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Author Topic: Sorry - Personal Qualm  (Read 2573 times)

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Offline Fisher

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  • Posts: 281
Sorry - Personal Qualm
« on: April 04, 2013, 09:36:05 PM »
Need a little info.

I am planning to, looking forward to Chicago.  My first encounter. I have concerns about “fitting in,” however.

Here in backwoods Maine, there are no HIV support groups.  And I don’t even know another individual infected with HIV. And while it is likely I’ve been infected from the very early days, half the time I did not know, only to be figured out after 12 years in monogamy and partner being negative.  And the other half of the 28 years, in studies at MGH and NIH.

Just last fall the virus mutated inside me to escape control necessitating therapy. Baby Jesus, and gift to the world egomania, severely and permanently thwarted. . .

I’m really excited, really excited, anticipating to meet others. But I am a bit anxious about fitting in.  I have no personal experience of the struggles and losses that many have had to survive in heart, perhaps not too much in common with others.

But since I found out, I’ve always been doing everything in my power to end this nightmare for all of us. Politically in silence, but always in research.   

Is this a meeting of 20 or 30 individuals, or hundreds?

Is there room for someone like me in Chicago?

I have a kind heart. Even doing things like for the last 30 years making sure every needy family in my county got Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners and toys for the kids . . . even though many I have helped would have strung me up because of my sexual orientation. . .

Although I have “always been here” with this infection, because of a recent change in my status, it is only now, that I am reaching out to others of my kin.  In the past, I’ve done my work and efforts in a different way, research.  No gay community here, just cows.

Now, I need community, communion, and support. And I am so needy to meet others, but I am so fearful to be shunned and ignored and left out, because I do not share the history and intensity and trauma of this disease. . .

Will I be welcome?
- fisher
07/14 CD 391 %20 VL UD
04/14 CD 486 %23 VL <20
11/13 CD 351 %21  VL <20
10/13 CD 390 %16  VL <20
06/13 CD 315 %19  VL  22
02/13 CD 396 %14  VL <20
12/12 CD 392 %13  VL 320
11/12 CD 428 %13  VL 1200
*Started Meds: Atripla
10/12 CD 427 %11  VL 139000 -- 09/12 CD 408 %13 VL 92928
09/11 CD 745 %27 VL CLOT -- 10/10 CD 863 %29 VL 2782
10/09 CD 597 %30 VL 2537 -- 05/08 CD 809 %28 VL 1504
04/07 CD 797 %25 VL 3558 -- 11/06 CD 720 %28 VL 1214
06/05 CD 731 %25 VL 1575 -- 12/04 CD 1176 %30 VL 1329
01/04 CD 959 %26 VL 1011 -- 11/03 CD 1000 %28 VL 1581
12/02 CD 748 %28 -- 10/01 CD 860 %25
08/00 CD 1022 %28 -- 04/99 CD 854 %27
11/98 CD 899 %28 -- 02/97 CD 1400 %37
11/96 CD 1325  VL <500 -- 09/96 – Western Blot
05/83 – 04/98 - Monogamous Partner Being Negative
ARS - Los Angeles Dec '82

Offline Jeff G

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  • How am I doing Beren ?
Re: Sorry - Personal Qualm
« Reply #1 on: April 04, 2013, 09:48:40 PM »
You will fit in just fine and you will make some friends along the way . Willy will be there I think and he eats like a cow so that will make you feel at home .

Kidding aside , you will have a great time there and I think you will find that being different is something most of us have in common ... its called uniqueness and boy does this group fit that description .

Offline bocker3

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  • Posts: 3,386
  • You gotta enjoy life......
Re: Sorry - Personal Qualm
« Reply #2 on: April 04, 2013, 10:02:23 PM »
I was a bit worried about fitting in for my first AMG too -- it was Boston 4 yrs ago, I think.  Anyway -- the wonderful thing is that there are far more things that "different" about us all than similar.  We all have the virus, of course -- oh hell, some of us have a number of viruses, but I digress.  My point is -- we are really all just a group of very different people who have been pulled together for a singular reason. 
AMG is really a fun time -- you get to put faces to names.  It's amazing that some "matched" for me and some were not even close.  However, I've had a fantastic time at all 3 I've attended.  It is something to look forward to, not to worry about.  We don't bite, well not without consent anyway.

Looking forward to meeting you.

Mike
Atripla - Started 12/05
Reyataz/Norvir - Added 6/06
Labs - Pre-Meds
Sep05 T=350/25% VL98,559
Nov05 288/18%  47,564
Current Labs
May2013 691/31% <20

Online Miss Philicia

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  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Re: Sorry - Personal Qualm
« Reply #3 on: April 04, 2013, 10:10:01 PM »
You'll enjoy yourself Fisher, people at AMG are very welcoming and make the extra effort to fit the less shy participants into the many activities. I think you would regret not going.
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline anniebc

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  • Posts: 5,939
  • AM member since 2003
Re: Sorry - Personal Qualm
« Reply #4 on: April 05, 2013, 01:59:21 AM »
I was a bit worried about fitting in for my first AMG too -- it was Boston 4 yrs ago, I think. 


