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1st "relationship" since being diagnosed... and it goes left!!!

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missmac2009:
So let me get a lot off of my chest... I was diagnosed close to 5 years ago.  When it first happened I swore off men in general, but then slowly but surely started realizing that just because I'm poz doesn't mean I cant have some kind of a love life, right?!  Well almost a year ago I ran into an old friend and we had some drinks and caught up on things... I decided to disclouse my status at that time mainly because he was always a really good friend in the past so why not... Well it didn't bother him one bit and as we continued our friendship it also grew into a significant other relationship, even had the "talk"... Now, even though he seemed ok with it, I was having a hard time getting myself mentally ready for anything sexual, as it was my first time since becoming poz and I kinda shut down in that department... But he was always very "understanding" and didn't seem like it bothered him too much.
However, a few weeks ago I found out he has been sleeping with someone else for a couple months now behind my back and naturally I broke it off with him as I do not like to be lied to or cheated on, who does right???
I really feel like being poz puts us in a whole different playing field, in my opinion at least, and granted I do not believe it is ever ok to cheat or lie, but for some reason I am struggling harder than I ever have with the "moving on" aspect of it... Now of course he is still continuing to try and get me back, claiming it was the biggest mistake of his life, blah blah blah... But #1, do you all find it harder to get back out dating now being poz than before diagnosed????  and #2, just in general, if someone cheats once is it really bound to happen again???
and lastly #3, have any of you been in a similar situation and how did you handle it or how did it turn out???
I do not mind honesty one bit, in fact I encourage it, so please community, help me out here, thanks :)

Jeff G:
I'm not saying he isn't forgivable because only you know that but please do not ever sell yourself short or settle for someone because you feel damaged or that HIV makes you have to hang on to a guy .

I wish love and happiness to everyone but I used to define myself in part on who I was dating and felt incomplete alone . I am single now and have come to realize I love my life just the way it is and if I ever by chance meet someone to share my life with it will be because something worth having came my way .

HIV may keep me from dating some guys but I probably wouldn't want that kind of person who would let HIV stand in the way in my life anyway .

mecch:
If I were in that situation, I would keep him as a friend, but write him off as a potential lover.  If he's secretive and dishonest before you ever get involved, why would you want to get involved?
I doubt this has anything to do with your HIV+ status, it just sounds like his nature - two faced.  Lots of men are hound dogs.  Wait for a better breed.

leatherman:

--- Quote from: missmac2009 on April 22, 2013, 04:12:50 PM ---as we continued our friendship it also grew into a significant other relationship, even had the "talk"... Now, even though he seemed ok with it, I was having a hard time getting myself mentally ready for anything sexual, as it was my first time since becoming poz and I kinda shut down in that department... But he was always very "understanding" and didn't seem like it bothered him too much.
However, a few weeks ago I found out he has been sleeping with someone else for a couple months now behind my back and naturally I broke it off with him as I do not like to be lied to or cheated on, who does right???

--- End quote ---
So your friendship seemed to just melt into becoming some sort of relationship. That's GREAT. And during this relationship you didn't have sex - for whatever reason. That's cool. Now you've found that he's been "dating" on the side and/or getting laid??

Had y'all formally formed a relationship? Did he know that he was only supposed to be dating you? Did he know that y'all were supposed to be sexually exclusive at this point?

I recently had problems with 2 boyfriends at the same time. It seems while I was enjoying the companionship - and the sex I was getting - from the both of them and although no one ever said anything, both thought that our "relationship" was more than I thought it was and both were expecting "sexual exclusivity" of which I was never informed and never agreed. I just thought I was a single guy dating around  (and getting lucky!) while waiting to see if any of the potential relationships I was starting were going to get off the ground.

what exactly did your BF think the ground rules were?? Did he actually know things has gotten this serious between the two of you?

mecch:

--- Quote from: leatherman on April 22, 2013, 05:28:49 PM ---
what exactly did your BF think the ground rules were?? Did he actually know things has gotten this serious between the two of you?

--- End quote ---

Leatherman has  a point...  You could hash it out and see if there was a misunderstanding...  But the way you explained it, sounds like you were genuinely deceived and disappointed. 

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