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Author Topic: Broken condom with sex worker  (Read 1265 times)

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Offline dealing_with_uncertainty

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Broken condom with sex worker
« on: June 08, 2013, 11:06:29 AM »
While I think I already know the answer to my question from reading the answers to previous questions, I think there will be some value in sharing my case. I want to also thank everybody for the wonderful work that is being done here.

Yesterday I went to a bar here in Nepal and I met this girl who presented herself as a waitress. She was really giggly and seem quite innocent. Then after I paid the bill the people in the bar said I could take her home if I paid some money. Being drunk I made a decision I now think was stupid, and maybe even wrong since the money didn't go directly to her. When we got to the hotel she said she is a waitress and she doesn't normally do this but she really liked me, which I naively believed as she seemed to be really enjoying it and kissing me back all the time.

We did oral and fingering, which I now know is not a risk. I had two good quality Okamoto condoms which didn't break, but I used them quickly as they kept rolling up. Then I was leaving to get more condoms but the guy said I couldn't leave at that time (the place seemed to be secretly used for bringing girls) and they gave me some condoms. I was using the condoms they gave me and checking to see if they were not broken and it was fine, until one time I checked and it was broken, as they seemed to be bad quality. I realized that I hadn't penetrated her for very long since the last time I had checked and the condom wasn't broken, maybe 10 or 20 seconds maximum. I had a cold sensation but did not let panic take me over, and I asked her if she had any diseases to which she honestly answer "I don't know". Then I breathed, looked to the side and decided to discreetly go wash my penis so as not to insult her. Then I thought I had to be more careful, go slower and choose positions where I can hold the condom and keep checking it. The condoms didn't break again. My penis doesn't have any sores or wounds, which gives me some comfort.

I believe I have very low risk of getting hiv and low (but somewhat higher) risk of getting another std. Nepal is a low hiv country, though of course sex workers presents much higher risk. The girl seemed not to care to have sex without condom if I wanted to, which made me worried that she had done that with other people. She said she only worked in the bar for about 6 months but the guy in my hotel says she has been in this life for longer, and he's pretty sure he saw her in a similar place before. This was my first time with a sex worker and I don't want to do this ever again, as I now feel it was really not worth it.

There are dozens of stds out there, and I'm sure it's not viable to get tested for all. Also unless you practice strict monogamy, being with only one person for all your life and that person also only being with you, it's almost inevitable to get at least one of those dozen stds out there throughout your life. So in that sense it's a choice to be made, which I believe I did.

That said, I'm committed to not expose myself to unnecessary risk like that ever again, and to avoid sex workers all together from now on.

So the questions I wanted to ask:

1) I'm going to Italy, so is there a full panel std test that covers all the most relevant stds out there?

2) I saw that the waiting time for an accurate hiv result is 3 months, but when it comes to getting a best "overall" waiting time for doing a full panel test and getting a reasonably accurate result then what is the ideal waiting time?

Offline Jeff G

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Re: Broken condom with sex worker
« Reply #1 on: June 08, 2013, 11:26:01 AM »
Hi DWU , The broken condom incident is low risk but not no risk , so you are correct that testing is required . I think you are going to come out of this OK , its rare for the insertive partner to test positive in situations such as a condom break or brief dipping .

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care checkup, including but not limited to HIV testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine checkups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine HIV tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than HIV. Some of the other STIs can be present with no obvious symptoms, so the only way to know for sure is to test.

You can ask your doctor or go to a clinic and request a full STD panel . You will need to wait 6 weeks past the incident to test and then test again at 3 months to confirm the results .



Offline Jeff G

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Re: Broken condom with sex worker
« Reply #2 on: June 08, 2013, 02:57:22 PM »
I removed your post from another members thread  , only authorized members can answer questions in the AM I INFECTED FORUM , please keep all of your post here in your own thread and read the forum posting rules in the welcome thread .

Offline dealing_with_uncertainty

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Re: Broken condom with sex worker
« Reply #3 on: June 08, 2013, 04:16:22 PM »
Sorry about that, and thank you so much for your answer!

Something just occurred to me here right now, which made me happier. The girl I had sex with was asking for more money as she left. I have her number and I know where she works. So I can give her money with the condition that she agrees to get tested. This way I can get an earlier indication and I have the opportunity of helping her with whatever she has. Better than waiting for so long  :)

Offline Jeff G

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Re: Broken condom with sex worker
« Reply #4 on: June 08, 2013, 04:53:41 PM »
Sorry about that, and thank you so much for your answer!

Something just occurred to me here right now, which made me happier. The girl I had sex with was asking for more money as she left. I have her number and I know where she works. So I can give her money with the condition that she agrees to get tested. This way I can get an earlier indication and I have the opportunity of helping her with whatever she has. Better than waiting for so long  :)

I wouldn't bother her by asking her to test for you , its now your responsibility to test and her HIV status has nothing to do with yours . I'm serious , leave the woman alone , her HIV status is NOT the issue now , what's done is done .

I think you are going to come out of this OK but there are no shortcuts to testing so your just going to have wait for the appropriate time to test in order to get an accurate result , if not you will be wondering if you should have waited or you will e wasting time and money on HIV test . 

Offline dealing_with_uncertainty

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Re: Broken condom with sex worker
« Reply #5 on: June 08, 2013, 05:07:01 PM »
I don't see the harm in asking her to do a full std panel... It's always good to know your std status whoever you are, so I'll be doing her a favor at the same time... She will also get the money that she wants and I'll get some peace of mind.

I know it's not a complete guarantee, but do you deny that her std test will also be a good indication for me?

Like I said, I can possibly even help her pay for the treatment depending on the result. I was really surprised by your answer, I thought I'd be applauded...  :-\

Offline Jeff G

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Re: Broken condom with sex worker
« Reply #6 on: June 08, 2013, 05:34:20 PM »
I don't see the harm in asking her to do a full std panel... It's always good to know your std status whoever you are, so I'll be doing her a favor at the same time... She will also get the money that she wants and I'll get some peace of mind.

I know it's not a complete guarantee, but do you deny that her std test will also be a good indication for me?

Like I said, I can possibly even help her pay for the treatment depending on the result. I was really surprised by your answer, I thought I'd be applauded...  :-\

Please don't misread my tone . I'm trying to get you to see that what matters is what STD's you have not what she might have .

The testing window period exist in part as a failsafe measure to factor in incubation periods , Her std panel at any one point isn't in any way a reliable way to gauge what you may or may not have been exposed too . 

You only want her to test for your peace of mind and not because you wish to help her so don't even try that . The advice I gave you was out of concern that you have a proper screening and not one of judgment .


Offline Ann

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Re: Broken condom with sex worker
« Reply #7 on: June 09, 2013, 05:44:35 AM »
dealing,

Another way to look at what Jeff has been (correctly) saying to you is this:

What if she's been recently infected with hiv and is still testing antibody negative? Getting her tested - and receiving a negative result - will not tell you a single thing about her hiv status. Or yours.

A full STI panel for her also won't really tell you much about her sexual health if she's been recently infected with something else. Most STIs can only be tested for ten days to two weeks following infection. Syphilis shares a three month testing window with hiv for a conclusive negative result.

Her sexual health is her business and responsibility, just as your sexual health is YOUR responsibility. As Jeff said, leave the woman alone.

As the insertive partner during a condom break, you are highly unlikely to end up hiv positive regardless of her hiv status. I've been answering risk assessment/testing questions in this forum since 2001 and I've yet to see the insertive partner end up poz in your situation.

I don't expect you will be the first, so calm down, leave the woman alone, and get yourself - not her - tested at the appropriate time.

Ann
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

 


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