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I feel a little silly sharing this ...

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craftypoz:
Hi all -

I've been poz since 1995, and been with my partner (who is HIV-) since 2001. In that time I've been fortunate to remain fairly stable and undetectable. Life goes on pretty routinely, and often my only reminders of my situation are the once daily doses of meds, and the periodic check-ins with my ID specialist.

But lately I have begun to question or wonder if I have really dealt with what I have, or have I just been in a moderate state of denial for all this time. I know I have it (obviously) but I don't think I've ever given myself permission to acknowledge how I feel about it and to really deal with that.

The community is small where I live and I have told almost no one (outside of my partner) which is why I am posting here. I feel like I'm moving into a place of really dealing with this on a deeper level, and perhaps because I haven't really had symptoms, it's been easy not to deal with it.

I think to myself, "You've been poz for 18+ years - and you're just NOW wanting to deal with it?" So I'm even giving myself a hard time for that. I feel like I should have it all figured out by now, and I haven't even really started. I've put it in its compartment to be dealt with when necessary (and I don't think that's healthy).

I'm going to visit these forums a bit more often - it will be nice to connect with other people living with HIV (since I don't really have anyone in my life right now who is dealing with it - or who at least has said anything).

Thanks for listening - glad to be here!

Jeff G:
Welcome to the forums . I can relate to what you shared , I was so busy surviving I forgot or didn't have the energy to pay attention to my emotional health . I had lived over 20 years stuffing all my feelings and anxiety's away to be dealt with later and that worked for a long while until it didn't anymore .... I hope you stick around , we have a very interesting and supportive community here and you are welcome to be a part of it .

phillypinko:
 I do a lot of crying. I am rejected or at best tolerated by straight people because I am gay. I am rejected or at best tolerated by gay people because I am positive and am at best tolerated or rejected by positive people because I am bipolar. Life sucks and then you die. Get used to it.

craftypoz:
Jeff - Thank you for sharing your experience. It's nice to know I'm not the only one who has tried to stuff feelings away until, as you said, it just doesn't work any more. I am looking around here in the forums and look forward to learning from others' experiences.

Philly - I'm not sure how to respond to your post, but I see the undertone of hurt and please know I send only good thoughts your way. Even in tough times, I try to stay positive and keep things in perspective. Sometimes that's not easy, but what are the alternatives? Take care.

phillypinko:

--- Quote from: craftypoz on June 27, 2013, 10:06:58 PM ---Jeff - Thank you for sharing your experience. It's nice to know I'm not the only one who has tried to stuff feelings away until, as you said, it just doesn't work any more. I am looking around here in the forums and look forward to learning from others' experiences.

Philly - I'm not sure how to respond to your post, but I see the undertone of hurt and please know I send only good thoughts your way. Even in tough times, I try to stay positive and keep things in perspective. Sometimes that's not easy, but what are the alternatives? Take care.

--- End quote ---
BLAH BLAH BLAH...generic platitude, generic platitude, generic platitude...BLAH BLAH BLAH.

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