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the first months challenges

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Sorry you had to join the site, but nice to meet you.  So, your mom was more concerned about you being gay than being poz?  I've heard many gay men say their parents weren't necessarily anti-gay, but they worried being gay would lead to becoming poz. 

About your partner-- he is adjusting to this new reality as well.  You may be spot on about his feelings.  I just wanted to say that I became a little paranoid, after I was diagnosed.  If my partner was busy with work or not in a great mood, I would think it was me.  I began to think he was avoiding me.  If you think someone will react in a certain way, sometimes we begin to see things that way, when it isn't the case.  Just throwing that out for consideration.  Obviously you know your partner, and you may be reading him correctly. 

I wish you all the best and look forward to hearing more from you.  If you are having more and more thoughts about suicide, please talk with someone.  It would be a good idea to do that anyway. 


thanks, nice to meet you too. I know sometimes i get that feeling, that i dont know how to tell if it's a real problem if it's me if it's hiv or us as a couple sometimes not working the way we should. When it's good it is very good but when it's bad it's very bad so it's a cycle. But now all the problems seem to be bigger and happen more often. I still don't know what to do, taking a break from that but that might also impact my mental health or keep trying.
And about suicide, i dont know how suicide works but i think most people become depresssed and it progresses into that, the thing with me is that for example i'm thinking about my to-do list of the day and i start thinking "i got to buy eggs, milk, then go to work and then kill my self" it's a thought that pops out of nothing and ouyt of context it has happened iven in my happiest moments. So far it's not persistent it's just like a flash and goes away.
But my question still remains unanswered maybe i havent written it properly "do you know about people having the weird thoughts that sustiva gives and they didnt change pills and after that the random suicidal thought went away, like rash did and the sore muscles did?
i mean if you get them you always get them they never go away even if i wait?

About my mother... when i was i child i got sick i've got something i think it is called nephrotique syndrome (spanish speaker here) it's a kidney disease, i was sick for 10 years, ans she took care of me, so much that when the doctor told me to check my kidneys they were working properly (he was worried the pills could cause damage there). So she knows what it is to deal with desease and i also know. Maybe that thing affected me in the way i reacted to AIDS i mean when i got the news and starting telling family and stuff.
She's a little bit conservative but very open minded at the same time, i never told my parents i was gay and i had girlfriends in the past but and moved to another city when i was 17 so i kinda did my thing without them knowing (i was out to the world but not them), my dad he is very conservative but he ws the one who reacte d the best actually he doesnt care. Weird right?

An update...
Well it's been more than 3 months since i started my treatment, most of the side effects are gone, i'm still a little bit anxious but it is fine. Today i got my VL count and i went from 142k copies to UD :D thank you for your support

Glad you're doing better.

I'm late to this thread,  but I switched from Sustiva to Viramune for the same reasons that you were considering.  Something to consider if the problem returns.

Viramune is available as a generic,  which could be helpful in your situation.

Best of luck


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