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Author Topic: It seems that gay men past 40 don't want to make new friends.  (Read 2703 times)

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Offline LiveWithIt

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As long as they have their old friends they are fine and don't want any new ones.

They are just looking for boyfriends and if you are not interested in that they are not interested in you.

The thing is that maybe a friendship can lead to something else. 
Pray God you can cope
I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.

Offline OneTampa

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Re: It seems that gay men past 40 don't want to make new friends.
« Reply #1 on: June 01, 2013, 06:31:55 PM »
Interesting post to point perspective.

However, as a person almost 20 years past 40 and being of the "happy" persuasion, I  must say that I have been fortunate to make a few very good new friends over the last 2 decades.

 :D
« Last Edit: June 01, 2013, 06:35:25 PM by OneTampa »
"He is my oldest child. The shy and retiring one over there with the Haitian headdress serving pescaŪto frito."

Online Jeff G

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Re: It seems that gay men past 40 don't want to make new friends.
« Reply #2 on: June 01, 2013, 06:42:26 PM »
As long as they have their old friends they are fine and don't want any new ones.

 

Its because no one wants to come over to hang out just to watch me take a nap in my recliner .


Offline WillyWump

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Re: It seems that gay men past 40 don't want to make new friends.
« Reply #3 on: June 02, 2013, 07:51:17 PM »
Its because no one wants to come over to hang out just to watch me take a nap in my recliner .

Oh I'll come watch you. Can i stuff Cheetoos in your cheeks while you're snoozin?

Since I've been poz, most all my new friends have been 40+. Of course Im referring to friends that Ive met at the Forum gatherings. Other than that I havent really added any new peeps to my friend circle.

-W
POZ since '08

Last Labs-
6/3/14 CD4- 736, UD 34%
6/25/13 CD4- 1036, UD,
2/4/13, CD4 - 489, UD, 28%

Current Meds: Prezista/Epzicom/ Norvir
.

Online Jeff G

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Re: It seems that gay men past 40 don't want to make new friends.
« Reply #4 on: June 02, 2013, 08:03:16 PM »
Oh I'll come watch you. Can i stuff Cheetoos in your cheeks while you're snoozin?

Since I've been poz, most all my new friends have been 40+. Of course Im referring to friends that Ive met at the Forum gatherings. Other than that I havent really added any new peeps to my friend circle.

-W

I don't care how old they are , if they have Cheetos they can be my friend . 

Offline weasel

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Re: It seems that gay men past 40 don't want to make new friends.
« Reply #5 on: June 02, 2013, 09:41:45 PM »
As long as they have their old friends they are fine and don't want any new ones.

They are just looking for boyfriends and if you are not interested in that they are not interested in you.

The thing is that maybe a friendship can lead to something else.

   I have found that I have made a few friends in the past several years .  No gay ones  local though .
   It is true , most want sex and if they  find out you are not into sex they get offended :o
   I am lucky to have friends that have stuck through the very odd times in my life . 
   Tried to make local friends , there are Queers in these woods , But so far they act like they are
   Better ? , Not sure . I have gotten to the point I don't care .
   Nobody gets to be almost 60 and did it because of outside help . I am comfortable with acquaintances that i do not have to  entertain   ;)
   When i get too lonesome for friends I head home to Connecticut and have a ball , The after a few weeks
 I'm ready to hang out in the woods with my husband  :)

                                                                                          Carl   
   
" Live and let Live "

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: It seems that gay men past 40 don't want to make new friends.
« Reply #6 on: June 03, 2013, 03:47:37 PM »
Its because no one wants to come over to hang out just to watch me take a nap in my recliner .


No, it's because you fart and have Old Man Smell.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Online Jeff G

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Re: It seems that gay men past 40 don't want to make new friends.
« Reply #7 on: June 03, 2013, 03:49:58 PM »
No, it's because you fart and have Old Man Smell.

Shouldn't you be bobbing for snails for dinner about right now ? 

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: It seems that gay men past 40 don't want to make new friends.
« Reply #8 on: June 03, 2013, 04:06:30 PM »
Shouldn't you be bobbing for snails for dinner about right now ? 

