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Less than 2 weeks since positive diagnoses

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Lumpy:
Hallo to everyone Out there. Just tester positive yesterday on the quicktest. My partner of four years had some flu-like symptoms and I got worried cause I had a slip three months ago. I am a doctor, a surgeon actually. Thought this was all out of my world. People, I live Alone in a Western European country , my family thousands of miles away. All by myself. No friends. My partner is four hours away, so we see each other every weekend or two.
I cannot describe the amount of despair I am feeling. The amount of pain and fear. I will probably lose my job, since surgeons with hiv are considered a hospital liability. The will not fire me, but I will never operate again. If my bf tests positive too, then who knows if he is going to support me in the long run? For know he is a rock beside me..
I learned of the diagnosis being in a foreign country, need to get back home to see what can do with mess and stuff. I have reached my human endurance. I am afraid as I have never been. I feel guilt and remorse and pain and fear and desperation....

Ann:
Hi Lumpy, welcome to the forums.

You say you tested positive on a rapid test. Rapid tests sometimes return FALSE positive results. This means that you MUST have further testing done.

You should have a blood test done to look for antibodies and if this is also positive, then the result MUST be confirmed with a Western Blot test.

Please understand that you are not considered to have been diagnosed as hiv positive until such time as you have had the confirmatory test done and they are also positive.

False positive results can and do happen (pregnancy and autoimmune disease can cause them - and sometimes they just happen) so you absolutely do need to have the confirmatory tests run.

Good luck - and hang in there in the meantime.

Ann

Lumpy:
Thank you for your kind words. But I read these are 99% positive. And it will not be false positive o,n a gay man.... I have to be realistic. I am expecting the second test in a few hours.. It's just that I'm such agony and pain.... And unfortunately alone Ina foreign country

Ann:

--- Quote from: Lumpy on February 26, 2013, 07:24:59 AM ---
And it will not be false positive o,n a gay man.


--- End quote ---

False positive results can and do happen to gay men all the time. The test doesn't know your sexual orientation and being gay does not automatically mean you're going to end up with hiv.

ANYONE who has had a preliminary positive test result MUST have that result confirmed - or ruled out - with further testing.

actonye:
To everyone who replied to my dilemma thank you all so much. I have all the facts at my fingertips. I know what will happen. It's just I still feel cheated my life. I spent my first year as an intern looking after hiv positive patients. I feel an incredible amount if fear because I saw a few of them die. Now their situation was different to mine in the sense they were not on treatment till it got too late.
I worry about my family. Just like lumpy my family are miles away from me. I worry about what this will do to them. It's in my nature to worry about others. I want to be strong and move on from here, but just not sure how. I've taken all the right steps seeing a counsellor, getting all the necessary investigations done, but I feel like the old me has died and now I have a new me with so many challenges to face. This forum has really helped and you guys are really amazing for taking time out to reassure me. I'm almost crying at work writing this. I look forward to smiling again. I don't know if that will happen. I really hope it does. I can't get myself to look at my old pictures without crying. I really hope this gets easier. I mourn my life even though I'm still alive. What next?

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