Mike

That's because I took you under my wing and took you to a Baseball game... ;)

Fisher you have no need to be worried, the guys will look after you , they really are a great bunch, I have been travelling from New Zealand to the AMG's for the past 6 years, this is the first year I won't be attending...relax and have fun, like Miss P said if you don't go you will end up regretting it.

Aroha
Jan
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline wolfter

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Re: Sorry - Personal Qualm
« Reply #5 on: April 05, 2013, 07:00:09 PM »
I went so far out of my comfort zone when I attended my first AMG.  I too worried about all the things you mention.  Christ, I had never been on a plane and bugged the hell out of everyone before even departing.

I worried for the longest time, wondering if I'd be welcome, fit in, and so forth.  Within just a few moments of walking in the hotel, I was met with the warmest welcome.  I've forged some great friendships because of attending these events.

Wolfie
Complacency is the enemy.  ;)  Challenge yourself daily for maximum  return on investment.

Offline Fisher

  • Member
  • Posts: 281
Re: Sorry - Personal Qualm
« Reply #6 on: April 06, 2013, 09:02:09 AM »
Air and Hotel booked. Provided my face-lift holds and I'm not too much of a rascal . . . I'm on my way!
« Last Edit: April 06, 2013, 09:04:42 AM by Fisher »
- fisher
07/14 CD 391 %20 VL UD
04/14 CD 486 %23 VL <20
11/13 CD 351 %21  VL <20
10/13 CD 390 %16  VL <20
06/13 CD 315 %19  VL  22
02/13 CD 396 %14  VL <20
12/12 CD 392 %13  VL 320
11/12 CD 428 %13  VL 1200
*Started Meds: Atripla
10/12 CD 427 %11  VL 139000 -- 09/12 CD 408 %13 VL 92928
09/11 CD 745 %27 VL CLOT -- 10/10 CD 863 %29 VL 2782
10/09 CD 597 %30 VL 2537 -- 05/08 CD 809 %28 VL 1504
04/07 CD 797 %25 VL 3558 -- 11/06 CD 720 %28 VL 1214
06/05 CD 731 %25 VL 1575 -- 12/04 CD 1176 %30 VL 1329
01/04 CD 959 %26 VL 1011 -- 11/03 CD 1000 %28 VL 1581
12/02 CD 748 %28 -- 10/01 CD 860 %25
08/00 CD 1022 %28 -- 04/99 CD 854 %27
11/98 CD 899 %28 -- 02/97 CD 1400 %37
11/96 CD 1325  VL <500 -- 09/96 – Western Blot
05/83 – 04/98 - Monogamous Partner Being Negative
ARS - Los Angeles Dec '82

Offline mitch777

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Re: Sorry - Personal Qualm
« Reply #7 on: April 06, 2013, 09:17:44 AM »
Fisher,
 :)
31 years hiv+ (oct. 2013) with a curtsy.

Offline aztecan

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,398
  • 29 years positive, 57 years a pain in the butt
Re: Sorry - Personal Qualm
« Reply #8 on: April 06, 2013, 12:50:53 PM »
Hey Fisher,

As others already said, you will enjoy yourself and meet some great people. I have attended most of the AMGs since Montreal in '06, and have loved every one of them.

I look forward to meeting you!

HUGS,

Mark

Who just remembered he hasn't made his hotel reservations yet.  :o
"May your life preach more loudly than your lips."
~ William Ellery Channing (Unitarian Minister)

Offline Fisher

  • Member
  • Posts: 281
Re: Sorry - Personal Qualm
« Reply #9 on: April 07, 2013, 06:45:26 PM »
Looking forward to meeting you, Mark. And everyone else. I suspect the gathering will be transforming. Bringing me back home in some ways.

Miss P, did you mean shy or less shy?  I'm just a little Maine backwoods bear cub, at times stung by bees when looking for honey in all the wrong places.  I'm surprised you're not yet 49. I've got about 8 years on you.  I always suspected you were around since the African continent rose the Alps in the Eurasian continent.  Amazed you're less than half a century old!

Looking forward to meeting you, too, as your heart (and other things) cleary display and shine in these forums.  As for cigarettes. Bad! Very Bad!  My Nemesis all along while travelling in this wonderful mysterious experience, of being.

« Last Edit: April 07, 2013, 06:47:54 PM by Fisher »
- fisher
07/14 CD 391 %20 VL UD
04/14 CD 486 %23 VL <20
11/13 CD 351 %21  VL <20
10/13 CD 390 %16  VL <20
06/13 CD 315 %19  VL  22
02/13 CD 396 %14  VL <20
12/12 CD 392 %13  VL 320
11/12 CD 428 %13  VL 1200
*Started Meds: Atripla
10/12 CD 427 %11  VL 139000 -- 09/12 CD 408 %13 VL 92928
09/11 CD 745 %27 VL CLOT -- 10/10 CD 863 %29 VL 2782
10/09 CD 597 %30 VL 2537 -- 05/08 CD 809 %28 VL 1504
04/07 CD 797 %25 VL 3558 -- 11/06 CD 720 %28 VL 1214
06/05 CD 731 %25 VL 1575 -- 12/04 CD 1176 %30 VL 1329
01/04 CD 959 %26 VL 1011 -- 11/03 CD 1000 %28 VL 1581
12/02 CD 748 %28 -- 10/01 CD 860 %25
08/00 CD 1022 %28 -- 04/99 CD 854 %27
11/98 CD 899 %28 -- 02/97 CD 1400 %37
11/96 CD 1325  VL <500 -- 09/96 – Western Blot
05/83 – 04/98 - Monogamous Partner Being Negative
ARS - Los Angeles Dec '82

