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Author Topic: My boyfriend gave me HIV and I just found out how  (Read 11709 times)

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Offline betterdaysahead22

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My boyfriend gave me HIV and I just found out how
« on: March 24, 2013, 04:46:26 AM »
I could really appreciate a fresh perspective on this. My boyfriend and I tested positive 4 months ago, but for the whole time he's been adament that he doesn't know how we got it. I was faithful and have never used hard drugs, so I was dubious as to how I could be at fault, but I put it out of my mind and focused on coming to terms with being HIV positive.

Things got very bad, but as of two days ago they had evened out, and we were as in love and happy as we were before diagnosis. Then we started talking about this night that he injected speed while I was gone. I'd know about this, but the way he described it there was a clean needle involved both times that night, and this was the only time he'd seen the guy. As we talked and he started doubting himself, it came out that he'd taken speed twice before with this guy, who he met literally on the street outside his apartment building. This "scary looking guy" gave him the speed for free every time, but the last time it turned out he disappeared from the room and returned with the needle that he gave my boyfriend, so he didn't actually see him open a clean packet.

As the truth kind of dawned on us I realised the implications of everything, and realised that the drugs he took occasionally that i hated had, as i feared, messed up our lives.

I'm so, so conflicted. I love this man as I have never loved anyone, and he is good to me and kind and loyal apart from this one incredibly stupid mistake. He's sorry and he's trying to make it up to me, but I just can't get past this act of complete thoughtlessness and carelessness. Excuse the cliche but i literally cannot believe that he's done this to me.

I'd really, really appreciate hearing some stories like mine, and to know whether its possible to stay together after something like this. My heart is breaking and I don't know where to turn.

Offline mecch

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Re: My boyfriend gave me HIV and I just found out how
« Reply #1 on: March 24, 2013, 06:31:49 AM »
I am sorry you both find yourself in this situation. Really, only you two can decide if you are going to stay together.  in a relationship, there come times where one person does a risky stupid thing, goes badly and that person pays the price, and the price effects the relation. Other times, one person does a risky think and two people pay the price together. Other times, if there are kids, one person can put the entire family into risk and then damage it, over a mistake or stupid decision..

Sounds like he has a drug problem because he hurt himself and you to get the drugs he wants.  So you need to decide if you want to be afraid of the next problem that is going to arrive, because of the drugs.

If you don't want to live in fear - that means he quits drugs, or you break up. Are there other ways he takes too much risk, or shows poor judgement about risk, in your opinion?  Maybe hes not aware of his poor decisions, and needs a slap in the face wake up call and things will be better.  Or, maybe he's just like that, impulsive and reckless.

As for the HIV - well whats done is done. Lots of couples get over a HIV diagnosis, but some don't.  It's really up to you.

“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline emeraldize

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Re: My boyfriend gave me HIV and I just found out how
« Reply #2 on: March 24, 2013, 08:21:15 AM »
"it came out that he'd taken speed twice before with this guy, who he met literally on the street outside his apartment building. This "scary looking guy" gave him the speed for free every time, but the last time it turned out he disappeared from the room and returned with the needle that he gave my boyfriend, so he didn't actually see him open a clean packet."

It is this part of your boyfriend's story that, if he were my boyfriend, I couldn't get past. It doesn't hang together. Here's how I would process this. Who takes speed from a scary-looking guy on the street outside the place where one lives once, let alone more than once? That's an addict's way of explaining something. Reads like a story, a lie.  So, I go from there to what else hasn't he told me?  I don't intend that this come across as mean-spirited, but you asked for a fresh perspective.

You love this guy and that will blur your ability to interpret clearly. I suspect there are multiple issues here and therefore, multiple ways in which he may have contracted it including from a human.

No one wants to read a new person's story here --  no one. You're grappling with a lot -- the diagnosis, the howwhodunnit's and forecasting your future.

Protect yourself, in every way you can think of. Economically, if you're funding him. Physically, if you're having sex and he might be doing other people cuz if you can avoid an STI that cuts down on a little more misery. Legally, if he's doing speed with strangers, what else does he do? What does he bring home in his pocket? Are you running the risk of the cops showing up at his and/or your door?

