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Author Topic: Found someone special! Advice Please from Magnetic Gay Couples  (Read 3800 times)

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Offline moving_forward

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  • Posts: 10
Hello,

Pardon the length, but I think it is important to set the scene.  I posted my story nearly 4 months ago about my diagnosis with HIV.  The good news is I had a PCR test done within 1 week of infection and.  Boom.  I was confirmed.  The silver lining was because I found out so quickly (what I found out is only about 3% of all cases are ever diagnosed this early).  I was able to start Stribild @ 9 weeks post diagnosis.  My viral load went from 450,000 to 4,500 in 5 days on Stribild with no side affects!   :D

While it has taken me time to come to grips with my diagnosis, the funny thing is I feel more healthy now than I did 5 months ago.  I have lost 20 pounds (both the HIV, stress and exercise), I eat much better, take vitamins and have improved my overall mental state through therapy and gasp... coming out of the closet!!  :)  That alone has improved my mental outlook!

What is even better?  I have met someone who I am really into and he into me.  I did not wait to tell.  I disclosed after the second day that I was HIV positive in case he needed to run.  I am of the mindset to be selective of whom I can trust and I trust this individual so I wanted to be clear and honest in the very beginning.  He stayed.

The past few weeks have been some of the best weeks I can remember in a very long time.  We have held each other, talked, and deep kissed.  He is not afraid of the HIV, but cautious (rightly so) and wants to make sure before we do anything further that we are well educated on what we can and can't do from a safe sex perspective.  I have read the forums, and I was wondering if I could solicit advice from other Magnetic Couples (preferably gay).

I am the bottom in the relationship and he the top.  Kissing, cuddling, touching, all is safe, no worries there.  Let's get to oral sex.  I understand that I need to be Undetectable (my hope is by now I am but will find out in 10 days once labs will be back from appointment this week.  If I give him a blow job (my oral health is great)  What are the risks for him?  If he were to give me a blow job (his is great as well) what risks are we looking at.  I am not sure if we would use condoms for oral sex.  Likewise, if we have anal intercourse, what are his chances with a condom?  I have heard very low to nearly zero, given I am on meds.  Do any other couples have advice?  Do other couples have Post exposure drugs available just in case?  Any thoughts here for his perspective as a negative top would be very helpful.  I really want this relationship to work and I don't want HIV to define who I am or define our relationships if we treat it with respect.  Thanks for the advice!
7January2013 Seroconverted
22January2013 tested positive
7March13 CD4 481 VL 300,176 CD4 28%
23March13 Started Stribild
28March13 CD4 434 VL 4,479 CD4 31%

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: Found someone special! Advice Please from Magnetic Gay Couples
« Reply #1 on: May 19, 2013, 11:39:09 PM »
I have been HIV since 1993, and have been in three long-ish term magnetic relationships (five years each) since. I am almost to the two-year point in my third magnetic relationship.

I have also devoted a significant amount of time researching HIV prevention and transmission, and have (hopefully) added something of that work to these forums in the last ten years helping out in the AM I INFECTED forum.

Like you, I am the bottom in this relationship.

I practice what I preach.

Onto the facts:

ORAL

There is no way you are going to give him HIV by giving him oral. It's never been documented, and the science is firmly against it.

If you guys are in a mutually monogamous relationship and you have no other STDs (which have been known to cause a spike in seminal viral load even when blood viral load is undetectable)  then there is no real danger to him giving you oral either, especially if you are undetectable. Saliva contains over a dozen identified elements that neutralize HIV and render it incapable of infecting. In addition, the receptive cells that are targeted by HIV are not found in any abundance in the mouth and oral cavity.

There have been no fewer than three separate serodiscordant studies done. One lasted ten years, one five, and one three. In these studies, condoms were used for anal and vaginal sex but no barrier at all was used for oral activity or any kind. These studies followed people on and off meds, with viral loads ranging from UD to the millions.

There were absolutely no infections associated with oral sex in any of those studies.

ANAL

If you are a bottom, and If you have an UD VL,  you and your partner have several options.

