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Anyone else feel dead inside?

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phillypinko:
M parents getting sick has made me realize just how alone im going to be when they die. I have God in my life which helps but have trouble making friends. The friends I do have are not very supportive. I am very anxious. It causes me a lot of pain seeing my parents suddenly so sick and weak.

atxpozguy:
I feel the same way phillypinko does, dad dying this past February, mom died in 2009.  I am just tired of all the medical issues I experienced over the past 9 months. Myself testing poz back in early 1983 has taken it's toll on my daily activities. I ready to go home to be with my deceased family members as time is running out.   :(

phillypinko:

--- Quote from: atxpozguy on June 30, 2013, 08:32:30 PM ---I feel the same way phillypinko does, dad dying this past February, mom died in 2009.  I am just tired of all the medical issues I experienced over the past 9 months. Myself testing poz back in early 1983 has taken it's toll on my daily activities. I ready to go home to be with my deceased family members as time is running out.   :(

--- End quote ---
I agree with you. I don't know how these people go on. Im completely rejected everywhere I go by just about everyone I meet. My friends are stereotypical rich malicious gay men. They take sadistic pleasure in other peoples suffering. They sit and laugh and gossip about people losing their homes. Im ashamed to be their friends but can't make new ones. For the reasons I've mentioned a hundred times before no one want s to get to a know a poor 41 year old hiv positive bipolar poor man living in subsidized housing.This is what I have left after my parents are gone. Absolutely NOTHING. The gay life is so horrible I see it as a curse.

BT65:
A lot of my clients are poor (on disability) and living in subsidized housing.  Do they not have an ASO in your city, that maybe has a support group, where you could meet others in your situation? 

Instead of thinking about how lost you'll be after your parents pass, maybe you shouldn't project.  I know that's difficult and easier said than done, but I find when I project too much, I end up depressed.   Maybe you could try just concentrating on helping your parents, and remember how fortunate you are to have them.  I know when I miss my parents (and I do, trust me), I think about how fortunate I am to have had such wonderful people in my life. 

Not trying to minimize, just trying to get you to look at it a bit differently.

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