Quantcast

Subscribe to:
POZ magazine
Newsletters
Join POZ: Facebook MySpace Twitter Pinterest
Tumblr Google+ Flickr Instagram
POZ Personals
Sign In / Join
Username:
Password:
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
December 18, 2014, 12:01:46 PM

Login with username, password and session length


Members
Stats
  • Total Posts: 649738
  • Total Topics: 49590
  • Online Today: 284
  • Online Ever: 585
  • (January 07, 2014, 02:31:47 PM)
Users Online

Welcome


Welcome to the POZ/AIDSmeds Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ/AIDSmeds community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Welcome to Am I Infected

IMPORTANT UPDATE
Posted Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Welcome to the "Am I Infected?" POZ forum.

New members -- those who have posted three or fewer messages -- are permitted to post questions and responses, free of charge (make them count!). Ongoing participation in the "Am I Infected?" forum -- posting more than three questions or responses -- requires a paid subscription.

A seven-day subscription is $9.99, a 30-day subscription is $14.99 and a 90-day subscription is $24.99.

Anyone who needs to post more than three messages in the "Am I Infected?" forum -- including past, present and future POZ Forums members -- will need to subscribe, with secure payments made via PayPal.

There will be no charge to continue reading threads in the "Am I Infected?" forum, nor will there be a charge for participating in any of the Main Forums; Meds, Mind, Body & Benefits; and Off Topic Forums. Similarly, all POZ and AIDSmeds pages, including our "How is HIV Transmitted?" and "Am I Infected? (A Guide to Testing for HIV)" lessons, will remain accessible to all. 

NOTE: HIV testing questions will still need to be posted in the "Am I Infected?" forum; attempts to post HIV symptoms or testing questions in any other forums will be considered violations of our rules of membership and subject to time-outs and permanent bans.

To learn how to upgrade your Forums account to participate beyond three posts in the "Am I Infected?" Forum, please click here.

Thank you for your understanding and future support of the best online support service for people living with, affected by and at risk for HIV.

Author Topic: Worried out of my mind Sex with HIV+  (Read 1472 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Questions9080

  • Standard
  • Member
  • Posts: 3
Worried out of my mind Sex with HIV+
« on: June 04, 2013, 04:42:17 PM »
Let me start by saying I appreciate all the work that is done on the forum it is a really good resource for those who have valid concerns. My situation is: I had sex with a guy I meet. We had sex 3 times with a condom. The part that is scaring me is that I used lotion to lubricate the condom all three time we had intercourse. I know this is BAD. I know how important it is to use a water based lubricant for anal sex and for latex condoms. Anyways I always take my partners to get tested. I took the guy I was involved with to get tested and he tested poz. During the situation I was scared out of my mind for both him and I. I've been in a situation before when I had sex with a HIV+ guy used lotion for a lubricant and the condom remained intacted. I tested negative and that was 2 years ago. This situation has really scared me. My questions are:

1. Should I be worried? what is my risk seeing that our condom didn't break?

2. I really want pursue a relationship with this guy because I like him a lot but my anxiety and maybe lack of knowledge about HIV scares me.

Any advice is greatly appreciated,

Questions9080

Offline jkinatl2

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,007
  • Doo. Dah. Dipp-ity.
Re: Worried out of my mind Sex with HIV+
« Reply #1 on: June 04, 2013, 05:03:47 PM »
Let me start by saying I appreciate all the work that is done on the forum it is a really good resource for those who have valid concerns. My situation is: I had sex with a guy I meet. We had sex 3 times with a condom. The part that is scaring me is that I used lotion to lubricate the condom all three time we had intercourse. I know this is BAD. I know how important it is to use a water based lubricant for anal sex and for latex condoms. Anyways I always take my partners to get tested. I took the guy I was involved with to get tested and he tested poz. During the situation I was scared out of my mind for both him and I. I've been in a situation before when I had sex with a HIV+ guy used lotion for a lubricant and the condom remained intacted. I tested negative and that was 2 years ago. This situation has really scared me. My questions are:

1. Should I be worried? what is my risk seeing that our condom didn't break?

2. I really want pursue a relationship with this guy because I like him a lot but my anxiety and maybe lack of knowledge about HIV scares me.

Any advice is greatly appreciated,

Questions9080

Condoms are designed to fail catastrophically. Yours didn't fail. Ergo, you had no risk for HIV.