You can use condoms for anal sex and forego condoms for oral sex.

Your partner can take PrEP, usually Truvada, and you can either use or forego condoms for anal sex.

Or, depending on your mutual level of trust, you can forego condoms for anal sex if your VL remains UD for a length of time.

These scenarios range in levels of controversy, but from all I have read, the only real controversy seems to be when plugging in the gay male notion (pun intended.) PLENTY of straight magnetic couples choose to forego condoms to procreate, and the number that returns to condom use after conception is certainly not overwhelming. No one seems to shout down folks in the women's Forum who make such choices.

You are taking meds, and responding well to treatment. As a bottom, your risk to your partner is minimal to none with an UD VL - and that's referring to unprotected anal sex. As far as oral is concerned, there is essentially no risk at all.

It is important that your partner arrive at his own conclusions, but I urge you to show him the data. Conjecture and hypervole have no place in discussions as important as this.

You are very lucky to have someone understanding and compassionate in your life. And so is he.
"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline buginme2

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Re: Found someone special! Advice Please from Magnetic Gay Couples
« Reply #2 on: May 20, 2013, 01:46:37 AM »
Very sweet story.  Good luck in your relationship, it sounds fun!

I'm also gay, positive, and my partner is negative.   I don't really have much to add to what JK stated, he pretty much covered it all. 

One thing I will say if you choose to forego condoms is you need be careful about other stds besides HIV.  More so for you than your negative partner. 

Syphillis can be a bitch if your hiv positive and isn't something you want to get.  There are others as well.   So, if you are completely monogamous and have an undetectable viral load and your bottoming, I think it's ok to forego the condoms (but that's just my personal opinion) if you both are comfortable with that.   If your not completely monogamous I would consider keeping the condoms on or at the very least make sure you are both getting routine std screenings.  Your partner should also get routine std and HIV screenings (maybe even once every six months).

Anyway, good luck, feel free to follow up with any questions.
Don't be fancy, just get dancey

Offline friskyguy

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Re: Found someone special! Advice Please from Magnetic Gay Couples
« Reply #3 on: May 20, 2013, 03:30:59 AM »
spot on and concise excellent advice from buginme2 and jkinatl2.

good move by you to start meds early too and protect your body from damage.

i seem to recall being on meds and UD in the blood for a period of greater than 6months is usually the most quoted time period to 'safely' engage in unprotected anal sex without other STIs. For me personally I would be more comfortable to be UD for 6mths to 1 year before negotiating this 'grey area' with my magnetic partner....and I would want to be 100% meds compliant but that's me!

Even if you come across someone who says that UD in blood does not necessarily mean UD in seminal fluid and therefore a real risk is still apparent for unprotected anal sex......you can reply yes but low levels of HIV in seminal fluid does not necessarily mean that these low levels will actually translate into HIV infection and furthermore you can mention that bottoming in the relationship with HIV again further lowers the risk.

Best of luck
Sero converted Sept '10 / Confirmed + Dec '10
Jan '11, VL 9,500 / CD4 482 (32%)
Feb '11, VL 5,800 / CD4 680 (37%)
start Atripla
Mch '11, VL UD / CD4 700 (42%)
Jun  '11, VL UD / CD4 750 (43%)
swap to Kivexa and Efav. due to osteopenia diag. (DEXA) / kidney issues ( decline in eGFR to 77 )
start supplements - Vit D3 / Omega 3 / multivitamin / mini aspirin
Dec '11,  VL UD <20 /  CD4 670 (49%)  / CD4:CD8 = 1.4
all labs now within normal ranges
Mch '12,  VL UD / CD4 600 (51%)
Sep '12,  VL UD / CD4 810 (51%)
Mch '13   VL UD / CD4 965 (56%)
Sep '13   VL UD / CD4 (not taken)
Dec '13   VL UD / CD4 901 (35%) / CD4:CD8 = 1.1  /  eGFR > 100

Offline mikeyb39

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Re: Found someone special! Advice Please from Magnetic Gay Couples
« Reply #4 on: May 20, 2013, 08:27:26 AM »
Congrats on your relationship.  I think its cool that folks can do that, 'My' preference is to only date other positive guys.  I guess it takes special people to date magnetically. For me it would be a constant worry that I would do something to the negative person.  Plus when I date someone I would prefer condom-less at some point in the relationship.  I know some folks don't like to talk about that, but condom-less is why the majority of us are here.

