months.

Thanks for letting me vent.  Any feedback or advise would be appreciated.  Sorry for being so dramatic.   :(

Offline Jeff G

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  • How am I doing Beren ?
You certainly seem to have done your homework and have been doing the right thing , you did have a risk and you are correct that in 3 months past possible exposure is the cdc guideline for a confirmatory HIV test . You can test again as soon as 6 weeks post exposure and that will give you a good indication what your 3 month test to confirm the results will be because the vast majority of people will seroconvert within 22 days post exposure , but you will need that 3 month test to confirm the results as well .

It sounds like you learned from this experience ... To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv. Some of the other STIs can be present with no obvious symptoms, so the only way to know for sure is to test.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Offline deadmoines

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Thanks Jeff.  I appreciate your time and response.  I plan to have a full sexual health care check-up tomorrow.  I was set up on a 3 month schedule as well.  Being single is too damn risky.  At this rate I think I'll be done with any type of casual sex all together.  It's not worth the risk.  Looks like I'll have 3 months to dry out regardless.  Thanks again. 

Offline Jeff G

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  • How am I doing Beren ?
As long as you use condoms for anal and vaginal sex correctly and consistently you wont have to worry about contracting HIV , so enjoy your sex life and make the most of it .

Since you only get 3 free post I offer this as only food for thought , no need to respond .   

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?

The testing with your sex partner only works when you have been in a strictly monogamous relationship with them for at least three months before you test.

Testing before or after having sex with a hook-up (even a hook-up you know) will only tell either of you your hiv status six weeks previously, at best. Three months remains the gold-standard for a conclusive negative result.

Unfortunately, there are no short-cuts to obtaining a conclusive negative hiv result.

Also, you shouldn't be having condoms break on you. A correctly used condom rarely breaks. Read through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use them correctly and with confidence.

Pro-tip: Make sure there's no air-bubble in the tip and make sure you're using plenty of water-based lube.

Like Jeff, I'm only offering this as food for thought. No need to reply.

Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts


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