Quantcast

Subscribe to:
POZ magazine
E-newsletters
Join POZ: Facebook MySpace Twitter Pinterest
Tumblr Google+ Flickr MySpace
POZ Personals
Sign In / Join
Username:
Password:
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
August 02, 2014, 01:03:42 AM

Login with username, password and session length


Members
Stats
  • Total Posts: 632719
  • Total Topics: 47930
  • Online Today: 221
  • Online Ever: 585
  • (January 07, 2014, 02:31:47 PM)
Users Online
Users: 5
Guests: 190
Total: 195

Welcome


Welcome to the POZ/AIDSmeds Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ/AIDSmeds community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Author Topic: Newly diagnoised  (Read 2165 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline PetraP

  • Member
  • Posts: 7
Newly diagnoised
« on: July 02, 2013, 05:56:45 PM »
I found out I was positive when I was rejected for life insurance. my husband was out of town and I had to call him to tell him the news. He was shocked because he was negative. we had only been married 3 months. he decided that divorce was best for him. now I feel alone and hurt and guilty.  I am thankful for this site so at least now I can vent.

Offline ohwell

  • Member
  • Posts: 42
Re: Newly diagnoised
« Reply #1 on: July 02, 2013, 07:47:45 PM »
It'll take time but you will be fine, you have along life ahead and you can get married and do all the things you wanted.
I know it sounds cliche, but it gets better. If your husband cant deal with it, well now it's hiv it couldve been something else, better find out what kind of person you married now than after several years.
they made me do it

Offline Jmarksto

  • Member
  • Posts: 469
Re: Newly diagnoised
« Reply #2 on: July 03, 2013, 01:01:38 AM »
Hi Petra;  Sorry you were diagnosed as positive, but welcome.  You have found a great place for information and support.  While we all have somewhat different stories, and go through somewhat different processes, the feelings of being alone, hurt, and guilty are understandable.  As ohwell noted, it does sound cliche but it does get better with time.

again, welcome,
JM
03/15/12 Negative
06/15/12 Positive
07/11/12 CD4 790          VL 4,000
08/06/12 CD4 816/38%   VL 49,300
08/20/12 Started Complera
11/06/12 CD4   819/41% VL 38
02/11/13 CD4   935/41% VL UD
06/06/13 CD4   816/41% VL UD
10/28/13 CD4 1131/45%  VL 25
02/25/14 CD4   792/37%  VL UD
07/09/14 CD4 1004/39%   VL UD

Offline vertigo

  • Member
  • Posts: 138
Re: Newly diagnoised
« Reply #3 on: July 03, 2013, 02:17:47 AM »
Hi Petra.  Sorry you are going thru all this.  It isn't fun.

The morning after my diagnosis my partner said he was leaving.  But it didn't work out that way.  He stuck around and we continue to work through our issues.  But this was after 11 -- now 12 -- years together.  Your marriage is very new, and no one here can tell you how it will play out.  I'm sure this is a shock to your husband, too.

What we can assure you is that you will be fine, health-wise.  The meds today are very effective, and the protocols for testing & monitoring have been well-refined.

Good luck, and keep posting as you like.  You will find a sympathetic audience here.

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 28,140
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Newly diagnoised
« Reply #4 on: July 03, 2013, 08:02:45 AM »
Hi Petra, welcome to the forums.

First, you have nothing to feel guilty about. You (presumably) ended up with hiv doing something pretty much every other adult on the planet has done at some time or other - you had unprotected intercourse with someone who of unknown hiv status. Chances are good that your husband has done the same exact thing sometime in his life, before your marriage. 

Which leads me to a second point - if your husband is so willing to throw your marriage and relationship away for the sole reason that you've been diagnosed with a life-threatening illness - one that he's probably also been at risk for - then you're probably better off without him. Chances are he's put himself at risk in the past and needs to get off his high-horse and count his blessings that he's been lucky.

This is the thing that so many fail to understand - anyone who has unprotected intercourse with someone of unknown hiv status has put themselves at risk. That's an awful lot of people, people who have no right to judge those of us who ended up poz.



If you haven't found them already, you may want to read through the Lessons found elsewhere on this site.