We just ate French ham, cornichons, peas with lardon and some fromage blanc for dessert. Tomorrow after visiting the morning farmers' market I will eat lunch at the McDonalds on Place Bellecour and file a menu report for Guilhermina.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline mecch

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Re: It seems that gay men past 40 don't want to make new friends.
« Reply #9 on: June 03, 2013, 08:14:25 PM »
Most of the gay men past 40 who I would want to screw with, don't want to screw their own age and/or me.

Luckily in urban regions, there is enough concentration of horny guys that the few who do screw their own age, makes a not-depressing pool of prospects. 

I haven't found that older men are adverse to socialising. 

I'm not sure I buy the argument of this threat.

I hear the same complaint from gays of all ages, these days.  That guys are too distracted by the convenient 24h supermarkets of sex.

There was a piece on the Geneva current events program about consumer behavior in the age of too much choice.  They interviewed a psychologist in Geneva and in Pennsylvania, who explained that people are quite paralyzed when faced with too much choice, in the their daily purchases, for example. 

The brain can NOT deal with the calculations involved in considering the variations of even a dozen or so objects, because adding in a few variables, specifics, comparable features, of those things make thousands of combinations. So what to choose? 

Faced with a selection of 100 shampoos, or 100 television sets, people are frozen and their brains show similar patterns to depression...

Its not rare that I speak with younger guys who are such attractive bombs, and they say they aren't getting the sexual conquests, nor the real social connections they desire.  I think if you are on social media, its easy to be presented with a bewildering choice, and people become frozen, wanting the ideal, never deciding or settling on the real. 

To me, this explains some of whats happening behind the guys I see on the local chats, mature men, forever looking for the younger guy, or the guy of their dreams. Obviously they are NOT finding this, because there they are, always looking, waiting, rejecting...

I find that if I meet people in daily life, face to face, there are more possibilities, both sexual and for friendship.  When people are not in "shopping" mode, they are more open, receptive, not frozen by endless choice.

I agree its not easy to make friends. I'll agree the game changes already after the early to mid 20's.  And its not easy if you are doing it cold turkey, not operating within a clique of established friendships.

Just my two cents.   

ďFrom each, according to his ability; to each, according to his needĒ 1875 K Marx

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: It seems that gay men past 40 don't want to make new friends.
« Reply #10 on: June 04, 2013, 03:19:09 AM »
For once I can wholeheartedly agree with my good friend la meecherella
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline Dachshund

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Re: It seems that gay men past 40 don't want to make new friends.
« Reply #11 on: June 04, 2013, 11:25:46 AM »
For once I can wholeheartedly agree with my good friend la meecherella

Admit girl you're slung up in her pied a terre drinking boxed wine.

Offline Habersham

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Re: It seems that gay men past 40 don't want to make new friends.
« Reply #12 on: June 04, 2013, 11:36:12 AM »
Anyone with a fresh box a wine please come by here. I've got a fresh bag of corn chips. Now that's what I call nutrition. And my a/c works too!
Because I Can

Offline leatherman

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Re: It seems that gay men past 40 don't want to make new friends.
« Reply #13 on: June 04, 2013, 12:14:24 PM »
I agree its not easy to make friends. I'll agree the game changes already after the early to mid 20's.  And its not easy if you are doing it cold turkey, not operating within a clique of established friendships.
but it can be done  ;)

when I moved to SC from OH (after 25 yrs), I left behind all my living friends, dead friends, and deceased partners. But I didn't want to live a solitary life, so I made a plan! I would attend every event offered by the clinic, by the new people I was meeting each day, by my family, by advocacy activities, by old high school friends, etc. Anything and any place where I'd meet new people, that's where I went. Yes it was hard. I had to be even more out-going, jovial, and social than ever before. And it took time. ::)

So in the almost 4 yrs I've been back home, I met a lot of people - and a lot of people that those people knew - and I've done a lot of things. I've seen new sites and gone new places. I have a good handful of friends; I had a boyfriend for a while, and I've got a couple good fuck-buddies too.

