Quantcast

Subscribe to:
POZ magazine
E-newsletters
Join POZ: Facebook MySpace Twitter Pinterest
Tumblr Google+ Flickr MySpace
POZ Personals
Sign In / Join
Username:
Password:
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
April 20, 2014, 05:03:08 AM

Login with username, password and session length


Members
Stats
  • Total Posts: 620455
  • Total Topics: 46750
  • Online Today: 191
  • Online Ever: 585
  • (January 07, 2014, 02:31:47 PM)
Users Online
Users: 5
Guests: 150
Total: 155

Welcome


Welcome to the POZ/AIDSmeds Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ/AIDSmeds community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Author Topic: Quick Introduction of the Sassafras  (Read 940 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline SweetSassafras

  • Member
  • Posts: 15
  • Tangerine! Don't touch that!
Quick Introduction of the Sassafras
« on: June 13, 2013, 06:37:39 PM »
Hello. I'm a 31 year old HIV positive woman. That is the first time I have ever really acknowledged that. I know it and I am cautious like I know it, but I don't give in to it. My husband and I were diagnosed in 2008. We kept our status a secret for as long as possible and even now only the closest of family know... oh and my sister's friends cause she's a drama queen. Anyway, we've been blessed with two beautiful children who are fortunately negative (as if being mixed isn't trouble enough in America) and overall we are really healthy. Both on meds -- both undetectable. But I'm tired of not having anyone to talk to when I'm sad or angry -- or feel trapped in a sometimes unfulfilling marriage because of my status. I need to know that I'm still OK. I didn't realize how much damage my diagnosis had done until just recently and I desperately want to go on living my life even happier if possible.

So that's it in a nutshell. I know nothing and will probably have crap advice, but I'll try. And I hope you'll do the same for me cause I sure could use it.

Offline skeebo1969

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,667
Re: Quick Introduction of the Sassafras
« Reply #1 on: June 13, 2013, 06:54:10 PM »


Hello SweetSassafras and welcome to the forums! 


But I'm tired of not having anyone to talk to when I'm sad or angry --

Regretfully, I can so relate to this... trapped in a nutshell I am.  This is a good place to talk about this sort of stuff though if you can muster the will to do so.

Good luck!
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline Jeff G

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 9,272
  • How am I doing Beren ?
Re: Quick Introduction of the Sassafras
« Reply #2 on: June 13, 2013, 07:20:41 PM »
Welcome SweetSassafras , the forum can be that place for support if you want it to be , it is for me .

I have also made some enduring friendships through being a member here . I hope to hear more from you soon ... and as a southerner I sure like that name LOL . 

Offline OneTampa

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,032
  • "Butterflies are free."
Re: Quick Introduction of the Sassafras
« Reply #3 on: June 13, 2013, 07:24:15 PM »
Hello Sweet,

Welcome to the Boards. 

You will definitely be able to vent and bounce ideas off of people here and likely get a bouquet of responses as many of us have heard and seen nearly everything.

Take care.
"He is my oldest child. The shy and retiring one over there with the Haitian headdress serving pescaíto frito."

Offline tednlou2

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,608
Re: Quick Introduction of the Sassafras
« Reply #4 on: June 14, 2013, 12:25:39 AM »
Welcome to the forums.  I'm glad to hear both you and your husband are doing well healthwise. 

I was curious about the feelings of not being fulfilled in your marriage, due to your status.  If you want to discuss that in more detail, we are here to listen. 

All the best, and I look forward to hearing more from you.

Ted

Offline jkinatl2

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,007
  • Doo. Dah. Dipp-ity.
Re: Quick Introduction of the Sassafras
« Reply #5 on: June 14, 2013, 01:06:29 AM »
MIght I sugest that this forum can be a resource for your husband as well? That having been said, if there are relationship issues you want to talk about, it might be good to confine them to the Women's Forum, where your husband should not be lurking (and is not allowed to post). It's tough when both parties need a single forum. But there should be ways to give both parties what they need without sacrificing honesty.

We are a very diverse goup of people, but most of us are discreet and know the value of keeping confidences when needed. You will likely know who isn't invested in that discretion by the people who might private message you, spilling dirt on the others in the forum :)

You are safe here. We want to keep that safety paramount. We can be irascible, and nit-picky, and throw our opinions out like rain, and it will be up to you to weed out the useful ones. But we mean well, and we have sall the love in our bedraggled hearts to give.



