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I feel a little silly sharing this ...

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Welcome to the forums Crafty.  A lot of what your wrote resonates with many of us LTS.  The denial thing worked for me for quite a while until the AIDS started winning the battle.   ;)

In the first years of this virus, I had a difficult time struggling with how to plan long term as it seemed so fruitless.  I was struggling with working full time and going to school full time and often wondered why I was wasting what precious time I had left struggling to pursue my educational dreams.

And through the years, I lost every single person who was part of my inner circle.  It's a tough struggle to live for decades with a freaking virus that we were told would kill us within a few years.

I just turned 48 yesterday and have lived with this virus for 27 years now.  My older brother toasted me yesterday and remarked that it sucks getting this old.  I smiled and made no comment as I am grateful at the thought of reaching 50 as I was told I could probably live to be 30 if all went right. 

Again, welcome to the forums


welcome. me poz known since  1992.
 51yo female. undetectable for 14 years.!

 i live in a small town and the whole time my son was growing up i kept it a secret as much as possible. i felt good, a few times sick, hospital,  but got to the point after having to take less meds, and got o doc less,  i would forget about it. life was good.

now my son is grown and i have a lot of health problems. severe all at once bone -muscle- joint - pain attacks upon exertion and falling a sleep at the wheel type of fatigue! help!)  i am 51.

i was doing so well until i was on Atripla and then Complera made me worse.

I lied a lot, white ones , nobodies business about me.. to protect my family..people wondered and gossiped ...
like why don't i work a lot,  i looked great , not sick, and  I am smart..
people think i am lazy and just want to be on welfare. (was only able to work part time for a  few months and have to quit. due to fatigue and med side effects. this  pattern i lived for over 15 years.. rough) now i am so ill i have not worked in 4 years!

trying to get on the mend but HIV is in my face all day now. years of searching for help, Dr. after DR. poor care, refusal to refer,
it is getting harder and i have more fear.

hope to turn this around.  Doc wants to try Testerone for the fatigue.

so i thought about the denial thing about 8 -10 years ago. i was doing so well, and hep well,  live in a clean country place. i put it away. didn't go to the HIV functions, just wanted to be normal!

and that was great and the best thing...
as i said now i deal with it all the time..
live love life
peac and health to you all.

Welcome all,
I think a lot of this has a lot to do with where we live & the availability of a good ASO, AIDS Service Organization. When I worked, I lived near New York City and went to Friends In Deed in Soho in Manhattan on Broadway. FID is for all people with life threatening illnesses, not just HIV Poz persons; website is
When I got Social Security Disability, I moved to Provincetown, MA on Cape Cod; the town is over half LGBT. The ASO, the AIDS Support Group of Cape Cod, is a big part of my social life, has free lunches, support groups, etc. If you want to move here, housing is not cheap; it's cheaper if you go to the next town down the cape. MA has a great ADAP program, called HDAP, and great healthcare. The same services are also available in Boston, MA, see  for the AIDS Action Committee of MA.
Best of Luck. Hugs from Provincetown, Deibster


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