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Feeling a bit sad


I'm in a strange frame of mind today.  When I found out I was positive last July, I knew I'd probably never know where I contracted it...and so I quit thinking about it because even if I did, it wouldn't change anything.  So it's been a year now, and I'm almost feeling like I did when I first found out.  Many didn't believe me when I told them I thought I got it over 20 years ago.  I had intercourse once way back then, and had oral probably 4 times after that with various people.  The first time was with a guy I met in a bar.  I saw him twice.  I always wondered what happened to him...I lived 70 miles away.  For some reason I began researching his name and with it being an uncommon one, I'm almost certain I found him.  He died in 1991.  If he was positive, I didn't know it.  For some reason it brings an incredible sadness over me to think he's been gone that long.  I've not experienced death of anyone from HIV, and can't imagine the feelings of those of you who have lost partners, and dear friends.  I have never been angry about having HIV.  I made my own choices in life and am responsible for what I do and have done.  Thanks for letting me vent.  I know this sadness will pass.  I just didn't think I'd feel like this again.  :(


    Hi  hcj90 ,

                     I absolutely  believe you went 20 years !

   It is very common to hear stories of people not getting to  the AIDS stage until  15-20 years into having HIV .  I personally went 18 years before  requiring  MEDS  because I turned to full blown AIDS   in 2004 . It was a  sad day  , I try not to dwell on it too much .
   It is hard for me to pin point whom I would have got HIV from , I has NSA sex almost daily when I was young and hansom .
  Please know that in my opinion we all feel that way once in a while , I  have known some people that never got over the shock and that is bad .  Venting is why this site is here .

                                      Hoping you are feeling happier today ,

It's not unusual for anniversaries to bring about what you're experiencing.  It's quite normal.

It does tend to get easier with time though.

Hope you're feeling better soon.


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