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Parents have always been there for me. Now they are elderly and sick.

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phillypinko:
I thought testing positive would be the hardest thing I would have to deal with in life. Seeing my parents age and become ill has been harder. My parents have been healthy all of their lives until recently. My dad is scheduled for a partial colectomy the end of the month and my mother was just diagnosed with heart failure. I can't picture life without them. They really are my best friends. After my parents are gone i'll be alone and poor. The second half of my life isn't looking very good at this point. I have never felt this hopeless. I don't know what to do or where to turn. I am completely overwhelmed. I'm scared to death of the future. My friends are horrible rich people who are incapale of feeling empathy for others. I feel like I made a lot of bad decisions in my youth that are coming back to haunt me.

BT65:
Hi Philly,

I lost both parents in the last 6 years and it was very difficult, I'm not going to tell a fib.  But I had to pull myself together to be there for them.  I helped take care of both of them in their last days; my mom passed in August of '07, my dad the following March.  I totally get the fear of being totally alone.  But I also found support through a couple good friends. 

When you say you're scared of being "poor," are your parents supporting you?  Are you living with them?  I totally get the fear of not having them around to talk to.  I miss talking to my parents, especially my mom, almost every day.  But, it does get a little better.  Just think of what it is they're needing the most right now, which may just be your presence, and try to be there for them as they've obviously been there for you.  I'm not trying to talk in cliches, but by helping them through their illnesses, you will feel better. 

Nothing can fix the loss of parents you've been close to.  But, you will get through it.  If you need talk support, and you're not doing this already, you may want to check out a therapist to help you through this difficult time.  That will help, to talk face to face with someone and have them offer feedback. 

Betty

Theyer:
Hi Philly,

My Mother died a couple off weeks ago and it is a loss like no other.

There is consolation in I did all I could for her during her illnesses including, and this is not flippant , staying alive myself.

Try not to think off your friends as horrible as something attracted you to them, it is hard for folks to have empathy all the time. Regretting past choices, all off us do to some extent . This is a time off life for all of us with parents if we live long enough , yes its frightening but they are not dead yet you have years ahead to develop your relationship with them and develop your own independence , that will be the best you could possably do for them , show them that you can stand on your own two feet and care for them when needed.

Know take care
m

phillypinko:

--- Quote from: BT65 on May 09, 2013, 05:18:53 AM ---Hi Philly,

I lost both parents in the last 6 years and it was very difficult, I'm not going to tell a fib.  But I had to pull myself together to be there for them.  I helped take care of both of them in their last days; my mom passed in August of '07, my dad the following March.  I totally get the fear of being totally alone.  But I also found support through a couple good friends. 

When you say you're scared of being "poor," are your parents supporting you?  Are you living with them?  I totally get the fear of not having them around to talk to.  I miss talking to my parents, especially my mom, almost every day.  But, it does get a little better.  Just think of what it is they're needing the most right now, which may just be your presence, and try to be there for them as they've obviously been there for you.  I'm not trying to talk in cliches, but by helping them through their illnesses, you will feel better. 

Nothing can fix the loss of parents you've been close to.  But, you will get through it.  If you need talk support, and you're not doing this already, you may want to check out a therapist to help you through this difficult time.  That will help, to talk face to face with someone and have them offer feedback. 

Betty

--- End quote ---
Im 41 now and have been collecting the minimum on disablity since I was 28. I live in public housing with hostile neighbors and community management. I used to work parttime under the table to have some spending money but those kinds of jobs have vanished since the economy collapsed. Im more emotionally dependent on them then financial. When things get bad at my home i've been able to escape to my parents place. Part of why im an emotional wreck is the incredible stress that comes with caretaking mom and dad. They have always been self sufficient and are not dealing very well with illness. Im feeling better today then when I first posted. I was in a bad place. Thank you for the advice.

phillypinko:

--- Quote from: Theyer on May 09, 2013, 07:50:53 AM ---Hi Philly,

My Mother died a couple off weeks ago and it is a loss like no other.

There is consolation in I did all I could for her during her illnesses including, and this is not flippant , staying alive myself.

Try not to think off your friends as horrible as something attracted you to them, it is hard for folks to have empathy all the time. Regretting past choices, all off us do to some extent . This is a time off life for all of us with parents if we live long enough , yes its frightening but they are not dead yet you have years ahead to develop your relationship with them and develop your own independence , that will be the best you could possably do for them , show them that you can stand on your own two feet and care for them when needed.

Know take care
m

--- End quote ---
I've been on disability for bipolar disorder for years. I signed up to become a real estate agent yesterday. Im tired of being broke and am going to give real estate a shot. Wish me luck. I know how hard it must be to say goodbye to your mom. If there were words that could help I would say them but there are none that help with grieving losing your mom. I get the feeling we never get over losing a parent. If anything I imagine the longer they are gone the more we miss being able to pick up the phone and hear their voice.

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