See I've never been adverse to hooking up with someone new. I mean I am looking for new friends, and maybe a potential boyfriend, and of course just a plain ol' chance to get laid LOL. You never know when a trick will turn into a friendship or something more. ;)
leatherman (aka mIkIE)


chart from 1992-2013; updated 2/09/13  Reyataz/Norvir/Truvada

Offline OneTampa

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Re: It seems that gay men past 40 don't want to make new friends.
« Reply #14 on: June 04, 2013, 12:34:04 PM »
Interesting, and somewhat disputed, article in USA Today about the benefits of online dating.

Link: http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2013/06/03/online-dating-marriage/2377961/
"He is my oldest child. The shy and retiring one over there with the Haitian headdress serving pescaŪto frito."

Offline leatherman

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Re: It seems that gay men past 40 don't want to make new friends.
« Reply #15 on: June 04, 2013, 01:04:12 PM »
Interesting, and somewhat disputed, article in USA Today about the benefits of online dating.
that reminds me, the new season of "Catfish" will be starting up jun 25th on mtv

I wouldn't doubt that many people meet through the internet. I've met lots of friends (and friends of friends) through the internet and then met them in real life. I've hooked up with people through social media. I'm sure that there are lots of relationships now that we all have that are because of social media - some are still vitural, while some become RL. (sorta like the relationships I have with people here on AM, who I then met in real life at the Seattle AMG)
leatherman (aka mIkIE)


chart from 1992-2013; updated 2/09/13  Reyataz/Norvir/Truvada

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: It seems that gay men past 40 don't want to make new friends.
« Reply #16 on: June 04, 2013, 01:20:19 PM »
Admit girl you're slung up in her pied a terre drinking boxed wine.

I'll have you know I had a Ä19/$25 glass of Cote Rotie at Grand Cafe de Negociants with a bevy of swarthy Algerians, not our fair milkmaid of Bern.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline Habersham

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Re: It seems that gay men past 40 don't want to make new friends.
« Reply #17 on: June 04, 2013, 02:20:48 PM »
Miss P - that sounded rather grand so I punched it in my search bar. It took me to the
Facebook profile of one of the cutest waitrons from there.  Talk about gilded!
Because I Can

Offline Fisher

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Re: It seems that gay men past 40 don't want to make new friends.
« Reply #18 on: June 06, 2013, 06:34:11 PM »
Well past 40 but not yet old. Older guy, looking for friends in all the wrong places, I guess. Perhaps to make a bud or two at AMG, if I am fortunate and lucky. Joni Mitchell says "it's so hard to make and keep a friend."
- fisher
07/14 CD 391 %20 VL UD
04/14 CD 486 %23 VL <20
11/13 CD 351 %21  VL <20
10/13 CD 390 %16  VL <20
06/13 CD 315 %19  VL  22
02/13 CD 396 %14  VL <20
12/12 CD 392 %13  VL 320
11/12 CD 428 %13  VL 1200
*Started Meds: Atripla
10/12 CD 427 %11  VL 139000 -- 09/12 CD 408 %13 VL 92928
09/11 CD 745 %27 VL CLOT -- 10/10 CD 863 %29 VL 2782
10/09 CD 597 %30 VL 2537 -- 05/08 CD 809 %28 VL 1504
04/07 CD 797 %25 VL 3558 -- 11/06 CD 720 %28 VL 1214
06/05 CD 731 %25 VL 1575 -- 12/04 CD 1176 %30 VL 1329
01/04 CD 959 %26 VL 1011 -- 11/03 CD 1000 %28 VL 1581
12/02 CD 748 %28 -- 10/01 CD 860 %25
08/00 CD 1022 %28 -- 04/99 CD 854 %27
11/98 CD 899 %28 -- 02/97 CD 1400 %37
11/96 CD 1325  VL <500 -- 09/96 Ė Western Blot
05/83 Ė 04/98 - Monogamous Partner Being Negative
ARS - Los Angeles Dec '82

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: It seems that gay men past 40 don't want to make new friends.
« Reply #19 on: June 08, 2013, 07:10:58 AM »
Miss P - that sounded rather grand so I punched it in my search bar. It took me to the
Facebook profile of one of the cutest waitrons from there.  Talk about gilded!