Protecting yourself emotionally will give you time to think critically. You started that step here. Hope things go well as you move forward.

Em


Offline Ann

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Re: My boyfriend gave me HIV and I just found out how
« Reply #3 on: March 24, 2013, 08:55:12 AM »
Hi Betterdays, welcome to the forums.

I also acquired hiv from the man who was, is and always will be the "love of my life".

The circumstances of how it came about between the two of us is different to your circumstances, but we do have one thing in common - neither of our men knew they had hiv when they transmitted it to us.

Both of our men knew they were doing things that could lead to hiv infection, but unfortunately in the straight community (in particular), there is this idea that "it would never happen to me!"

And so here we are.

I loved my man before hiv and I love him now. I can't imagine ever loving another man with the same depth. The only love in my life that even comes close is the love I have for my daughter (from a previous relationship). It's that deep, that unfathomable, that unconditional.

If you both have the same depth of love for each other, then you can work through this. If you fear on-going drug use is going to be an issue, try to get him into drug-rehab treatment.

And speaking of drug use, have you both also been tested for hepatitis C? Hep C is more often transmitted during needle-sharing than hiv, so it's a real concern for the both of you.

Actually, it's more of a concern for him, as hep C is rarely transmitted during vaginal intercourse.

If his drug use is on-going and he is currently testing hep C negative, he needs to be aware that he could become infected with hep C if he is not vigilant about not sharing needles. He does NOT want hiv/hcv coinfection.

Today's hiv treatment is a walk in the park, a day at the seaside, all-your-birthdays-at-once kind of thing compared to hep C treatment. (One major difference - although hep C treatment is a bitch, it's a bitch that cures many but not all people.)

Em has just posted while I've been typing, and while I know Em is a very wise, compassionate and intelligent woman, I have a feeling she's judging your partner a little harshly.

It sounds to me like your man's drug use is more of an occasional thing - an occasional lapse of reason and good judgement. We all make mistakes. Sometimes those mistakes are incredibly stupid, inexplicable mistakes that carry consequences we never gave a thought to in the heat of the moment. We've all done it; it's called being human.

Only you can decide where you take your relationship from here, but I can tell you that true, unconditional love can overcome an awful lot. If your man has that same love for you that you have for him, he will move heaven and earth to learn from his mistake and become a better person for it. For your sake if nothing else, because true, unconditional love is like that.

I'd be inclined to give him a chance, but as Em wisely says, make sure you protect yourself as well.

Good luck and please do keep us posted. We care - we're a bit like a family here. (And just like any family, we have our spats and the strange aunts and uncles and other weird family dynamics, but at the end of the day we DO all care about each other and will help out in any way we can.)

Hugs,
Ann
xxx
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline emeraldize

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Re: My boyfriend gave me HIV and I just found out how
« Reply #4 on: March 24, 2013, 01:01:51 PM »
Hey ho

I tried to clarify that it was not my intent to read as mean-spirited and not to read as judging harshly without additionally stating that as well.

This is the ticklish part of emails, forums, language. You gave us your view. A limited amount of info.  I dunno if you are male or female but Ann is referring to you as female so perhaps she's got the skinny down.

Anyhoo I did not tell you anything different than I would tell a relative or friend. Something doesn't add up as I read your post.

Wishing you all the best in navigating.

Em

Offline Ann

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Re: My boyfriend gave me HIV and I just found out how
« Reply #5 on: March 24, 2013, 03:39:15 PM »

I tried to clarify that it was not my intent to read as mean-spirited and not to read as judging harshly without additionally stating that as well.


Sorry, Em, my fault. Your post came up when I hit preview to proof-read and I guess I read it faster than I should have.

I think we also have two different men in our mind's eye - I'm seeing an occasional user and you're seeing an addict. ("That's an addict's way of explaining something.") We were posting from our gut response to what had been written.

Maybe the truth is somewhere in-between?

Betterdays, what are your gut feelings about him?

Also wishing you all the best,

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Casinokiwi

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Re: My boyfriend gave me HIV and I just found out how
« Reply #6 on: March 25, 2013, 12:09:05 AM »
Betterdays,
I agree with the others, you are the only one that can make the decision.  You are in a very emotional and conflicted state and sometimes stepping out of the situation can give you perspective.  That may mean visiting family for a week or a couple month separation that allows you to compose yourself and your thoughts. 

