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Old and positive

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thomas1947:
i am 65 years old and just found out that I am positive. Last tested about 3 years ago. Had a virus or flu with a temperature for about 10 days, doctor gave me antibiotic and it disappeared, but then he called me with the news- Western Blot test used.
I of course am angry with myself, anticipatory about my appointment at HIV center, and afraid. Have no idea what viral load etc is but am wondering if this little virus I had was HIV related.
I have already informed one partner of the news.
I watched all my friends die in 1984 and here is happening again. I am freaked.

mecch:
I am sorry you had to get this diagnosis.
But, on the other hand, you did stay negative 30 years through the epidemic, so don't be so hard on yourself, and don't stay angry for too long.  (Though its a pretty standard reaction!)

So you just had this virus/flu, recently?  Well, that might have been seroconversion.  Was there a risk a bit before that?

"I watched all my friends die in 1984 and here is happening again. I am freaked."

Its a particular experience to be negative so long, and remember the 80's and all the sadness and loss.  I felt the same, when I seroconverted a couple of years ago. Though I knew all the information about living with HIV, now, in the 2000's, my gut and bones and synapsis "felt" the same freakout and panic, like it was still 1985. 

But its not.  It is not "happening again" to you. You are not going to dye of HIV and if you are finding out you have it, so soon after infection, you are going to be just fine..  You have a good chance to never even be sick for anything related to HIV. Its not the same ball game.  Try to keep that in mind - think about today. Remember all the facts about living with HIV now, in 2013.  Don't let yourself have rolling thoughts about things that are no longer pertinent.

mitch777:

--- Quote from: thomas1947 on March 27, 2013, 03:48:13 PM ---i am 65 years old and just found out that I am positive. Last tested about 3 years ago. Had a virus or flu with a temperature for about 10 days, doctor gave me antibiotic and it disappeared, but then he called me with the news- Western Blot test used.
I of course am angry with myself, anticipatory about my appointment at HIV center, and afraid. Have no idea what viral load etc is but am wondering if this little virus I had was HIV related.
I have already informed one partner of the news.
I watched all my friends die in 1984 and here is happening again. I am freaked.

--- End quote ---
Hi Thomas!

welcome to the forums!
sorry to hear of your new diagnosis.

try not to freak out.
treatment today is a far cry from what was available in the 80's!
there are great lessons on this site to help you understand the virus at the top of the forums page.
it is easy to feel a bit overwhelmed early on but time and knowledge will help.

there are many wise people on this site to answer any questions along the way.

glad you found us! :)

m.

Jeff G:
Hi Thomas and welcome to the forum . Not much I can add to what the others have offered you but I can promise that the shock will pass and it does get better in time .

WillyWump:
Hi Thomas! Welcome.

It's natural to be a bit afraid, I know I was. But really it all gets better after the shock of diagnosis wears off. I'm living an absolutely normal life thanks to the amazing meds available now. You will to  ;)

-Will

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