Offline weasel

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,681
Re: Sorry - Personal Qualm
« Reply #10 on: April 07, 2013, 07:35:53 PM »
 

     Fisher ,   
                 I am looking forward to meeting you !

       I've been to two gatherings both were wonderful !

     No need to feel  unlike the rest  of us   :)

       It's fun time , You will make friends for a lifetime  .

                                                  Be well   , Weasel
" Live and let Live "

Online Miss Philicia

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Re: Sorry - Personal Qualm
« Reply #11 on: April 07, 2013, 07:56:54 PM »

Looking forward to meeting you, too, as your heart (and other things) cleary display and shine in these forums. 

I won't be at AMG this year.
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline Buckmark

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  • Would you like to tie me up with your ties, Ty?
    • Henry's Home Page
Re: Sorry - Personal Qualm
« Reply #12 on: April 07, 2013, 08:41:38 PM »
Fisher,

It's natural to worry about "fitting in".  I think you'll find the the people who attend AMG are a fun, diverse, and accepting group.  And I believe the best way to "fit in" is to not *try* to fit in -- just be yourself.

Miss P, did you mean shy or less shy?  I'm just a little Maine backwoods bear cub, at times stung by bees when looking for honey in all the wrong places.  I'm surprised you're not yet 49. I've got about 8 years on you.  I always suspected you were around since the African continent rose the Alps in the Eurasian continent.  Amazed you're less than half a century old!

The Alps   :P -- funny, I always suspected that is how old Miss P is, too.  ;)

Cheers,

Henry
"Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things:
     One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell.
     The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love."
- Butch Hancock, Musician, The Flatlanders

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Sorry - Personal Qualm
« Reply #13 on: April 08, 2013, 08:51:30 AM »

Miss P.... I'm surprised you're not yet 49. I've got about 8 years on you.  I always suspected you were around since the African continent rose the Alps in the Eurasian continent.  Amazed you're less than half a century old!


Miss PeePee is actually a vampire who was turned when 48. voov
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Fisher

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  • Posts: 281
Re: Sorry - Personal Qualm
« Reply #14 on: April 09, 2013, 04:52:27 PM »
Humm. Interesting and useful information, Ann! I have noticed Miss P has a tenacity to draw blood, now and then. I'd better behave myself, lay low, and keep my furry ears away from her sharpened teeth. I'm sad not to be able to meet Miss P. at AMG. Would have been delighted, I'm sure. But that's probably healthier for me. Not really into blood sucking and vampire kink as a general rule. . . especially after see the Twilight Saga flicks.  Now, werewolves!  That's another story!
« Last Edit: April 09, 2013, 05:19:44 PM by Fisher »
- fisher
07/14 CD 391 %20 VL UD
04/14 CD 486 %23 VL <20
11/13 CD 351 %21  VL <20
10/13 CD 390 %16  VL <20
06/13 CD 315 %19  VL  22
02/13 CD 396 %14  VL <20
12/12 CD 392 %13  VL 320
11/12 CD 428 %13  VL 1200
*Started Meds: Atripla
10/12 CD 427 %11  VL 139000 -- 09/12 CD 408 %13 VL 92928
09/11 CD 745 %27 VL CLOT -- 10/10 CD 863 %29 VL 2782
10/09 CD 597 %30 VL 2537 -- 05/08 CD 809 %28 VL 1504
04/07 CD 797 %25 VL 3558 -- 11/06 CD 720 %28 VL 1214
06/05 CD 731 %25 VL 1575 -- 12/04 CD 1176 %30 VL 1329
01/04 CD 959 %26 VL 1011 -- 11/03 CD 1000 %28 VL 1581
12/02 CD 748 %28 -- 10/01 CD 860 %25
08/00 CD 1022 %28 -- 04/99 CD 854 %27
11/98 CD 899 %28 -- 02/97 CD 1400 %37
11/96 CD 1325  VL <500 -- 09/96 – Western Blot
05/83 – 04/98 - Monogamous Partner Being Negative
ARS - Los Angeles Dec '82

Offline Ann

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    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Sorry - Personal Qualm
« Reply #15 on: April 10, 2013, 07:44:06 AM »

 Not really into blood sucking and vampire kink as a general rule. . . especially after see the Twilight Saga flicks.  Now, werewolves!  That's another story!


Don't you watch True Blood? Heavens! :o


If meeting up with Miss P, take silver chains. Easy.
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

 


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