I was diagnosed last October and I had to disclose a sexual addiction to my wife in the same day I found out about HIV.  I am forever grateful that my wife did not get infected but I made some poor choices and crushed the spirit of the woman I love more than the world. 

Long story short, my divorce should be final next week.  I would have done anything to make the marriage work but my wife couldn't get over the betrayal she felt. 

The reason for disclosing this to you is because I believe HIV can be a wake up call for folks struggling with poor decisions (such as myself or your boyfriend).  Saying that, it is all contingent on you being able to forgive him and his willingness to change his lifestyle.   In my case the lifestyle changes I was willing to give couldn't compensate enough for my wife to forgive me. 

You are very articulate and bright (especially for seeking out this site).  You will be successful with life and this diagnosis whatever decision you happen upon.  Good luck!

Offline betterdaysahead22

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Re: My boyfriend gave me HIV and I just found out how
« Reply #7 on: March 25, 2013, 03:19:38 AM »
Thank you everyone, I am incredibly touched by all the support you have given. What I should have mentioned was that my boyfriend has not used any drugs since the incident without my permission, and even then he has only used acid once. He's given up speed for life, and has always been honest to me throughout the entire relationship - even when the answer could mean that i broke up with him, such as above (he brought it up and said it had been bothering him and he thought he might have figured it out).

He's trying, I know he is, but in some ways he's so immature and he'll just be despondent, other times he'll just cry and try to justify it. He said he was going to try to make it up to me but so far it's been like trying to talk to a brick wall.

emeraldize I wasn't offended at all, I thought deeply about what you said. I don't think I provided enough information though, he's not a bad person or a drug addict he just made a stupid mistake. This was the only time he ever injected drugs. I am still having trust issues though - I no longer trust his ability to judge people's character or to not accidentally put me in danger.

Ann, I have to admit I clung to your response instantly. I empathise with all you've gone through, and I hope someday we can be as happy as the two of you are. I know there's no 10 step program, but how did you work through it? Also my gut feeling is that although he's not addicted he still really likes taking drugs occasionally, which i abhor (i've become really sensitive to it whereas in the past I took acid and MDMA occasionally also).

Casinokiwi, I'm really sorry about your loss. I think you were really brave to tell your wife, and I regret that she couldn't get past it. But I was hoping to know (if this is too invasive a question I understand), what were you thinking when you did what you did to contract this? I'm trying to get into my boyfriend's head space, and I just can't understand how someone could not even think of someone they supposedly love when doing something so dangerous. I'm sorry if that sounded judgmental, please don't take it as such I'm just trying to understand.

Thank you generally for welcoming me to this community too, by the way!

Offline Ann

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Re: My boyfriend gave me HIV and I just found out how
« Reply #8 on: March 25, 2013, 11:32:48 AM »

Ann, I have to admit I clung to your response instantly. I empathise with all you've gone through, and I hope someday we can be as happy as the two of you are. I know there's no 10 step program, but how did you work through it? Also my gut feeling is that although he's not addicted he still really likes taking drugs occasionally, which i abhor (i've become really sensitive to it whereas in the past I took acid and MDMA occasionally also).


My partner wasn't infected through drugs, he was infected through his love of women's bodies. 'Nuff said. - Well, other than he always treated any women he was with with respect.

How did we work through it? We first got together 20 years ago. We were apart for several years, during which time we were diagnosed in February 2001. With hindsight, I knew I became poz four years previously. We didn't get back together until 2007. (I was in another relationship when diagnosed - he was and is hiv negative.)

In other words, we have a long and complicated history. I guess we were just meant to be together, whatever life threw at us.

I do have drug experience myself though (him, not so much), back in my wild youth. I ended up with hep C - but I've done the treatment and was one of the lucky ones to have a sustained response (cure) to the treatment.

I should have also said yesterday that he needs to be screened for hep B as well as hep C. Hep B is also often transmitted through needle sharing.

You and your partner might benefit from couple's counselling. It doesn't really sound as though he'd be a candidate for drug rehab, but counselling is a good idea.



Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Casinokiwi

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Re: My boyfriend gave me HIV and I just found out how
« Reply #9 on: March 26, 2013, 12:34:30 AM »
Casinokiwi, I'm really sorry about your loss. I think you were really brave to tell your wife, and I regret that she couldn't get past it. But I was hoping to know (if this is too invasive a question I understand), what were you thinking when you did what you did to contract this? I'm trying to get into my boyfriend's head space, and I just can't understand how someone could not even think of someone they supposedly love when doing something so dangerous. I'm sorry if that sounded judgmental, please don't take it as such I'm just trying to understand.

Thank you generally for welcoming me to this community too, by the way!
[/quote]


It's okay...  Lately I am getting pretty used to being judged and I actually understand what insight you hope to gain.

The short answer is that I wasn't thinking about my wife or family when I was acting on an impulse.   Its really hard to explain my situation...  I am still coming to terms with the idea of having an addiction but when I was acting out the addiction I was actually replacing hard emotional stuff with this detrimental behavior.  For some reason when I did that I was able to feel good and forget about dealing with "real life".  I literally have just started to understand this and it is quite embarrassing to admit.

Based on what you have told us I think your boyfriend was acting on impulse and made a silly choice that you two now have to live with.  I hope you will be able to understand that when he did this I can guarantee he wasn't thinking about hurting you.  He was acting on impulse and had a lapse in judgement. 

I wish this was all easier for you but wether or not you stay in the relationship I think it is important to realize that this had everything to do with his desires and nothing to do with you.   At least that is my opinion. 

Good luck!

Offline mecch

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Re: My boyfriend gave me HIV and I just found out how
« Reply #10 on: March 26, 2013, 06:00:18 AM »
Casinokiwi, I'm really sorry about your loss. I think you were really brave to tell your wife, and I regret that she couldn't get past it. But I was hoping to know (if this is too invasive a question I understand), what were you thinking when you did what you did to contract this? I'm trying to get into my boyfriend's head space, and I just can't understand how someone could not even think of someone they supposedly love when doing something so dangerous. I'm sorry if that sounded judgmental, please don't take it as such I'm just trying to understand.

Thank you generally for welcoming me to this community too, by the way!

I think Casinokiwi gave you a beautiful reply.

I just wanted to point out a fallacy in your line of thinking, underlined above.  It is very rare, I think, exceedingly rare, for someone to do something "in order to get" HIV.  I don't think that is what you meant - "in order to get it" -- but I was just checking to be sure... 

HIV is an STD or result of needle sharing, maybe even cokespoons or snorting tools, too.   Viruses are passed because there is a transmission route.. People are not doing the things "they do" with the intent to "contract" an annoying virus.  (There maybe a few nihilistic bugchasers out there, but its very rare.) 

I'm sure you know this.  Most people know this.  HIV has absolutely no morals. Its not necessarily a sign of anything whatsoever.   Infidelity is infidelity.  Drug use is drug use.  The world is filled with millions of people who got HIV through no "moral failing" that some people might nevertheless perceive.  Sure, HIV can be transmitted because of poor decisions, risk taking, or not because of such things at all.   
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline Ann

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Re: My boyfriend gave me HIV and I just found out how
« Reply #11 on: March 26, 2013, 11:00:40 AM »

HIV is an STD or result of needle sharing, maybe even cokespoons or snorting tools, too.   


Hiv is NOT transmitted through sharing coke-spoons or other snorting tools. Sharing snorting equipment (straws or other tubes in particular) has been implicated in hep C transmission, but NOT hiv transmission. Never ever.


I just wanted to point out a fallacy in your line of thinking, underlined above.  It is very rare, I think, exceedingly rare, for someone to do something "in order to get" HIV.  I don't think that is what you meant - "in order to get it" -- but I was just checking to be sure... 
 

I'm pretty sure she meant "what were you thinking when you took part in an activity known to be a risk for hiv?" Betterdays can clarify this point for us.

I agree with Casino; he most likely wasn't thinking of consequences at all, he was just acting on impulse as we humans are prone to doing.