I'm not trying to discount your relationship, I think it's awesome, but personally myself I would always have that thought in my mind of what he was thinking. Did I do something wrong. If we break up is he going to have me arrested for criminalization.  I guess I think too much, thats why it takes special folks like Bug to do it.

I certainly hope everything works out for you, it certainly can be done there are few folks on here that do it just fine, just have to be cautious all the time.

I'm just speaking out loud, not trying to be a Debbie downer, Just playing devil's advocate i suppose.  Looking at it a different way so you can look at both sides of the issue. 
11/02/2010  cd4-251, vl-591000
12/09/2010  started Atripla
02/18/2011  cd4-425, vl-800
06/10/2011  cd4-447, vl-70
10/10/2011  cd4-666, vl-80
01/05/2012  swiched med (prezista,norvir ,isentress, )
02/10/2012  cd4-733, vl-UD  Viread removed
06/10/2012  cd4-614, vl-UD
12/14/2012  cd4-764, vl-UD
09/01/2013  cd4-785, vl-UD
03/06/2014. cd4- 1078, VL-UD
09/05/2014  cd4-850 , VL-UD

Offline moving_forward

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  • Posts: 10
Re: Found someone special! Advice Please from Magnetic Gay Couples
« Reply #5 on: May 20, 2013, 08:44:35 AM »
Morning MikeyB39

All interesting points. When I first was diagnosed, I was of the mindset that I would only have to date POZ guys as well.  But ironically, there are a lot of magnetic couples out there.  I take my meds religiously (3 alarms between iphone, ipad, and computer!).  Given that, when and if I get to UD from what I understand it is relatively safe. I actually contracted this through safe sex, condom broke.

I guess, if I take care of myself and try to be as safe as possible I know I can be a great partner for someone who is positive or negative.  Regardless, I am going to enjoy this ride while I can.  He is a phenomenal guy and has really given me hope for the future.  Thanks for sharing your viewpoints I appreciate it!
7January2013 Seroconverted
22January2013 tested positive
7March13 CD4 481 VL 300,176 CD4 28%
23March13 Started Stribild
28March13 CD4 434 VL 4,479 CD4 31%

Offline moving_forward

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Re: Found someone special! Advice Please from Magnetic Gay Couples
« Reply #6 on: May 20, 2013, 02:51:21 PM »
Thanks JK and everyone for your help.  Very insightful.  Question.  If I bit my lip and it is healing not openly bleeding.   Does that mean kissing is out of the question to?  I would imagine not given the hostile environment of the mouth to the virus.  Just checking.  thx!
7January2013 Seroconverted
22January2013 tested positive
7March13 CD4 481 VL 300,176 CD4 28%
23March13 Started Stribild
28March13 CD4 434 VL 4,479 CD4 31%

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: Found someone special! Advice Please from Magnetic Gay Couples
« Reply #7 on: May 20, 2013, 03:05:23 PM »
Thanks JK and everyone for your help.  Very insightful.  Question.  If I bit my lip and it is healing not openly bleeding.   Does that mean kissing is out of the question to?  I would imagine not given the hostile environment of the mouth to the virus.  Just checking.  thx!

Categorically no.

 KIssing has NEVER been documented as transmitting HIV, and people have done a lot more/worse than simply biting their lips before/during kissing.

Moreover, if you have an UD VJ, then your blood is no onger infectious at all. This is irrelevant overkill, since even with a high viral load, kissing is no risk - but overkill's better than underkill :)

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline moving_forward

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  • Posts: 10
Re: Found someone special! Advice Please from Magnetic Gay Couples
« Reply #8 on: May 20, 2013, 03:33:44 PM »
Yes JK  you are right overkill is better than under kill.  Thanks for helping me to maneuver this new focus on my life.  Will keep in touch on things progress.  My email is anewstartnc@yahoo.com if ever interested in catching up.

