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I posted this in "I Just Tested Poz" and after 85 views, not one response...

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I live a little Northwest of Houston, almost absorbed by Houston, (think Willowbrook area but a little farther out) and I have connected with some resources in Houston in the past 24 hours, and have started making plans for Monday. I have private insurance and have two doctors recommended by HIV+ friends that I am going to be contacting on Monday morning. So, there's a few things going on there, and I'm sure with time I'll be able to utilize those support sources.
I'm still in the grief, shock, and denial stage and needing to seek testing for my husband, treatment regarding my baby (I still haven't miscarried), and dealing with my employer and seeing about a leave. The type of work I do, I don't think I will ever be able to do it again now, I just cannot face it. I imagine walking in the door there and I know I would turn around and run screaming out of the door...
Overwhelmed doesn't eve begin to describe it. I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and I keep having to fight off panic attacks. I managed to go to the grocery store today but had some very bad moments where I thought I'd have to run out of there too. But I didn't, I made it.
Long road ahead, and I can post more tomorrow if anyone wants.

My family is in Vider, Jasper and Buna (i'm pretty sure that is spelled wrong.)   it's my grandmas brothers and sis's, I haven't been there for 40 years.  I have driven through TX several times in the past 12 years but never stopped.

post all you want we will listen, keep in mind though that there's ladies from all over the world so sometimes it may take awhile for someone to get back.

I can't say that I have been through a similar situation like you, well not the baby part. But the HIV part, in that way everyone on here has 1 thing in common.

Have you checked out any of the other sections like the living with, or the off topic section?  If you want or need a good laugh read the off topic section, sometimes it's a hoot what is posted on there.  There's also lots of stories of hope and happiness on them.

Well it's time to study for my Psych. test. something else that is hoot sometimes, the test not the class that part is dry and mostly boring. ;D

Michelle 8)

Hi BBH, welcome to the forums, and please accept my sincere apology for such a late reply. Like others, I was at a loss for words. (Rare for me, but it is what it is.) Your situation hit home for me in ways I won't go into right now - this is about you, not me.

One thing I've been wondering about - you've obviously tested positive on a routine pre-natal hiv screening, but has that positive result been confirmed with a positive Western Blot test result as well?

I ask because there are some conditions that can cause false positive antibody results and pregnancy is at the top of the list. A negative WB result will prove a false positive antibody result.

The reaction of your OB/GYN (get out of my office ASAP) is what makes me wonder about your test result (if it's been confirmed) and it also makes me wonder about something else as well.

How thorough was she in searching for the heartbeat? If you're still in the early stages of pregnancy, the heartbeat can sometimes be difficult to find. I had a scare like that in the early days when I was carrying my daughter and it took about ten minutes to locate her heartbeat. From what you've written, she didn't want to have to deal with you so maybe she did a rush job.

I hope you can get an appointment today with a caring doctor who won't have the same type of knee-jerk, hiv-phobic reaction as your OB/GYN. Make sure your antibody test has been confirmed with a WB test and make sure you are given another ultrasound.

I don't want to give you false hope, but given your OB/GYN's attitude you do need to make sure both of her conclusions were the correct ones. Doctors are human too and are subject to all the same human foibles we all are and some will carry their religious and/or political bigotry into the exam room with them and make errors as a result.

I've heard too many stories from hiv positive women who experienced inept (for whatever reason) "care" from OB/GYNs who came at their case from an emotional and hiv-phobic, rather than medical, point of view, much to the woman's - and sometimes baby's - detriment. In my experience, an OB/GYN who treats a potentially hiv positive woman in a "cold and clinical" manner is doing so in order to mask their seething emotions and prejudice.

You deserve better care and I hope you get it.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. My thoughts are with you and have been since you first posted. Again, my apologies for the late reply.

Please keep us posted.


Thinking about you over in England.  You're not alone and although it may feel like you'll never get out of this misery, you will.  Take each minute at a time, soon it'll be every hour that you can bear, then every day and eventually a week.  A little bit of your soul may be gone now from both of your shocking news, but please see yourself as bent not broken.

Keep talking and shouting and crying and ranting. 

I got a copy of my lab results yesterday, and the Western blot was included and stated positive. My primary care doctor retested me yesterday and tested my husband as well. We should be getting the results back today or tomorrow. I'd read about some false positives with pregnancy, didn't want to grasp at straws or false hope, but my doctor felt that I and my husband are both "low risk" based on our lifestyles, and seemed really puzzled that I would be positive, especially since I donate blood regularly, most recently three months ago, and no one has ever said a word. Anyway...on the baby front, I have started spotting slightly and we expect that I will miscarry naturally very soon. The health department called me the other day and completely freaked me out, saying that by law they have to meet with me. It scared me so bad after I hung up the phone I ran screaming into the bathroom and cowered in a corner. Scared the hell out of my husband. I've since spoken to the woman again and told her she'd have to wait til Friday to meet with me, and I will already have my updated results (including viral load, etc) back by then. We are meeting at my mom's house. Things are very much up in the air until we get these results back...I will post more once I know one way or another. Thanks for the responses, I will be cross posting this in "I Just Tested Poz" for those that read this story there. I'm trying to hang in and stay calm.


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