Yeah, they don't have that in San Antonio rest assured!
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline WillyWump

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Re: It seems that gay men past 40 don't want to make new friends.
« Reply #20 on: June 08, 2013, 07:56:28 AM »
Yeah, they don't have that in San Antonio rest assured!

Btw, for the love of God please stop texting me at 4:30 in the morning about the previous weeks weather.  ::) I'm not old like you so I actually do need 8 hours sleep.

See people sometimes this ^ is the downside to having friends over 40
« Last Edit: June 08, 2013, 08:00:16 AM by WillyWump »
POZ since '08

Last Labs-
6/3/14 CD4- 736, UD 34%
6/25/13 CD4- 1036, UD,
2/4/13, CD4 - 489, UD, 28%

Current Meds: Prezista/Epzicom/ Norvir
.

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: It seems that gay men past 40 don't want to make new friends.
« Reply #21 on: June 08, 2013, 10:40:16 AM »
Btw, for the love of God please stop texting me at 4:30 in the morning about the previous weeks weather.  ::) I'm not old like you so I actually do need 8 hours sleep.

See people sometimes this ^ is the downside to having friends over 40


It's called jetlag -- if you ever left the state of Texas you'd know that when I sent that message  it was actually 11:30 AM in France.

Anyway, that text has nothing to do with my previous link so your little dog and pony show of dodgeball ain't gonna fly today.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline bill33

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Re: It seems that gay men past 40 don't want to make new friends.
« Reply #22 on: June 09, 2013, 07:16:27 AM »
One more problem exists, that of bulk. Gawd help the old guy who is over weight. The number of slender attractive people make a possible hook up nearly impossible for the chunky old person. Also as people age they are less likely to compromise. When combined we call them denizens of the deep, old troll or hermit. Many older grays simply don't want to spend time at mixers. Still, some attempt to make friends should be made.

Offline mecch

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Re: It seems that gay men past 40 don't want to make new friends.
« Reply #23 on: June 09, 2013, 10:39:08 AM »
Bill, the list of "deal breakers" as Liz Lemon called them, is very very long.  It's certainly a true experience on the social and dating scenes. 

However, I'm not sure older people are less wlling to compromise....   There are people of all ages looking for friends, and/or lovers, who are stymied by their own rigid selection process. A little selection is a good thing, but too much, and you're alone, and never experience new things, either.... 

I don't agree with your observation about uncompromising mature people. For everyone example you can give me, I'll give you another who has learned the value of compromise, as they get older.
ďFrom each, according to his ability; to each, according to his needĒ 1875 K Marx

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: It seems that gay men past 40 don't want to make new friends.
« Reply #24 on: June 10, 2013, 06:09:07 AM »
One more problem exists, that of bulk. Gawd help the old guy who is over weight. The number of slender attractive people make a possible hook up nearly impossible for the chunky old person. Also as people age they are less likely to compromise. When combined we call them denizens of the deep, old troll or hermit. Many older grays simply don't want to spend time at mixers. Still, some attempt to make friends should be made.

I see a lot of overweight guys past the age of 40 or 50 -- it's simply a basic fact that if you are overweight you're not going to score a slim guy, unless he has a fetish for larger men. Are you not attracted to men of your own bodyweight?
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline mecch

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Re: It seems that gay men past 40 don't want to make new friends.
« Reply #25 on: June 10, 2013, 11:55:17 AM »
I know "there's someone for everyone" and "there are plenty of fish in the sea", can sound like pollyanna, lollipop land.  But whats the alternative?  Glass half full or half empty?  Hey even if the glass is 1/3 full, that's still grounds for optimism. 

I'll grant when it comes to socialising and dating, small ponds can be a challenge.


 
ďFrom each, according to his ability; to each, according to his needĒ 1875 K Marx

 


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