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New Member, just got my results

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hello gavelkind,
sorry about your diagnosis. i was diagnosed 2 years ago. i was very depressed and all i could think about was killing myself. but one day i realized that i couldn't leave my dogs. i knew i had to take care of them no matter how difficult my life was.
also i couldn't give up on my career.
pretty soon i stopped reading about hiv and started reading novels. also i started writing a blog about my raw feelings about my diagnosis and my life. i didn't care whoever was reading it. that was my therapy.
eventually and gradually i stopped thinking about hiv and started living my life. hiv is just another word to describe me like my eyes are brown or whatever. hiv doesn't define who i am.
i hope you find your own way to deal with this soon. you will be fine.
keep living.

Thanks for the kind words guys. Yeah, I've been keeping a "journal" and feel that's helped me. I keep thinking about 20+ years from now reading it and feeling proud of my journey. :)

I saw the Dr again today. I'm going to start medications tomorrow. I was supposed to do it tonight, but then going to the pharmacy, I looked at the pharmacist, made eye contact, got paranoid and ran out like a scared little girl. Well, no, but you get the point. I'll definitely do it tomorrow though. My Dr wants me to take 3 different pills a day which surprised me. He said I shouldn't take Atripla because I guess that's not a good drug for crazy people. :) I asked about Stribild and he suggested against it saying I should wait a year because of it's unknown side effects on livers. Not sure that convinced me. He said that if I do well for my first year, that he would switch me to a one pill a day thing. He mentioned some new drug coming out that wont have unknown side effects on the liver and how that'd be a better fit for me.

I joked to my Dr that I was disappointed I couldn't take Atripla because I wanted to experience trippy dreams. He said I'd probably have nightmares instead which kind of sounded even more appealing in a way since I love scary stories. I wanted some trippy dreams out of this damn it!

And hell yeah, I get dental now. I kind of feel rich now with all this access to healthcare. :)   

Here in the suburbs, we have drive-thru pharmacy windows.  They are a great way to feel like you're at  It is good you have a sense of humor about it.  I remember being ashamed of my Bactrim prescription.  Ashamed may not be the right word.  I just felt they would now know I was poz.  I had gone there for years, and they got to know me.  I thought it was exclusively used for AIDS-related OI prevention.  I later learned it is used for other things.  My mom was on it recently.  But, in any event, I am sure they knew the office on the script was an HIV medical office.  But, I think I am over that feeling.

Anyway, all the best for your start tomorrow.  Many decide to build a month supply, before starting, just in case they run into insurance or other issues.  Let us know how your first days and weeks go. 

After my initial labs my ID called me and informed me i had to start antibiotics immediately.  I was prescribed Bactrim but had to remind them that I can't take Bactrim so I was then prescribed Dapsone.  My ID asked me if I wanted to use the AHF pharmacy or my regular Walgreens because it was much closer to me.  Not knowing anything about dapsone i told them to send it to Walgreens.  When I picked up the meds a few hours later the pharmacy tech looked almost terrified when she handed me the bag and receipt.   Immediately I thought 'Oh my god, she knows'.  When I got home I looked up Dapsone and saw its primarily prescribed for people with HIV or leprosy!! 

I haven't been back to that pharmacy since:)

Hi Gavelkind,

Welcome. I am not a regular user of the forums here but they are a great resource.

I was diagnosed 17 years ago at 26 and coped quite well, I thought. However, it has not always been an easy journey but I felt quite able by myself. This year, for various reasons (feeling stuck, wanting to improve personal development but also awareness that my hiv status probably should have called for that way earlier...) I decided to give psychotherapy a try... and I am so glad I have finally taken that step. I have only one regret, which I knew I'd have all along: not to have given it a try a lot sooner!

It's an amazing form of support and development - not always easy but well worth exploring. Still early days for me, but how much pain might that have saved me!

Stay strong. Love from Ireland!


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