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LTS & alone - how does one keep going?

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livingmmy9lives:
This is something I can really relate to. My partner & I spend a lot of time alone because we don't have a lot of money to spend  and no car. Also people who are not long-term survivors don't understand what we go through. We tried a support group and made one good friend and he died. We also tried going to a church but when were were absent for long stretches because my partner was sick it really bothered me that no one ever called to see how is was etc and generally I felt like they didn't have time for us. So we spend our days mostly at home together and it is boring and kind of sad in a sense but thankfully we have each other. I don't know what I would do without him or if I could even stand being alone so much. I have a lot of empathy for you single long-term survivors.

livingmmy9lives:
http://youtu.be/OmPKVvxFb1c

lyrics: Lying in my bed, I think of you
That song goes through my head, the one we both knew
In each line lies another line full of sacred sound
But you're outside where the companies dream and the money goes round
Lying in my bed.
Watching my mistakes,
I listen to the band they said that it could be the 2 of us
The snow might fall and write the lines on the silent page
But you're outside making permanent love to the nuclear age
Two silhouettes by the cash machine make a lovers dance
It's a tango for the lonely wives of the business class
Lying in my bed
Watching my mistakes
I listen to the band
Lying in my bed
With nothing much to say so I listen to the man
He said that it could be the 2 of us
I heard you call from across the city through the stereo sound
And so I crawled there sickeningly pretty as the money went round
Lying in my head watching my mistakes
I listen to the band
And the drums beat in my head
Pianos chime the sound in this prison of the house
And as the illness comes again can you hear me through the rain
As I listen to the band?
As I sing the silent song
Mime each lonely word
Please listen to the man he said that it could be the 2 of us
Alone but not lonely, you and me
Alone but loaded.........

mitch777:
welcome to the forums Living! :)
it's not too often that we see "new" LTS posting for the first time.
hope we can get to know you better. :)
m.

LongTimeSurvivor:
I stay alive to spite everyone. Makes me happy...

That said...by nature, I'm a loner. So not sure if my outlook on life will be of much use to you. There are ways to pass the time...reading, writing (letters to faraway friends), cow-tipping...but only if you live near farms.

Another option would be to go on line and explore potential connections. Look up all the hair dressers in towns near you. It's cliche, yes, but I bet if they're men they're gay. At least it would be a start and they probably know other men who aren't hairdressers.

Best of luck...

phillypinko:
I've lived long enough to relate to where you're coming from. I tested positive in '92 when I was 20 years old. I made what at the time was a logical decision. I was told I had 5-7 years of good health ahead of me so i reasoned it was pointless to finish school. I dropped out signed up for as many credit cards as I could get and worked jobs that paid cash(bartender,barback,waiter). I've travelled the world and all through the U.S. Now im 41. My parents are elderly and sick. I collect the minimum on disability and live in public housng. I didn't anticipate living this long! Now im looking at a lonely life where I am either rejected because i'm on disability or because of HIV. I literally have had guys strike up a conversation with me in a bar. We talk for 5 or 10 minutes then they ask what i do for a living. They abruptly end the conversation by not saying another word and walking away when they find out i am on disablity. I would give anything to meet the right man and live happily ever after but I think that is a pipe dream. So im chasing another pipe dream by writing about what it was like to test positve at such a young age before there was a treatment and how it changed my life. I've accepted being lonely is my cross to bear. I do a lot of praying. I ask God to give me the strength to accept his will for me.

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