Thx!
7January2013 Seroconverted
22January2013 tested positive
7March13 CD4 481 VL 300,176 CD4 28%
23March13 Started Stribild
28March13 CD4 434 VL 4,479 CD4 31%

Offline Jeff G

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Re: Found someone special! Advice Please from Magnetic Gay Couples
« Reply #9 on: May 20, 2013, 03:36:04 PM »
Hi Moving F . You never replied to Ann in your other post about having a western blot done . Did they eventually do that test and was it positive ?

Offline moving_forward

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  • Posts: 10
Re: Found someone special! Advice Please from Magnetic Gay Couples
« Reply #10 on: May 20, 2013, 11:04:38 PM »
Hi Jeff,

Sorry, it has been a hectic 4 months.  Yes, the reason why the western blot was negative at first was because I knew my contraction date.  I took a PCR test 5 days after my fever broke.  I was 90% sure I had HIV based on my symptoms.  I finally got into my ID 5 weeks after my PCR test results came in.  My first blood tests revealed that my VL was 450,000 and my CD4 was 450.  The Western blot was inconclusive as it was too early.  Apparently for patients who test positive with PCR shortly after contraction will show a negative result for WB.  The good news my HIV type was Wild so no known resistance. 

I started Stribild at week 9 and my VL went from 450,000 (may have been higher by the time I started) to 4,500 copies in 5 days on therapy.  Tomorrow starts my 60th day on Stribild.  My CD4s went down to 430, but I had a cold so not surprising, however my CD4% went up by 5% so everything is trending in the right direction.  I have my blood draw on Friday of this week and should have results early next week.  Keep me in your thoughts that everything is going ok.  Worried about Kidney Function just due to the Stribild, but last count everything was fine. 

The good news is I have had relatively no side affects and had a sinus infection 3 weeks ago so overall doing well.  Mentally, I am in a much better place.  If someone had asked me where would I be after 4 months of diagnosis with HIV I would never have thought this is where I would be.  Happy (for the most part, we all have days) but more appreciative of what I have and what I have to look forward to.  Due to my family situation, I can not disclose, but I wish I could.  I feel it is important to lift the stigma.  One day I will hopefully be able to.  This forum is incredible and now that my life is getting on track I hope to provide my insight and support when I can.  Thanks so much for following up!
7January2013 Seroconverted
22January2013 tested positive
7March13 CD4 481 VL 300,176 CD4 28%
23March13 Started Stribild
28March13 CD4 434 VL 4,479 CD4 31%

Offline Ann

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Re: Found someone special! Advice Please from Magnetic Gay Couples
« Reply #11 on: May 21, 2013, 08:34:18 AM »
If I were you, I'd make sure he is tested for hiv himself before you two start having intercourse. If he hasn't been testing regularly, he could already be hiv positive for all either of you know. A test for him three months past his last incident of unprotected intercourse (with anyone) would be conclusive if negative.

For myself, if I were to embark on a new serodiscordant relationship today, I would insist he was tested before any intercourse occurred - protected or unprotected - I guess it's called covering your ass. He should also be tested for all the other STIs while he's at it, as many can be present with no obvious symptoms, and condoms don't always protect against things like syphilis.

Other than that, I agree with everything that's already been said. Good luck!
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Buckmark

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Re: Found someone special! Advice Please from Magnetic Gay Couples
« Reply #12 on: May 21, 2013, 09:19:25 AM »
If I were you, I'd make sure he is tested for hiv himself before you two start having intercourse. If he hasn't been testing regularly, he could already be hiv positive for all either of you know.
...