One you may find particularly helpful right now is the lesson called The Blood Tests You'll Need. Do you know your CD4 and viral load (VL) results yet? If you do, the Blood Test lesson will help explain what they mean. And of course, feel free to come back here and ask any questions that may arise.

If your doctors are talking about starting meds, the Drug Information pages will be helpful. Again, feel free to come back here to ask any questions you may have about any treatments you're being offered.

You don't have to learn everything all at once, but this is an illness that you need to have at least a basic understanding of if you're going to live well with hiv. And it IS possible to live well with hiv.

You will be ok, even if things seem dark right now. I'm just sorry your husband couldn't be more understanding and grown-up about it. You deserve better.

Hugs,
Ann
xxx
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline PetraP

  • Member
  • Posts: 7
Re: Newly diagnoised
« Reply #5 on: July 06, 2013, 02:31:19 PM »
It'll take time but you will be fine, you have along life ahead and you can get married and do all the things you wanted.
I know it sounds cliche, but it gets better. If your husband cant deal with it, well now it's hiv it couldve been something else, better find out what kind of person you married now than after several years.


Thank you for responding and your advice.  I personally don't know any poz people so I am glad for this site!

Offline PetraP

  • Member
  • Posts: 7
Re: Newly diagnoised
« Reply #6 on: July 06, 2013, 02:35:14 PM »
Hi Petra;  Sorry you were diagnosed as positive, but welcome.  You have found a great place for information and support.  While we all have somewhat different stories, and go through somewhat different processes, the feelings of being alone, hurt, and guilty are understandable.  As ohwell noted, it does sound cliche but it does get better with time.

again, welcome,
JM


Thank you JM!! I'm glad I found this site.  I've been so up and down but I feel like I am starting to even out.  The last week or so, I have been so focused on everyone else that I've not thought about me.  So next step is not to get burdened with guilt for thinking about and taking care of me.

Offline PetraP

  • Member
  • Posts: 7
Re: Newly diagnoised
« Reply #7 on: July 06, 2013, 02:37:39 PM »
Hi Petra.  Sorry you are going thru all this.  It isn't fun.

The morning after my diagnosis my partner said he was leaving.  But it didn't work out that way.  He stuck around and we continue to work through our issues.  But this was after 11 -- now 12 -- years together.  Your marriage is very new, and no one here can tell you how it will play out.  I'm sure this is a shock to your husband, too.

What we can assure you is that you will be fine, health-wise.  The meds today are very effective, and the protocols for testing & monitoring have been well-refined.

Good luck, and keep posting as you like.  You will find a sympathetic audience here.

Vertigo, thank you for your post!! It gives me so much hope.  I am glad you and your partner are still going strong! I am a sucker for a happy ending

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 11,263
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: Newly diagnoised
« Reply #8 on: July 06, 2013, 10:09:25 PM »
You said it Ann. 
You deserve a real partner, PetraP and you will find him!  Sorry you had to get HIV.  Eventually you'll see some of the silver linings...
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline vahope

  • Member
  • Posts: 11
Re: Newly diagnoised
« Reply #9 on: July 08, 2013, 12:52:53 AM »
I am new to this and is having trouble posting anything.....please help

Offline weasel

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,645
Re: Newly diagnoised
« Reply #10 on: July 08, 2013, 09:16:02 AM »


   Hi      Petra ,

                            Nice to meet you .   
    You will be fine !   The new drugs work well with little side effects .

   In time you will  become comfortable with the HIV status , sound odd
  but time heals all wounds .
    More than likely if your Husbands bails on you , better now than later !
  I am lucky , my husband of 30 plus years  realizes  it is just a BUG !   
   It could be way worse you know !   You could have a disease that would
  cause death in months  :o
   I wish you many happy happy years to come .   Take deep breaths and
  try to do things to take your mind off of HIV !
   You did not mention if you need to start MEDS yet ?   
  That is something that just becomes routine like taking a Vitamin  ;)

         Please don't feel guilty about having sex , We all do it !


                                     Be well ,
                                                     Weasel

    P.S.    Oh ?   I love to VENT here !  Makes me feel so much better  :)
" Live and let Live "

 


Terms of Membership for these forums
 

© 2014 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.