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Author Topic: met a poz guy who is awesome...now what?  (Read 1383 times)

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Offline Just_me999

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met a poz guy who is awesome...now what?
« on: June 19, 2013, 01:38:34 AM »
Hi
newbie here so forgive me if this has (I'm sure it has) been asked before.  So I met this incredible guy and we've dated for about two weeks.  The day after our first sexual encounter  (he is bottom) he told me he is positive and undetectable.  I'd like to know exactly what that means as well and how he can say that with some degree of certainty.  Anyway we DID use a condom.  At first I freaked out because we had done a lot of making out and he assures me there is zero risk of any transfer of the virus through saliva (I have a healthy mouth as he does appear to have).  True?
So anyway my feelings for him are that I would continue with the relationship if we are careful. I'm going to see his doctor at my friends advice which was cool of him to set that up and I can ask questions.  I guess my basic final question to the forum is whether or not there is risk going forward as long as we use a condom and are smart about semen and blood exposure.   thanks a lot.
 :-\

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: met a poz guy who is awesome...now what?
« Reply #1 on: June 19, 2013, 02:11:48 AM »
By all means, go with him to the doctor!

You have absolutely NO RISK for HIV if you use a condom for anal sex. And even if one breaks, you have such a small risk that i's not even quantifiable. That he is on meds and undetectable means that it would be an extremely rare occurance if, as he is the bottom in anal sex, was in any way infectious to you.

If he contracts another STD, then there is a chance of a spike in his viral load, especially his seminal viral load. But as you are the top in anal sex (and oral sex isn't a legitimate risk even with high viral loads) this is immaterial (um, except for dealing with that STD of course).

If you and your guy are going to be in a committed, monogamous relationship, then he is no more infectious to you than I am.

Also, feel free to post in "someone I care about had HIV" as well. There are a lot of other couples like you, with a bunch of similar fears and questions and advice and whatnot. I am one of them, by the way.

I might try to move this thread to that forum, actually. It's more appropriate, and you don't need to be locked into a three-free-posts sorta deal when your whole relationship is evolving.

And to your query, there is zero risk of transmission through anything shy of his semen inside your anus, if he is on drugs and undetectable. And there is next to zero rick of even THAT if he is on drugs and UD.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline Just_me999

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Re: met a poz guy who is awesome...now what?
« Reply #2 on: June 20, 2013, 11:17:09 PM »
thanks Jkinatl2

thank you for the reassuring and informative response.  I really appreciate it!
how do I move the post, that's a good idea

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: met a poz guy who is awesome...now what?
« Reply #3 on: June 20, 2013, 11:23:16 PM »
thanks Jkinatl2

thank you for the reassuring and informative response.  I really appreciate it!
how do I move the post, that's a good idea

I put in a request, but until it's done feel free to start a similar thread in "Someone I Care About has HIV." Our risk assessment is pretty straightforward (use a condom for penetrative anal and vaginal sex, don't share IV drug needles) but there are more things to consider in a DATING relationship than which junk goes where under what conditions.

There's a learning curve, andyou are most assuredly not alone. My partner researched the hell out of this very site when I disclosed to him. We're going on two years in August, assuming I can put  up with his rage-gaming when I am trying to watch Hell's Kitchen.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

 


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