This is very sound advice.  If your new beau hasn't been tested recently, he doesn't know he is HIV negative.  Finding this out before you have sex can avoid any "finger pointing" later.  And if for some reason the relationship were to end, having this information can help prevent ugly litigation or even criminal charges later.  As Ann said, CYA.  I know it's not what you want to think about when starting a new relationship, but, you may as well get everything out on the table (as well as the bed :) ).
"Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things:
     One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell.
     The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love."
- Butch Hancock, Musician, The Flatlanders

Offline liketheboat

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Re: Found someone special! Advice Please from Magnetic Gay Couples
« Reply #13 on: May 21, 2013, 07:35:36 PM »
I agree with what everyone has to say as well. Just thought I would add my personal experiance as well. I have been dating my boyfriend for two years. I am the positive bottom, and he is a negative top. I had been undetectable since we started dating and remain undetectable, as well as hardly ever missing a dose. We have made the decision to not use condoms from the beginning. We are both HIV activists and testers so we had already know about the research. I would advise you both to read up on the Swiss statement, and the 052 Study. I get my viral load done on a regular basis to ensure that I am still undetectable, as well as getting checked on a regular basis for other std's as that can have an effect on viral load and transmission rates, as he does as well. He continues to remain negative. And he gets tested about once a month. We have a lot of expired tests from the testing that we do so its a lot easier for us to do regular testing. But I would reccomend him getting tested every three to six months. I think that whatever you choose to do is ok. Just as long as you have an honest and open conversation about it. I would encourage you both do your own research into the matter and talk about it. Better that you both know and are comfterble with the risks. Best of luck in your new relationship. Namaste.
Aaron
Memorial Day 2010 Seroconverted
Labor Day 2010 tested positive
Oct 2010 cd4 359 vl 6,500
Dec 2010 cd4 vl 306
Jan 2011 started Atripla
Feb 2011 cd4 250 vl ud
April 2011 cd4 399 vl ud
June 2011 cd4 293 vl ud
October 2011 cd4 354 vl ud
March 2012 cd4 561 vl ud

Offline positivelynerd

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  • Life isn't a struggle, it's a wiggle.
Re: Found someone special! Advice Please from Magnetic Gay Couples
« Reply #14 on: May 21, 2013, 10:12:54 PM »
I've noticed when discussing foregoing condoms in magnetic relationships, people typically look at the positive partner bottoming (seropositioning if I'm up on my HIV lexicon ;) ).  I definitely understand this is the lower risk situation, but is there more information about more sexually versatile situations or when the top is the poz partner?  I imagine it's a more risky situation and, personally, should I find myself in that situation, would stick to the condoms.  Thanks in advance for whatever information you have for me.
5/25/12 Seroconversion
9/25/12 Diagnosed
10/12/12: VL- 799k, CD4 285
10/25/12 VL- 599k, CD4 274 
Started Sustiva + Epzicom
11/8/12: VL- 1790, CD4 412, 24%,
11/20/12: VL- 1470, CD4 350, 28%
12/19/12: VL- 584, CD4 293, 24%
1/16/13: VL- 411, CD4 404, 27%
2/13/13: VL- 314, CD4 523, 20%
3/13/13: VL- 171, CD4 404, 26%
4/10/13: VL- 96, CD4 397, 27%
5/8/13: VL- UD, CD4 422, 26%
6/5/13: VL- UD, CD4 462, 31%
7/24/13: VL- UD, CD4 559, 33%

"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed." -A. Einstein

Offline moving_forward

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Re: Found someone special! Advice Please from Magnetic Gay Couples
« Reply #15 on: May 21, 2013, 11:03:13 PM »
Thanks Aaron!  All great advice.  I am glad to hear that you continue to be in a great magnetic relationship.  I am also glad to hear that from what I see on this forum it is possible to have a wonderful sexual relationship in a magnetic couple.  Thanks again!
7January2013 Seroconverted
22January2013 tested positive
7March13 CD4 481 VL 300,176 CD4 28%
23March13 Started Stribild
28March13 CD4 434 VL 4,479 CD4 31%

Offline liketheboat

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  • Posts: 44
Re: Found someone special! Advice Please from Magnetic Gay Couples
« Reply #16 on: May 22, 2013, 02:08:28 PM »
I've noticed when discussing foregoing condoms in magnetic relationships, people typically look at the positive partner bottoming (seropositioning if I'm up on my HIV lexicon ;) ).  I definitely understand this is the lower risk situation, but is there more information about more sexually versatile situations or when the top is the poz partner?  I imagine it's a more risky situation and, personally, should I find myself in that situation, would stick to the condoms.  Thanks in advance for whatever information you have for me.

