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Author Topic: All By Myself  (Read 1634 times)

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Offline ShadowBlue

  • Member
  • Posts: 20
All By Myself
« on: April 12, 2013, 02:18:20 PM »
Loneliness.. I'm yearning for a physical and mental connection with someone grand.

Good guys were hard to come by, if not impossible before HIV, and now my chances have been obsolete, since being POZ. It's driving me crazy. Ya, I've meet some amazing guys during my HIV journey, but either distance or circumstance always happen to get in the way.


I'm only interested in other POZ guys, like myself, so that negative/positive thing ain't in my cards. I don't want the perils of letting other men know my status who can't relate. Not to mention the pending rejection that comes with disclosure.


Is it just me or does shit get way more complicated with HIV in the mix? What's the cure for this? Is there one?

Offline Miss Philicia

  • Member
  • Posts: 24,143
  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Re: All By Myself
« Reply #1 on: April 12, 2013, 03:54:46 PM »
You're doing something wrong. Scoring sex with a fellow pozzer is super easy. It might help if you state where you live. For example, where I live there is a chapter of SIN (Strenght in Numbers). Not a support group per se, more what I would term an "affinity" group -- they have various social activities, etc. And they're all on the lookout for Mr. Right. Basically it's easy to get laid -- finding "someone grand" whatever that means well, IMO half of all HIV+ gay men are bonkers.

Also, you can always do HIV-related volunteer work and meet people that way, plus you're also doing something good in the process. Not everyone doing this is looking for a hook-up, but you're probably more likely to meet boyfriend material. And they're less crazy types.

If you didn't handle dating well before an HIV diagnosis it's not going be any easier afterwards however, but not due to access (unless you live in a very rural area). Maybe you should more clearly explain how you're going about this endeavor.

edit: I see from a previous post that you're 23. Maybe you just haven't acquired a good dating skill set yet, as a general issue.
« Last Edit: April 12, 2013, 03:59:39 PM by Miss Philicia »
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline fer00

  • Member
  • Posts: 20
Re: All By Myself
« Reply #2 on: April 12, 2013, 09:59:22 PM »
I feel you shadow blue, I feel the same way. HIV is another obstacle when it comes to dating, its like we are very limited. It is a scary feeling being alone for the rest of your life.
Diagnosed February 2013
CD4 354, VL 4,000
March started on Truvada, Viramune
June Cd4 450, VL 20
Aug VL undetectable
Oct Cd4 503, VL undetectable

Offline Jody

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,825
Re: All By Myself
« Reply #3 on: April 12, 2013, 10:07:12 PM »
Hey shadowblue and fer00...How about making some good friends you can go to restaurants, movies and parks with.  It can be platonic and you won't feel as if you are alone.  Then if and when sparks fly that will be a very cool experience, whether you are HIV+ or not.

Keep on truckin' :)

Jody
"Wake up to find out that you are the eyes of the world".
 "Try to discover that you are the song that the morning brings."

Grateful Dead

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 11,771
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: All By Myself
« Reply #4 on: April 12, 2013, 11:40:14 PM »
Life's a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death!
Auntie Mame
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fiYf5aIP9Yw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=85pJXaiXOBU

I think you should watch this movie...


“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline LiveWithIt

  • Member
  • Posts: 391
Re: All By Myself
« Reply #5 on: April 13, 2013, 12:22:31 AM »
Just look for a friend regardless of their status.  If you are in a major gay area like Fort Lauderdale most gay men in their 40's or 50's are poz )prolly 30s too) .  Some won't join support groups or say it publicly but they are poz and you will find out eventually. 
Pray God you can cope
I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.

Offline weasel

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,682
Re: All By Myself
« Reply #6 on: April 13, 2013, 09:51:32 PM »


    Dear Ms P. 


" Also, you can always do HIV-related volunteer work and meet people that way, plus you're also doing something good in the process. Not everyone doing this is looking for a hook-up, but you're probably more likely to meet boyfriend material. And they're less crazy types." 

