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Sad and lonely


I've been back and forth with my baby father/man who infected me for years now and I feel like there's nothing left of the 'old me' anymore, it's been this rollercoaster of love and hate.  I don't know how to break the cycle and move on for good.  I'm scared he'll never see his son so I won't ever get a break, my work will suffer etc as I need him to help with dropping at child-care, and I won't see my friends/meet anyone as won't have anyone to look after him.

I'm scared I'll be alone forever.  Not only do I not have time to meet someone but then comes the horrible disclosure conversation.

I try to count my blessings, my son is gorgeous and healthy, I have a wonderful secure job, got the NHS here so free meds, great friends and family.  But there's just this big gaping hole of fear and anxiety in me that keeps leading me back to him.

I drink too much when I feel lonely and bored. 

SOrry for the moan, I've just had enough at the moment and keep snapping at my boy which breaks my heart too.

... I'm currently going through something semi-similar... It's just I saw that no one had made a post for you yet and I wanted to say some things to you.

Don't give up -things will happen when the time is ready for them to happen to you. I know, I know - waiting for it to happen seems juvenile as we are adults. I believe that you'll be able to continue to live life, make goals and have success in those goals. It's unfortunate that many important life changes come slower than we want them but when we remain patient and take care of ourselves we're open to the world and someone will be sent to us. I'm sorry that you are sad and lonely - talk as much as you want to - I'm finding there are many supportive people here that can share their wisdom and experience. Be well and keep us informed.<3

Hey you,
It's Snow. It's been so long that I have been on, I had to create a new account. I am suffering from CRS :)
Sorry to hear you are feeling sad and lonely.
It took a lot for me to get away from the guy that infected me and was the father of my son.  You deserve to be happy and fulfilled.    I would hope that even if you guys aren't together he would still contribute by helping with what you need.  If he doesn't, it is his loss.  My babies are turning 10 this weekend, you will be amazed how time flies and how the people that really care about you and your son will step up to the plate. I am still on FB if you want to chat.


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