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Can't get over be infected on purpose. Help


Hi all.

Im posting to get a bit of advice on something that has been bothering me.

I was diagnosed with HIV in 2010. It was crazy because my child's father infected me on purpose and I now I have a love/hate feeling against him.

Basically, he had the disease atleast 7 years before me met. Well, he goes to jail for it (I called the cops on him in my depression from it once I found out it was on purpose) and he does a few months time and gets out. The whole time I was pregnant and now we have a beautiful child who is thankfully not positive.

The issue is he has moved on with another person (he cheated on me with this person) and wants to see our child and I still harbor resentment because he feels that I should just give the baby to him overnight so he and his girlfriend can spend time with our child and not say anything about the past hurt or anything else for that matter. The girlfriend does her part in facilitating the pickups because she does not want us to meet and he wants that also. She says that he will tell her in due time about the hiv but she knows and if she's infected too, oh well.

Im stuck in a rut because for some reason I always want to know why he chose to infect me and still refuse to provide for his child too. It's like adding salt onto a open wound. When we did speak months ago, I explained that I felt hurt because I'm now living with this disease, he won't cooperate with child support to be served papers (they don't have an address and neither do I) and he has also moved on. He is always saying how he's finally happy with his new girl and they are getting married.

My question is should I just get over it and let him be in her life. Everyone around me says that he is a narcissist and if he infected on purpose, he doesn't care about anything but himself, let alone a child and he is using the girl too.

What are your thoughts?...

As far as you and the ex go, I would just move on, emotion wise, and let him go.  What do you hope to gain by not letting him go? 

As far as the child, I would not let the child go somewhere when I didn't have the address where the child is.  That's like endangerment.  He either needs to provide you the address, or you stop letting him see the child. 

I also think you should see a therapist to try to get yourself back together and more stable, emotion wise.  You may have a bit of PTSD going on, plus depression.  If you can talk to a trained therapist I believe it would be very beneficial. 

Those are my thoughts.  good luck with this difficult situation.


From personal experience there is a difference between a man 'knowing' they are positive and 'deliberately' infecting someone.  Don't beat yourself up about why it was you, it probably wasn't a conscious choice he made - rather a reckless thoughtless and selfish choice.  It's done and the past cannot be changed. 

This is not a brave man, because of his lies and deceit you've had to watch your world crumble around you.  He may seem 'happy' with his new girlfriend but a man like this will never be happy when the shadows of the night crawl all over him.

But you'll come back from this and you'll grow stronger and braver than you can ever imagine - and you'll have your child there to keep you going.  Concentrate on yourself and your child, and trust me - you'll be the happy one, not him!!


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