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New Member, just got my results

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Hello everyone. I've been reading this site for a while and decided to officially introduce myself.

I am 28 and live in NYC and I tested positive just a month ago. A few years back I was severely depressed and self-destructive. I had unprotected sex a few times as a result. A year ago, things in my life started getting better and I went back to using condoms, but I did not get tested because I was afraid of the results. I kept telling myself I wasn't + because I never got sick, and I didn't get the flu even though my two roomates did. Anyway, I finally had the courage to do it last month and my worst fears were confirmed.

I suppose I've been handling this well. I'll get depressed over it but not in the same way I was depressed a few years ago (meaning I'm not being self-destructive). I've started going to the doctor and had my first batch of results come in. My cell count is at 880 (this is great!) and my viral load count is at 130K (I guess that means I'm highly infectious?). We are waiting on my drug resistance tests to figure out what medicine I should go on. I've also spoken to my doctor about seeing a therapist/psychologist. I've always thought that was bs, but I'm afraid of getting depressed again since that's when I become self-destructive. In a way, I'm more afraid of my depression than I am of having hiv. 

I guess that's it.

Welcome Gavelkind!

Don't beat yourself up for what happened in the past.

It sounds like you are dealing with this in a healthy way.
Getting the diagnosis is a bit of a heavy load to say the least.

In hindsight, I wish that I had gone to get help on an emotional level when I first learned of my status.
It's really not as frightening as you may think.
In fact, it is not frightening at all, just helpful! :)

I'm sure more advice will be coming to you from other members here.

Looking forward to hearing more from you.


Hi Gavel, Welcome aboard.

You've got some nice CD4's there. Once you start meds and get your VL Undectable then you may even raise the CD4 level even more.

As far as the therapist, yes I would definitely say go for it! It's not BS  ;)


Welcome to the forums.  I am sorry you're here, but nice to meet you.  It is good you got the courage to test.  I was too afraid to test for years.  I had a very strong feeling I was likely poz, but I kept my head in the sand.  I did test anonymously, but was too afraid to return for the results.  So, I ended up finding out after getting pretty ill. 

About seeing a therapist-- I now see one every couple weeks.  I've found it beneficial to be able to discuss fears and issues.  I've had those feelings that I'm paying someone to talk, and he usually tells me things I already know.  I mean, I am fairly self-aware and know my issues and faults.  However, there have been a few times that he's gotten me to see things from a different perspective.  So, I think it is beneficial for that, and to just talk. 

Anyway, all the best, and keep in touch.


Welcome Gavel.  Looking forward to hearing more from you.



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