I know where my partner is concerned, if he had the slightest idea that what he was doing (ie unprotected intercourse) would irrevocably change not only his, but also other people's lives down the line, he never would have done what he did. He would have either passed on the offer of free pussy (to be blunt), or he would have used a condom. I know this because we've had many heart-to-heart talks about all the issues surrounding hiv that impact our relationship. 
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline mecch

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Re: My boyfriend gave me HIV and I just found out how
« Reply #12 on: March 26, 2013, 01:46:18 PM »
Hiv is NOT transmitted through sharing coke-spoons or other snorting tools. Sharing snorting equipment (straws or other tubes in particular) has been implicated in hep C transmission, but NOT hiv transmission. Never ever.
Oh yes, stupid me, what was I thinking. Sorry!  I got it confounded with Hep C because a few friends in Geneva told me thats how they think they got Hep C.  My bad. Sorry again.

“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline Ann

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Re: My boyfriend gave me HIV and I just found out how
« Reply #13 on: March 26, 2013, 05:17:35 PM »
Oh yes, stupid me, what was I thinking. Sorry!  I got it confounded with Hep C because a few friends in Geneva told me thats how they think they got Hep C.  My bad. Sorry again.


I thought you might have been confuddled, but wanted to correct the mistake for the benefit of all the WWs - on both sides of the fence. :)
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline betterdaysahead22

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Re: My boyfriend gave me HIV and I just found out how
« Reply #14 on: March 26, 2013, 09:49:59 PM »
"I'm pretty sure she meant "what were you thinking when you took part in an activity known to be a risk for hiv?" Betterdays can clarify this point for us. "

Yes Ann that's what I meant, I can understand the confusion though. I knew my boyfriend wasn't trying to hurt anyone at all, if anything what happened was a reflection of his fundamental altruism - he wanted to believe the best of people. It is my opinion that the drug dealer, or Justin as he said his name was, actually switched the needles in an attempt to get my boyfriend sick, and it has been much cause for debate between us and his friends as to whether we should try to find said person and bring them to legal justice.

However Justin doesn't live near us anymore, and is probably infecting countless others with the security of his anonymity. Obviously I think his actions are criminal, but it's my boyfriend's actions that I still can't truly fathom. While his trust in the goodness of people is in part why I love him so much, I can't understand the blatant stupidity of chasing down free drugs. He said he didn't realise how "bad he'd gotten" until he was sitting in our bathroom injecting himself with speed in the company of a scary looking drug dealer.

I guess I was hoping someone who has used speed at any point can clarify this for me. I'm still grappling with the idea that a drug could be so good that you'd invite a virtual stranger into the home you share with your girlfriend in order to consume it int he most dangerous way possible. So far the only justifications I have were that he was half asleep and would never have agreed to it if he was in his right state of mind, but that the functioning part of his brain was thinking that since he hadn't done it in about a year, had never injected and because it was free it would be the ideal "one last time."

Offline Ann

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Re: My boyfriend gave me HIV and I just found out how
« Reply #15 on: March 27, 2013, 06:24:28 AM »

I guess I was hoping someone who has used speed at any point can clarify this for me. I'm still grappling with the idea that a drug could be so good that you'd invite a virtual stranger into the home you share with your girlfriend in order to consume it int he most dangerous way possible.


Yes, the lure of drugs can be that strong. Particularly when you inject them.

I don't want to wax lyrical, but the rush of a drug injected into your system can be one of the most amazing experiences of your entire life. I've known people to liken it to an almost religious experience. Metaphysical, spiritual, out-of-this-world.

The first time in particular. Every time you inject afterwards, you're looking - hoping, praying - to replicate that first rush, that first rapture, that first epiphany.

It never happens.

But you keep trying. And hoping. And praying. Good luck with that cuz it ain't never gonna happen the same way ever again.

You might get close, but you never quite get there. Not quite getting there doesn't stop people from trying.

This is one of the things (only one, but an important one) that can send an otherwise "sane" person headlong into the downward spiral of addiction - always looking to replicate that first golden high.

It can also result in people making some really stupid, dangerous decisions. I've got a few "war stories" of my own concerning dangerous situations I put myself in, all in the quest of repeating that first exquisite high.

It wasn't until I was honest with myself and realised the impossibility of what I was chasing that I stopped chasing. I thought I got out of that phase of my life unscathed (whew!) but learned years later that it left me with hep C. Shit happens.

