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Author Topic: Really need advice  (Read 955 times)

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Offline clair0

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  • Posts: 5
Really need advice
« on: April 05, 2013, 07:17:07 PM »
Hi guys,im just here looking for advice.I met a guy and after chatting a while i disclosed my status to him.he said he was fine with it as long as we use protection. after a while we decided to sleep together and we used protection on the two occasions we met.after that i found out he has a wife and i confronted him ,to which he finally admitted.i then decided to break up with him and he was very upset with me.he said to me he was going to report me to the police that i intentionally gave him HIV and that i did not disclose  my status to him.I am very afraid of this because i did disclose my status before we slept together.the only evidence i have is the email i sent him breaking up with him after i found out about his wife.Will i automatically get charged if i dont have any evidence that i told him about my status?

Online Jeff G

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  • How am I doing Beren ?
Re: Really need advice
« Reply #1 on: April 05, 2013, 07:38:39 PM »
I don't know but I just bet a man that's cheating on his wife is bluffing when he says he is going to go public and to the police . I know its scary and upsetting but I bet he is all talk no action .

Offline buginme2

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  • Posts: 2,843
Re: Really need advice
« Reply #2 on: April 05, 2013, 07:39:19 PM »
Sounds like he is attempting to manipulate you.

I really wouldn't worry about the threat.  It's most likely an idle attempt.  Even if he were serious you have done nothing wrong. 


Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Really need advice
« Reply #3 on: April 06, 2013, 08:13:28 AM »
Clair, you  can't be prosecuted if transmission didn't take place (unless you're in Scotland, then it's a maybe). Even if he's hiv positive, they'd have to prove that you share the same virus.

I agree with the guys - he's likely to be bluffing. Not only would his wife find out about the affair, but so would everyone else when it's dragged through court.

Regardless, it wouldn't hurt to know where you stand regarding the law. We all need to know, wherever we live.

From the Terrence Higgins Trust (THT):

Quote

In England & Wales, you may be found guilty of reckless HIV transmission if all of the below apply:

    You had sex with someone who didnít know you had HIV
    You knew you had HIV at that time
    You understood how HIV is transmitted
    You had sex without a condom
    You transmitted HIV to that person.

The situation is much the same in Scotland. However, there is the added possiblity of a case being brought even if transmission hasnít taken place, but where a person has been put at risk without their prior consent or knowledge.

read more here


THT also puts out a pamphlet about hiv and the law and it's available in a PDF file here.

You might want to think about contacting THT yourself. They can be very helpful at times like these. You can contact them via their Online Services page.

You can also read more about hiv and the law in the UK at aidsmap.com.

Good luck, Claire. Let us know how it goes. I hope you and the family are doing well otherwise.

Hugs,
Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline karry

  • Member
  • Posts: 271
Re: Really need advice
« Reply #4 on: April 06, 2013, 09:20:28 AM »
Hello Clair
Like others have said, I think he is not willing to take the risk and make his wife know of his cheating. He is just using the knowledge he has about your status to manipulate you...dont give in to his blackmail.
Goodluck.
K
P/S This guy seems like a lowlife to me....Just cant understand a man who will try to play on the vulnerability of a woman to whom he lied. He was not honest to you about his marital status, you were honest to him about your sero status..now he turns around and wants to blackmail you for wanting to leave him.
« Last Edit: April 06, 2013, 09:23:26 AM by karry »
Take it a day at a time....and be positive about it too!

Offline clair0

  • Member
  • Posts: 5
Re: Really need advice
« Reply #5 on: April 06, 2013, 11:44:58 AM »
Thank you all sooo much for the advice. Ann,the leaflet was very helpful.i have not heard from his threats today .i think he was all talk.ignoring him would be the best option right now

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Really need advice
« Reply #6 on: April 06, 2013, 12:13:37 PM »
Thank you all sooo much for the advice. Ann,the leaflet was very helpful.i have not heard from his threats today .i think he was all talk.ignoring him would be the best option right now

You're welcome and you're probably right about ignoring him. Block him on your phone and email if you can.

If he continues to make threats, report him to the police for harassing you.

Don't forget to let us know how it goes, OK?

Wishing you the best.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline tednlou2

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  • Posts: 4,840
Re: Really need advice
« Reply #7 on: April 06, 2013, 01:16:51 PM »
This is odd, for someone with so much to lose.  Was he worried you would tell his wife, so he threw out this threat to you?  The other aspect is many who have done something wrong like to flip things, so they don't have to deal with what they did wrong. 

Offline darryaz

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  • Posts: 450
Re: Really need advice
« Reply #8 on: April 06, 2013, 01:39:27 PM »
This reminds me of a friends' divorce a few years ago.

Her ex constantly made threats about how he was going to take her kids away from her, get her fired from her job, have her evicted from her home..... many ugly things like that.  He didn't have the ability to do ANY of those things.  He made those threats just to "get to" her.

Clair, I highly suspect this person is attempting to do the same thing to you.  It only works if you allow it to.

Cutting him out of your life completely was a good move.

Offline emeraldize

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  • Posts: 3,344
Re: Really need advice
« Reply #9 on: April 06, 2013, 02:33:24 PM »
Will i automatically get charged if i dont have any evidence that i told him about my status?

Hey Clair0,

You've gotten oodles of good input/advice. I agree he's bluffing and a complete d***.

Regarding your query above, I wanted to share with you I corresponded for a while with an HIV+ attorney who had a specific form for a woman to sign before he became involved sexually.  How about that for transparency?  He wasn't my type and we never met face-to-face, but his story about best effort to not be sued for alleged non-disclosure left a mark on my memory.

Hope you meet a nice guy who's as honest as you.

Em

 


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