Main Forums > Someone I Care About Has HIV

Not sure


I have an odd situation and I don't know how to handle it. 8 years ago when I was in high school a friend had told me that this guy was HIV positive. He was really popular and didn't think much of it....well i was working at a medical clinic and was scanning some lab results and came across a result that was positive and it was the same first name (didn't know his last name at the time) and didn't think much of it until now. This guy has just recently become a part of my social life and is the most amazing sweetest greatest guy I know. He is so good to me and I know that he likes me. and I really like him alot. I've never had a guy treat me so amazingly. i am 99% sure it was his lab result but there is still a chance i can be wrong. Even if i'm not wrong I am scared about how our friendship will further because I really like him and I can't think about anyone else. I don't even know how I can bring it up to him. Should I just be honest and tell him what I saw? Do i pursue him regardless? Should I put myself at risk for love? I feel like there is a divine connection between us that I just can't ignore and it's getting harder to turn down his advances everytime I see him. Anyone have some advice?

Jeff G:
I think you should respect his privacy and wait for him to tell you .

FYI ... it doesn't matter if he is HIV positive or not , or any one else for that matter . If you are sexually active and using condoms for vaginal and anal sex you will avoid HIV , if and when the subject of sex comes up you can share your HIV status with him and ask him to share his . If you are comfortable dating a poz guy then let him know so when you have the discussion he may be more comfortable disclosing his status to you .

As hard as it may be to separate work from leisure you are going to have to accept that unless he chooses to tell you his HIV status its none of your business . 

I dated a guy for 13 years and he remains HIV negative , also , most of the guys I have dated did not and still do not have HIV .

If you are single and dating /sexually active you must have safer sex to avoid HIV so dating a poz person is no different , just play safe .


First, welcome to the forums.  You have found a great place for great information, which based on your post I think will be very useful.

It seems like there are two (maybe more) issues that are woven together in your post, which may be useful to separate.  First is the issue of disclosure and second is the potential of a relationship.

With regard to disclosure, in my mind this issue is very clear  - and that is that he is expecting, and deserves, confidentiality with his medical records and that needs to be honored.  Your professional and personal relationships are separate and need to remain separate.  In other words, no you don't bring it up - not to him or anyone else.

With regard to your question about getting into a relationship - the question of putting yourself at risk for love says that you would benefit from learning about safe sex and understanding that there are quite a few very, very happy (and safe) serodiscordent couples that have great relationships. As your relationship evolves, and at the appropriate time, each of you will have to reveal personal aspects and information about yourselves - and that would be the time and place to discuss if either of you are HIV positive (among other things).

Again, welcome and congratulations on finding someone with such a strong connection -- that is hard to find regardless of HIV status.


Wait for him to tell you everything because if you will ask him if it was his lab results, he might be offended or worse get mad at you. If he really likes you, i'm sure he will have the guts to spill his deepest secret.


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