My own injecting drug of choice was from the other end of the spectrum (heroin). However, I do know that amphetamines in its various forms (speed, crank, coke, crack, meth, to name a few) while not normally physically addicting, can be powerfully psychologically addicting. Even more psychologically addicting than heroin is physically addicting - and that's saying something.

A big part of addiction is chasing a repeat of that first golden high - no matter what sort of dangerous situation in which the chase may put you.


It is my opinion that the drug dealer, or Justin as he said his name was, actually switched the needles in an attempt to get my boyfriend sick, and it has been much cause for debate between us and his friends as to whether we should try to find said person and bring them to legal justice.


Not a good road to even attempt to go down. It would be futile, one guy's word against the other, impossible to prove etc etc etc.

Do you really want the private details of your lives to be paraded in open court? Over something that you're unlikely to "win"? (There are no real "winners" in the hiv criminalisation game any way you look at it.)

Your boyfriend will have to admit to illegal activities. Do you want him labelled as a junkie in the system for the rest of his life?

Because that is exactly what will happen should you pursue legal action. All it will do is add untold amounts of stress to your lives.

Besides, you don't even know if this guy knew he had a blood borne virus.

And speaking of which, you haven't once replied regarding whether he has also been tested for hep C and hep B. Both of these viruses are MUCH more commonly transmitted when sharing needles and injecting equipment than hiv. Chances are very good that if "Justin" has hiv from injecting drug use, he's also got hep C and/or hep B.

Unlike hiv, you can even get hep C from sharing the same filters and water containers (used to draw water into the syringe) when new needles are used for each person. Hep C and B are a LOT more virulent than hiv and more easily transmitted. If he hasn't been tested for hep B and C, he needs to do that pronto.


However Justin doesn't live near us anymore, and is probably infecting countless others with the security of his anonymity. Obviously I think his actions are criminal....


Unless he's holding people down and force-injecting them with drugs from a used needle, then I'm not buying this.

People who inject drugs have the responsibility to assume anyone they're injecting drugs with may be infected with hiv, hep C and/or hep B and protect themselves accordingly by making absolutely SURE they're putting a new needle (or their own that's never been shared, or one that's been flushed with bleach) into their arm.

It's just the same as being infected through sex. Unless a person is being raped, it's their responsibility to insure condoms are used. Unless a person is being held down and injected against their will, it's their responsibility to be vigilant about the syringes used.

When you try to turn one person living with hiv into a criminal, you end up making ALL of us who live with hiv into a potential criminal.

You WILL get through this.

Ann
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline betterdaysahead22

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  • Posts: 31
Re: My boyfriend gave me HIV and I just found out how
« Reply #16 on: March 28, 2013, 05:09:15 AM »
You make a lot of good points, and thanks for shedding some light on the injection thing. It's probably wrong of me to judge anyone for seeking out that feeling when I've never taken anything that could give me the same experience - MDMA is the closest I've come to that kind of euphoria, and both times the substance wasn't pure so the feeling wasn't even close.

What I forgot to say before was that we've both been going to a sexual health clinic and we both got cleared there of both hep b and c. So at least there we were lucky :)

I understand what you're saying about acceptance of responsibility too. It took a while for me to realise that if I'd had protected sex with my boyfriend then I never would have gotten HIV, so despite his actions being more reckless I too am paying for a risk that I took with my own health.

Ann I can't thank you enough for the support you've given and for the peace you're helping me achieve. I'm happy I've stayed, I know I'm going to have to fight every day to come to terms with the enormity of this but I'm glad I chose to try. He's talking right now about buying a house together, and while I'm excited I still think I need a bit more processing time. Even though these last few months have been the worst of my life and I desperately want a quick fix for all this pain, you've given me hope that there's light up ahead.

Offline mecch

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  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: My boyfriend gave me HIV and I just found out how
« Reply #17 on: March 28, 2013, 08:35:45 AM »
Its great you're going to try to make it work. PLEASE take your time, the both of you.
Common wisdom suggests avoiding trying to fix a relationship with things like buying a house or having a baby, etc. Please wait until the relationship is fixed before big steps!
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

 


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