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Author Topic: My First Disclosure..  (Read 596 times)

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Offline midnightchatter

  • Member
  • Posts: 29
My First Disclosure..
« on: May 13, 2013, 10:25:45 AM »
Ok guys i need some advise,

I've started dating a great guy who is hiv negative.

We've been seeing eachother for 2 months and i see him pretty much everyday.
He's very affectionate and caring.

We haven't slept together yet but things are moving fast in that department.
My question is when is the best time to disclose my status. ( i've never had to do this before )

I obviously plan on keeping safe very safe. I just want to keep him informed before we go any further.

Any thoughts anyone??




Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 10,710
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: My First Disclosure..
« Reply #1 on: May 13, 2013, 11:12:43 AM »
2 months in, no sex yet, sounds like you want it to get serious so sounds like now is a great time to tell.  Good luck. 
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline Buckmark

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,475
  • Would you like to tie me up with your ties, Ty?
    • Henry's Home Page
Re: My First Disclosure..
« Reply #2 on: May 13, 2013, 01:24:13 PM »
There is not time like the present, as they say.  While there is no "one size fits all" when it comes to disclosure, if you really like this guy and want to continue to develop the relationship, then it is time to disclose.

Let us know how it goes.

Henry
"Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things:
     One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell.
     The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love."
- Butch Hancock, Musician, The Flatlanders

Offline contagion

  • Member
  • Posts: 69
Re: My First Disclosure..
« Reply #3 on: May 13, 2013, 02:44:58 PM »
Most guys I meet want to get naked on the 2nd date. How did you manage two months?
I have a t-shirt with my t-cells on it.

Offline Fisher

  • Member
  • Posts: 260
Re: My First Disclosure..
« Reply #4 on: May 13, 2013, 08:33:24 PM »
Mr. Midnight:

No sex after two months? Are you really gay?  Never heard of stories of such an extended nonsexual romance since sonnets from the 17th century!  Are you aligned with a particular unusual religious orientation? I've got people that come down my road wearing bonnets, with horses drawing black carriages. Every time they go by, my spine tingles in fear as I think they are coming for me, with a casket in tow! Funny thing, they go to the local variety store and what’s in tow are red plastic containers they fill with gas! 

Sometimes our greatest fears and anxieties cannot be further from the truth of living and life.

Sorry. The above, just my playful kidding. Not a slam at all.

My partner knew of my infection before we became partners. Twelve years now. Back then, I felt like “damaged goods” and that no one would want me or care for me, or fall in love with me. . . and that when they heard about my truth they would flee away from me to the furthest ends of the world.

I think my past fears and past experience is part of the pain most of us have had to feel and experience at one time or another.

But in my experience, and I suspect in the “nature of heart and living” life just simply doesn’t “work” in such a cruel and heartless way. . .

As it sounds like you two are very affectionate with each other, my guess, the issue is more in your mind than the wonderful heart and being and reality of the world you are beginning to share together.

Hrdra, heart can be very rare and elusive. Perhaps as rare and unlikely as finding gold in your back yard. Jump! I suggest, trust and remove the doubt, take a chance and feel yourself as having been giving a gift, a wonderful opportunity for a new beginning that may take your life in directions never ever before imagined! Trust in heart. And don't let a piddly little thing like HIV infection interfere with what brings you joy and hope and wonder and beauty.
 
Sooner or later, the issue will arise. My opinion is . . . the basis for genuine relationship is built on honesty, trust, and respect. The sooner you reveal the truth of yourself, the greater the respect and trust, and evident, honesty. And the sooner you reveal, the issue resolved and put behind you and your new buddy, so you can feel free to move forward in your new life!

Having said all that, I fully understand with all the fibers in my being, your fear, anxiety, qualm and confusion.

It’s kind of like driving 65 miles an hour down a road, then before you know it, right in front of you, f'ck, dodged just in time, you miss a deadly accident with a cart and horse and “bonnet wearing people” driving at 4 miles an hour . .

- fisher
04/08 CD 486 %23 VL <20
11/13 CD 351 %21  VL <20
10/13 CD 390 %16  VL <20
06/13 CD 315 %19  VL  22
02/13 CD 396 %14  VL <20
12/12 CD 392 %13  VL 320
11/12 CD 428 %13  VL 1200
*Started Meds: Atripla
10/12 CD 427 %11  VL 139000 -- 09/12 CD 408 %13 VL 92928
09/11 CD 745 %27 VL CLOT -- 10/10 CD 863 %29 VL 2782
10/09 CD 597 %30 VL 2537 -- 05/08 CD 809 %28 VL 1504
04/07 CD 797 %25 VL 3558 -- 11/06 CD 720 %28 VL 1214
06/05 CD 731 %25 VL 1575 -- 12/04 CD 1176 %30 VL 1329
01/04 CD 959 %26 VL 1011 -- 11/03 CD 1000 %28 VL 1581
12/02 CD 748 %28 -- 10/01 CD 860 %25
08/00 CD 1022 %28 -- 04/99 CD 854 %27
11/98 CD 899 %28 -- 02/97 CD 1400 %37
11/96 CD 1325  VL <500 -- 09/96 – Western Blot
05/83 – 04/98 - Monogamous Partner Being Negative
ARS - Los Angeles Dec '82

 


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