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My boyfriend gave me HIV and I just found out how

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Ann:

--- Quote from: betterdaysahead22 on March 26, 2013, 09:49:59 PM ---
I guess I was hoping someone who has used speed at any point can clarify this for me. I'm still grappling with the idea that a drug could be so good that you'd invite a virtual stranger into the home you share with your girlfriend in order to consume it int he most dangerous way possible.


--- End quote ---

Yes, the lure of drugs can be that strong. Particularly when you inject them.

I don't want to wax lyrical, but the rush of a drug injected into your system can be one of the most amazing experiences of your entire life. I've known people to liken it to an almost religious experience. Metaphysical, spiritual, out-of-this-world.

The first time in particular. Every time you inject afterwards, you're looking - hoping, praying - to replicate that first rush, that first rapture, that first epiphany.

It never happens.

But you keep trying. And hoping. And praying. Good luck with that cuz it ain't never gonna happen the same way ever again.

You might get close, but you never quite get there. Not quite getting there doesn't stop people from trying.

This is one of the things (only one, but an important one) that can send an otherwise "sane" person headlong into the downward spiral of addiction - always looking to replicate that first golden high.

It can also result in people making some really stupid, dangerous decisions. I've got a few "war stories" of my own concerning dangerous situations I put myself in, all in the quest of repeating that first exquisite high.

It wasn't until I was honest with myself and realised the impossibility of what I was chasing that I stopped chasing. I thought I got out of that phase of my life unscathed (whew!) but learned years later that it left me with hep C. Shit happens.

My own injecting drug of choice was from the other end of the spectrum (heroin). However, I do know that amphetamines in its various forms (speed, crank, coke, crack, meth, to name a few) while not normally physically addicting, can be powerfully psychologically addicting. Even more psychologically addicting than heroin is physically addicting - and that's saying something.

A big part of addiction is chasing a repeat of that first golden high - no matter what sort of dangerous situation in which the chase may put you.


--- Quote from: betterdaysahead22 on March 26, 2013, 09:49:59 PM ---
It is my opinion that the drug dealer, or Justin as he said his name was, actually switched the needles in an attempt to get my boyfriend sick, and it has been much cause for debate between us and his friends as to whether we should try to find said person and bring them to legal justice.


--- End quote ---

Not a good road to even attempt to go down. It would be futile, one guy's word against the other, impossible to prove etc etc etc.

Do you really want the private details of your lives to be paraded in open court? Over something that you're unlikely to "win"? (There are no real "winners" in the hiv criminalisation game any way you look at it.)

Your boyfriend will have to admit to illegal activities. Do you want him labelled as a junkie in the system for the rest of his life?

Because that is exactly what will happen should you pursue legal action. All it will do is add untold amounts of stress to your lives.

Besides, you don't even know if this guy knew he had a blood borne virus.

And speaking of which, you haven't once replied regarding whether he has also been tested for hep C and hep B. Both of these viruses are MUCH more commonly transmitted when sharing needles and injecting equipment than hiv. Chances are very good that if "Justin" has hiv from injecting drug use, he's also got hep C and/or hep B.

Unlike hiv, you can even get hep C from sharing the same filters and water containers (used to draw water into the syringe) when new needles are used for each person. Hep C and B are a LOT more virulent than hiv and more easily transmitted. If he hasn't been tested for hep B and C, he needs to do that pronto.


--- Quote from: betterdaysahead22 on March 26, 2013, 09:49:59 PM ---
However Justin doesn't live near us anymore, and is probably infecting countless others with the security of his anonymity. Obviously I think his actions are criminal....


--- End quote ---

Unless he's holding people down and force-injecting them with drugs from a used needle, then I'm not buying this.

People who inject drugs have the responsibility to assume anyone they're injecting drugs with may be infected with hiv, hep C and/or hep B and protect themselves accordingly by making absolutely SURE they're putting a new needle (or their own that's never been shared, or one that's been flushed with bleach) into their arm.

It's just the same as being infected through sex. Unless a person is being raped, it's their responsibility to insure condoms are used. Unless a person is being held down and injected against their will, it's their responsibility to be vigilant about the syringes used.

When you try to turn one person living with hiv into a criminal, you end up making ALL of us who live with hiv into a potential criminal.

You WILL get through this.

Ann

betterdaysahead22:
You make a lot of good points, and thanks for shedding some light on the injection thing. It's probably wrong of me to judge anyone for seeking out that feeling when I've never taken anything that could give me the same experience - MDMA is the closest I've come to that kind of euphoria, and both times the substance wasn't pure so the feeling wasn't even close.

What I forgot to say before was that we've both been going to a sexual health clinic and we both got cleared there of both hep b and c. So at least there we were lucky :)

I understand what you're saying about acceptance of responsibility too. It took a while for me to realise that if I'd had protected sex with my boyfriend then I never would have gotten HIV, so despite his actions being more reckless I too am paying for a risk that I took with my own health.

Ann I can't thank you enough for the support you've given and for the peace you're helping me achieve. I'm happy I've stayed, I know I'm going to have to fight every day to come to terms with the enormity of this but I'm glad I chose to try. He's talking right now about buying a house together, and while I'm excited I still think I need a bit more processing time. Even though these last few months have been the worst of my life and I desperately want a quick fix for all this pain, you've given me hope that there's light up ahead.

mecch:
Its great you're going to try to make it work. PLEASE take your time, the both of you.
Common wisdom suggests avoiding trying to fix a relationship with things like buying a house or having a baby, etc. Please wait until the relationship is fixed before big steps!

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