If you are interested in pursuing a relationship with this guy, then perhaps you could be honest about your fear of HIV and suggest you take it slow until you have been tested together once, then again three months after entering a mutually monogamous relationship. Of course, while you do that, you ought to learn more about HIV and overcome your fear of it, either on your own or through counseling.

Or, you can go the reverse direction, seeing as you have already had intercourse. You could overcome your fear of HIV, develop a trust in condom use (and get some condom-friendly lubricant) and continue to see this person, with sex involved, and see where it goes.

This isn't a relationship advice forum, but once you initiate intercourse as part of your paradigm, it's not easy to put that particular genie back in the bottle. As you work through your fear of HIV (respect it, learn how to avoid it, but don't fear it) you might want to reconsider sexual intimacy until such time as you are comfortable getting tested together.

I can help with the learning part.

Use a condom (correctly) for anal and vaginal intercourse and you will avoid HIV. It really is that simple.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline Questions9080

  • Standard
  • Member
  • Posts: 3
Re: Worried out of my mind Sex with HIV+
« Reply #2 on: June 05, 2013, 12:35:05 AM »
Thanks for you advice and help with this situation. I will consider the things you mentioned. Does frottage( me rubbing my penis against his anus not penetrating) carry any risk?

Offline jkinatl2

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,007
  • Doo. Dah. Dipp-ity.
Re: Worried out of my mind Sex with HIV+
« Reply #3 on: June 05, 2013, 12:58:09 AM »
Thanks for you advice and help with this situation. I will consider the things you mentioned. Does frottage( me rubbing my penis against his anus not penetrating) carry any risk?

Nope. Only penetrative anal and vaginal sex.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 28,140
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Worried out of my mind Sex with HIV+
« Reply #4 on: June 05, 2013, 07:50:02 AM »
Questions,

Now that your new friend and potential partner knows he's hiv positive, he can get the medical attention he needs. So while I find your statement of "I always take my partners to get tested" a little creepy, you may have done this man a big favour.

If and/or when he goes on hiv treatment*, once he achieves an undetectable viral load and sustains an UD VL for six months, provided he has no other active STIs he is very unlikely to transmit his virus to you, say in the case of a broken condom. There's a whole new "treatment as prevention" paradigm these days - because it works.

*In the US, many newly diagnosed people are put on meds ASAP. This treatment protocol varies in other parts of the world, but more and more places are adopting this protocol, partly because the newer meds are so much easier to take, with fewer side-effects, and partly because of the "treatment as prevention" good news.

Condoms also work as prevention and have been proven to prevent hiv infection, regardless of the poz person's VL. There have been three long-term studies of couples where one is positive and one is negative. In the couples who used condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, but no barrier for oral activities, not one of the negative partners became infected with hiv. Not one.

Please make sure you read through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use them correctly and with confidence. If you do not have water-based lube available, using spit (or even plain water) is MUCH better than resorting to hand-lotion or any other product that may contain oil/petroleum products. Saliva is NOT infectious, so it doesn't matter if you use his spit, your spit, or a combination of both.

Last but not least - take the time to read some of the Lessons found elsewhere on this website. Please also introduce your friend to this website - he's going to need the support and experience of those of us who have been there, done that, and this forum is an excellent place for him to get the support he needs.

Good luck with your new relationship and learning (together, perhaps) about hiv, and as Jonathan so aptly said; "respect it, learn how to avoid it, but don't fear it." There are many poz/neg relationships out there who are very happy, have full sex-lives, and have been together for years with the negative partner remaining negative. You can do it too.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Questions9080

  • Standard
  • Member
  • Posts: 3
Re: Worried out of my mind Sex with HIV+
« Reply #5 on: June 06, 2013, 12:06:13 AM »
Ann,

Thanks so much for your advice. You have given me the courage and reassurance to continue a friendship and possible relationship with this guy I care about.

Thank you!!  :)

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 28,140
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Worried out of my mind Sex with HIV+
« Reply #6 on: June 06, 2013, 08:16:41 AM »
Questions,

You're welcome! That's what we're here for.

Ann


PS - 90% of sexual arousal is due to what is going on inside your (big) head. I'm telling you this because some people find condoms to be a bit of a turn-off, but it doesn't have to be that way. You can find imaginative, sexy ways of incorporating the act of putting the condom on into your foreplay. You can make them sexy.
« Last Edit: June 06, 2013, 08:22:29 AM by Ann »
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

 


Terms of Membership for these forums
 

© 2014 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.