  Not where I F'n live !!!!!

  I have tried to offer to be a Volunteer  .   As I am NOT in the Ryan White Group
 I am unable  to give support to others with HIV !   
 Here in Missouri   the paid workers will NOT let volunteers   " Take their work away " 

 I do not agree with it !  The Caseworkers CLAIM   HIPA laws are why they do not allow anyone to visit with or even  correspond with other  HIV   peeps  >:(

                                                    Weasel

  P.S.  Yup Missouri is ass backwards  :-X
" Live and let Live "

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 11,771
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: All By Myself
« Reply #7 on: April 14, 2013, 12:08:58 AM »
in a major gay area like Fort Lauderdale most gay men in their 40's or 50's are poz )prolly 30s too) .

First of all, the OP is 23, so maybe guys in their 40s and 50s are not the desired dating pool.

Secondly. most gay men are HIV+?? What kind of odd statistic or stereotype is this? Or, I guess I missed this news flash on HIV rates for some cities'?
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline m4jj4m

  • Member
  • Posts: 10
  • Diagnosed October 2003
Re: All By Myself
« Reply #8 on: April 20, 2013, 11:02:52 AM »
Things can get complicated with HIV in the mix but don't let your status be a crutch.  I've had problems with disclosure in many ways.  After finding out about my status, in a city I had just moved to at the time, several people, including a case manager, decided to share my status with people I didn't even know.  My partner, who is negative, found out about my status even before meeting and we have been together 9 and-a-half-years.  I was lucky enough to find someone who sees me, tries to understand what I am going through and most importantly of all, helps take care of me.  When we met, I wasn't looking for a relationship but it just happened.  Now, depending what happens with Prop 8, we are planning to get married.

So hang in there.  I thought I, as an HIV positive gay man, wouldn't find someone to share my life with, but I did. 

Hopefully that helped.

Offline ShadowBlue

  • Member
  • Posts: 20
Re: All By Myself
« Reply #9 on: April 25, 2013, 03:48:37 AM »
Thanks everyone for your input.

Patience is a virtue, and I it's victim.

Offline Anqueetas

  • Member
  • Posts: 116
Re: All By Myself
« Reply #10 on: April 25, 2013, 07:48:48 AM »
From my experience on dating or life in general. Stop looking live your life as much as you want to be. Be yourself!  I believe in destiny faith etc. I don't before though but a series of event let me this point in my life and I thought that there might be a higher power at work.

I just graduated, I don't look for a job but then suddenly the job find me and I apply because i think what the heck, you have nothing to lose. Now i'm on my way doing work VISA and gonna fly to Japan in July for new experience. 

Since i was positive, I start to wonder about faith and religion. One day out of the blue, i met an Qatari gay guy in a coffee shop. We talk and spent time together. Although we rarely keep in touch today, he change my life. I'm now converted to Islam and find what I have been looking for all along in my life.

You see, you find what you looking for when you don't look for it. Just be yourself and live you life as much as you want to be. Do good and be good then good things will come to you in time for those who wait.

PS. HIV also do good things in my life, it get me a job(If i'm not positive, i'm still probably still caught in an unhealthy life style of sex drug and party. HIV give me the wake up call to put myself back together and be confident). I ask my boss why he choose me, he said He like my attitude and personality, I would say that HIV is part of who I am today it made me a better person overall.
ARS, hospitalized for very high fever-July 2011
diagnosed HIV positive - October 16 2011
CD4 460 19.5% VL 49000 - late October 2011
CD4 625 19.5% VL 50030 - January 2012
CD4 369 19% VL 69000 - March 2012
Start Sustiva+ Truvada - April 17 2012
CD4 524 24.5% VL UD - August 22 2012
Switch to Nevirapine+Truvada
CD4 490 26% VL UD - November 2012
CD4 539 29% VL UD - February 2013
CD4 621 28% VL UD - May 2013

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 11,771
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: All By Myself
« Reply #11 on: April 25, 2013, 08:19:19 AM »
Great post.  ;D
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

 


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