I guess I should amend my previous statement. I am the bottom 97% of the time. I will top sometimes, but it is rare. My partners and my agreement is bareback is ok, but no cumming inside. I know this is not for everyone so please no judgements. From what I remember it lowers transmission by like 95%. I will reresearch this and post links later today. There is still a risk but much smaller. Again I believe that communication and education is key. Be empowered and do your research. :)
Aaron
Memorial Day 2010 Seroconverted
Labor Day 2010 tested positive
Oct 2010 cd4 359 vl 6,500
Dec 2010 cd4 vl 306
Jan 2011 started Atripla
Feb 2011 cd4 250 vl ud
April 2011 cd4 399 vl ud
June 2011 cd4 293 vl ud
October 2011 cd4 354 vl ud
March 2012 cd4 561 vl ud

Offline positivelynerd

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  • Life isn't a struggle, it's a wiggle.
Re: Found someone special! Advice Please from Magnetic Gay Couples
« Reply #17 on: May 22, 2013, 11:21:47 PM »
No judgements here, just trying to navigate everything as I'm finding myself in this magnetic situation. 

This article was very helpful:

http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/775621

Abstract

Objective: To review the evidence for antiretroviral 'treatment as prevention' for HIV transmission among MSM.

Methods: We reviewed studies that assess the biological plausibility that virally suppressive antiretroviral therapy (ART) reduces HIV infectiousness via anal intercourse and the epidemiologic evidence of whether ART has played a role in attenuating HIV incidence among MSM.

Results: Although ART treatment among MSM is likely to provide some preventive benefit, it is unknown whether it will reduce HIV infectiousness via anal intercourse to the same extent as via penile–vaginal intercourse. Additional research is needed on the pharmacokinetic properties of specific antiretroviral agents in the gastrointestinal tract. Estimates of risk behaviors and the incidence of HIV among MSM before and after the introduction and expansion of ART suggest that the population-level protective benefits of ART may be attenuated by a number of factors, most notably, continuing or increasing frequency of condomless anal intercourse and incidence of other sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Additional studies are needed on the impact of ART on HIV sexual risk behaviors and transmission among MSM outside of developed countries in North America, western Europe, and Australia.

Conclusion: The benefits of treatment as prevention for MSM are highly plausible, but not certain. In the face of these unknowns, treatment guidelines for earlier ART initiation should be considered within a combination prevention strategy that includes earlier diagnosis, expanded STI treatment, and structural and behavioral interventions.

-nerd
5/25/12 Seroconversion
9/25/12 Diagnosed
10/12/12: VL- 799k, CD4 285
10/25/12 VL- 599k, CD4 274 
Started Sustiva + Epzicom
11/8/12: VL- 1790, CD4 412, 24%,
11/20/12: VL- 1470, CD4 350, 28%
12/19/12: VL- 584, CD4 293, 24%
1/16/13: VL- 411, CD4 404, 27%
2/13/13: VL- 314, CD4 523, 20%
3/13/13: VL- 171, CD4 404, 26%
4/10/13: VL- 96, CD4 397, 27%
5/8/13: VL- UD, CD4 422, 26%
6/5/13: VL- UD, CD4 462, 31%
7/24/13: VL- UD, CD4 559, 33%

"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed." -A. Einstein

Offline friskyguy

  • Member
  • Posts: 109
Re: Found someone special! Advice Please from Magnetic Gay Couples
« Reply #18 on: May 23, 2013, 12:05:16 AM »
I've noticed when discussing foregoing condoms in magnetic relationships, people typically look at the positive partner bottoming (seropositioning if I'm up on my HIV lexicon ;) ).  I definitely understand this is the lower risk situation, but is there more information about more sexually versatile situations or when the top is the poz partner?  I imagine it's a more risky situation and, personally, should I find myself in that situation, would stick to the condoms.  Thanks in advance for whatever information you have for me.