"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline SweetSassafras

  • Member
  • Posts: 15
  • Tangerine! Don't touch that!
Re: Quick Introduction of the Sassafras
« Reply #6 on: June 14, 2013, 01:25:15 PM »
Hello again. Thank you for the warm welcome. I was so happy to see that. Again, while I've had my diagnosis awhile, this is still pretty new to me.

It's funny you should mention encouraging my husband to join... I did soon after he came home from work yesterday. He said he'd consider it, but like most things that would help him individually and/or us as a couple, he probably won't follow through. Fortunately, he knows himself and I know him so even if he should ever see it, these are things he's already aware of. Emotions are hard for him and he avoids them at all costs.

Regarding the fulfillment in marriage and status question, perhaps I should have phrased it differently. I just worry that if/when things get to a point where we just can't work them out, I'll be alone forever. Don't get me wrong, this isn't what keeps us together as we genuinely do love each other in all our dysfunction. But it would be a lie to say that our status won't play some kind of role in whether or not we choose to keep working on things or not. He feels obligation. I feel fear.

I wish this was something we could talk and learn about together but I just don't think it's going to be the case. I'll wise up -- hopefully he will jump on board at some point. If not maybe he can benefit through me.

EDIT: Just a bit more info, we were diagnosed a year after we were married. We were both negative prior to (as I was tested soon after the wedding for a pregnancy that I lost). I'll admit I did play the blame game but I really and truly have forgiven him for the mistakes and the consequences they wrought. I think while he gets the gravity of it, he doesn't get the gravity of it.
« Last Edit: June 14, 2013, 01:32:03 PM by SweetSassafras »

Offline weasel

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,588
Re: Quick Introduction of the Sassafras
« Reply #7 on: July 12, 2013, 06:27:53 PM »
Hello again. Thank you for the warm welcome. I was so happy to see that. Again, while I've had my diagnosis awhile, this is still pretty new to me.

It's funny you should mention encouraging my husband to join... I did soon after he came home from work yesterday. He said he'd consider it, but like most things that would help him individually and/or us as a couple, he probably won't follow through. Fortunately, he knows himself and I know him so even if he should ever see it, these are things he's already aware of. Emotions are hard for him and he avoids them at all costs.

Regarding the fulfillment in marriage and status question, perhaps I should have phrased it differently. I just worry that if/when things get to a point where we just can't work them out, I'll be alone forever. Don't get me wrong, this isn't what keeps us together as we genuinely do love each other in all our dysfunction. But it would be a lie to say that our status won't play some kind of role in whether or not we choose to keep working on things or not. He feels obligation. I feel fear.

I wish this was something we could talk and learn about together but I just don't think it's going to be the case. I'll wise up -- hopefully he will jump on board at some point. If not maybe he can benefit through me.

EDIT: Just a bit more info, we were diagnosed a year after we were married. We were both negative prior to (as I was tested soon after the wedding for a pregnancy that I lost). I'll admit I did play the blame game but I really and truly have forgiven him for the mistakes and the consequences they wrought. I think while he gets the gravity of it, he doesn't get the gravity of it.

   HI  !  SweetSassafras   ,
                                                Nice to meet you !   

    I hope you are fine and dandy ! 

    I will start with :  I've   been with my    husband 34 years , We are GAY ! OMG !  We got married
     4 years ago yesterday   :)

       Please do not think your husband sticks around  out of obligation , No doubt  he loves you .

     Over the years we have had ups and downs .   
     My Husband is still  HIV NEGATIVE !!!!   I hope it stays that way .

       My Bob is not a talker when it comes to  HIV issue or my health .  He is a great man and provides
  me with all I need , As long as I do not bring up any HIV issues  :-[

    I no longer ask my husband to go to our support group , the greatest one in S.E.Missouri  ;)

    As things go , we live together and I try to avoid SEX  :-[ 

   Not as easy as said . But LOVE  is  prevalent in our daily lives !

    That's all that matters , We make it work .

    I hope you and yours work out the wrinkles and have a wonderfully joyous life  as we have .

                                                                Be well ,  Carl
" Live and let Live "

 


Terms of Membership for these forums
 

© 2014 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.