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Author Topic: Be grateful of advice - HIV status dropped into conversation  (Read 1533 times)

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Offline Moof

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Be grateful of advice - HIV status dropped into conversation
« on: March 16, 2013, 08:46:17 AM »
Hi there

New to the forum and would really appreciate some advice.

I've been working with someone for about a year, and would like to think we've become very good friends, particularly over the past few months. I'm leaving work soon and spending a few months travelling, but we will keep in touch.

We went out for a few drinks last week with a close friend of his. We were talking about travelling, and he mentioned that he sometimes had difficulty travelling with his HIV meds.

I didn't respond directly the point about his HIV status, but we talked more generally about travelling with medication. He reinforced, jokingly, about his needs for the HIV meds, almost, I think, to make sure I'd got the point. Then the conversation moved on.

His HIV status doesn't change how I feel about him - he's one of my favourite people and I think he always will be. But I'm not quite sure what to do next. Should I wait for him to talk about it again? Or should I raise it with him?

If the latter, I'd be minded to say:

- I care about him very much
- his HIV status doesn't change how I feel about him
- I'd be very happy to support his health and wellbeing in any way I can if he wants me to
- I'd like to ask him from time to time about how he's doing, and how his viral load and CD4 counts are - but only if he's happy for me to do so

We were at work together yesterday and nothing was any different in our attitudes and interactions, which is great.

I know everyone's different, but would really appreciate some opinions here. I suppose I'm asking for the wisdom of people who have been in a similar position as to what he may want me to do next. Should I wait for him, or is he waiting for me?

Thanks in advance



Moof




Offline wolfter

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Re: Be grateful of advice - HIV status dropped into conversation
« Reply #1 on: March 16, 2013, 09:00:09 AM »
I would think that since he so casually mentioned his HIV meds, he wouldn't mind discussing his status.  Instead of telling him him how you feel, why not just "show" him with your actions?  Continue to be supportive and ask general questions about how he's doing.

If you continue to develop a true friendship, he'll approach you if/when he needs additional support. 
Complacency is the enemy.  ;)  Challenge yourself daily for maximum  return on investment.

Offline Jeff G

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  • How am I doing Beren ?
Re: Be grateful of advice - HIV status dropped into conversation
« Reply #2 on: March 16, 2013, 09:01:27 AM »
Hi Moof . The guy obviously trust you enough to talk to you about his health so I would keep that confidence by simply being honest and telling him how you feel when you two have a rivate moment .   

You could break the ice and tell him that you were touched he trusts you enough with his health care concerns to discuss it with you and that he should feel free to do the same any time . Best of luck .

Offline Moof

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Re: Be grateful of advice - HIV status dropped into conversation
« Reply #3 on: March 16, 2013, 09:16:26 AM »
Thanks, Wolfter and Jeff G.

Very helpful.

Offline texaninnyc87

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  • Posts: 247
Re: Be grateful of advice - HIV status dropped into conversation
« Reply #4 on: March 16, 2013, 08:55:48 PM »
You seem like a great friend! He's a lucky guy to have someone like you around. He probably wanted to tell you but didn't want to make a big deal out of it. I've done this before myself! I think now that he's opened up to you about his status he's probably pretty open to talking about it with you. He'll probably be impressed that you are so knowledgable and you two will just grow a little closer. Good luck!
Dxd: 9/11/12
Blot confirmed: 11/12
12/12 cd4: 280 (20%) vl: 129,000
1/13 $tribild
2/13 cd4: 350 (26%) vl: 80
4/13 cd4: 510 (29%) vl:: 35
6/13cd4 350 (31%) vl: 21
9/13 cd4 492 (30%) vl: ud
12/13 cd4 846 (36%) vl: 100
1/14 cd4 480 (31%) vl: UD
3/14 cd4 650 (33%) vl: UD
6/14 cd4 410 (35%) vl: UD
9/14 cd4 439 (38%) vl: UD

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Be grateful of advice - HIV status dropped into conversation
« Reply #5 on: March 17, 2013, 06:49:02 AM »
Hi Moof, welcome to the forums.

I agree with what's already been said, but I'd like to add a little something.

When you do discuss his health - particularly specifically his health in relation to his hiv - do it discretely when no one else is in ear-shot.

It may be that he is generally open about his hiv status (many of us are, I am), but it also may be that he regards you as a trusted friend and wanted you to know, but doesn't necessarily want his status to be common knowledge.

Other than that, carry on! You sound like a good friend and a good person. :)

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Moof

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Re: Be grateful of advice - HIV status dropped into conversation
« Reply #6 on: March 18, 2013, 03:11:44 AM »
Thanks for your kind words, Texaninnyc87 and Ann.

Texaninnyc87 - your point about not wanting to make a big deal out of it makes a lot of sense.

Ann - got you absolutely. Will definitely be discreet about it and make sure nobody overhears. I'll be careful to make sure I don't break that confidence. It's too important.

Thanks again - really appreciated.



Moof
« Last Edit: March 18, 2013, 03:24:44 AM by Moof »

Offline Ann

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  • Member
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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Be grateful of advice - HIV status dropped into conversation
« Reply #7 on: March 18, 2013, 08:07:33 AM »
You're welcome, Moof! That's what we're here for.

If you haven't already, you may want to have a browse through the Lessons section of this website. They're written in plain, easy to understand English. If any questions arise while you read, don't hesitate to come back here to your thread to ask.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

 


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