I go for more gentle adventurous fun when stuck in this top position!  ;D
Sero converted Sept '10 / Confirmed + Dec '10
Jan '11, VL 9,500 / CD4 482 (32%)
Feb '11, VL 5,800 / CD4 680 (37%)
start Atripla
Mch '11, VL UD / CD4 700 (42%)
Jun  '11, VL UD / CD4 750 (43%)
swap to Kivexa and Efav. due to osteopenia diag. (DEXA) / kidney issues ( decline in eGFR to 77 )
start supplements - Vit D3 / Omega 3 / multivitamin / mini aspirin
Dec '11,  VL UD <20 /  CD4 670 (49%)  / CD4:CD8 = 1.4
all labs now within normal ranges
Mch '12,  VL UD / CD4 600 (51%)
Sep '12,  VL UD / CD4 810 (51%)
Mch '13   VL UD / CD4 965 (56%)
Sep '13   VL UD / CD4 (not taken)
Dec '13   VL UD / CD4 901 (35%) / CD4:CD8 = 1.1  /  eGFR > 100

Offline moving_forward

  • Member
  • Posts: 10
Re: Found someone special! Advice Please from Magnetic Gay Couples
« Reply #19 on: May 28, 2013, 07:57:25 PM »
Ok.  Now been 65 days on Stribild.  Just got my test results back.  Curious what others will think of this. Everything is trending nicely.  CD4 is now 534, CD4% is 35, CD4:CD8 Ratio is now .8.  Unfortunately, I was really hoping for UD.  Still not there yet.  VL is at 298.  Obviously, we are not going to do bareback anal sex, however, still curious about me performing oral sex on him, and he on me.  Additionally, curious if we do have anal sex with condoms, I am sure it is just as safe as before.  Wishing I can get to UD!!   :-\
7January2013 Seroconverted
22January2013 tested positive
7March13 CD4 481 VL 300,176 CD4 28%
23March13 Started Stribild
28March13 CD4 434 VL 4,479 CD4 31%

Offline EUINAU

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  • Posts: 42
  • New to This
Re: Found someone special! Advice Please from Magnetic Gay Couples
« Reply #20 on: June 25, 2013, 05:02:25 PM »
Great to read all the advise, I too am bottom in the relationship and my partner decided to stay with me. Looks like he knew about HIV more than I did. Since finding out, I've been stressed out about possible transmission. We've been together for over 5 years now and have not been using condoms. We only had sex once since conversion as I fell ill week after conversion and did not think about trying it once diagnosed. My partner tested negative though he'll need to have another test tobe sure. I too hope to get UD very soon, though With my VL so high I doubt that I will be UD at my next appointment - being after 9 weeks since starting meds.

Good luck with the relationship and I too would suggest to get all the Tests done before you start having anal sex.

Offline le_liseur

  • Member
  • Posts: 133
Re: Found someone special! Advice Please from Magnetic Gay Couples
« Reply #21 on: July 07, 2013, 02:32:23 PM »
I've been with my boyfriend for more than a year and a half. I met him through a dating website, we got along right away while going on our first date, and I told him that evening I am HIV+. And he took it very well and was ready to get more informed from what he already knew (the usual stuff).

We use condoms for anal sex all the time (and lube, very important!) ;) He's mostly top, but I do it too from time to time. The condom broke once while he was topping ; he realized it right away (you can't really miss that unless you're high on something...) and we simply put on another one, without loosing our boners... :P

Beside that, we have that usual couple life together, do activities, work, study, and so on. Everything is great. Don't let HIV freak you out to the point you wouldn't allow yourself to find your lover. It will happen. :)

 


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