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I posted this in "I Just Tested Poz" and after 85 views, not one response...

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This morning I went from being happily pregnant for the first time, I'm 46(F), to finding out within two minutes that my baby's heart had stopped beating and that I am HIV+. I've been married for 6 years and with my husband only for 8 years. I've not had any sexual encounters with anyone but my husband for the last 8 years. My husband, 43(M) is bisexual, so am I, but we are both aware he had some risky sexual encounters before we met, but he had been tested at that time and was negative. I am devastated, not only because I haven't miscarried my poor baby yet, but I can't seem to process this HIV news. My OBGYN was very cold and clinical, and wanted me out of her office ASAP. I don't really know where to turn yet, my entire life has just come crashing down around me. I guess I'm just looking for other people who've gone through a similar situation, at least the HIV part. Just a little encouragement or kindness is so desperately needed right now. My husband is being tested immediately, as we feel like it had to be him, but we still aren't sure how this happened. Sorry for the wall of text.

hello Broken- I am one of the 85 who viewed your post and to be honest i was overwhelmed for you and just did not know how to respond. My heart goes out to you. If you want please PM me.

Hi Broken, I am touched by your story. You are dealing with so much right now and I wish I could find the magic words to alleviate some of your pains.
I am mad at the way the obgyn treated you. You ought to have been given all the support you need especially from the medical team.
I can only send you a virtual hug and warm thoughts.

I definitely understand that my story is so gut wrenching that it is hard to even begin to imagine what to say, I really do, I don't know what to say myself. This is a nightmare I could never even begin to conjure up in the depths of my own mind. It's a long weekend waiting for all the inevitable phone calls and doctor visits that will start next week. Since I found out all the on Friday, I'm basically sitting around my house alternately crying and sleeping and haunting the internet. My sister's baby shower was today too, and it was something I'd been looking forward to for months. She only knows about me losing my baby, not about the HIV, we're going to wait til after she has her baby in a few weeks. My mom is understandably devastated too, and having to carry on as best she can. I'm the oldest and I'm used to being everyone's rock in times of crisis. This time, it's me that's dealing the horrific blow, and I find myself trying to comfort my friends and family and assure them I'm okay. My husband is here and he's going through hell too, but he has managed to escape into World of Warcraft and I'm letting him do that. He's of course waiting for his opportunity to be tested too and we are looking at information online about where might be the best place to live with good close resources for folks with HIV.
The other issue of course, is that I'm still carrying my baby and waiting for the dreaded miscarriage pains and anguish to start. Will it be a day, a week, I don't know. I can't face going back to work right now, the type of work I do would cause me untold pain on a daily basis, and triggers that might just push me over some kind of dark edge. I just need to hear others voices out there, stories of hope and happiness. Just knowing there are actually others out there who care that some poor woman in Texas is going through this and they might have just a small word for me. Thanks for the two responses, I appreciate it.


I was going to ask where you lived, but then I saw Texas.  You may want to go the Living with part and ask if anyone in TX could recommend an AIDS dr.  Also you might want to look for an AIDS Service Organization.  Another place you can look, (and this is going to sound strange but I did it) a local college, 2 or 4 year, that has an LGBT club may have someone in the club may know of a dr. or at least help point you in the right direction.

What part of TX. do you live in?  I have family in TX.,


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