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Author Topic: my partner  (Read 2454 times)

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Offline tommytj

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  • Posts: 17
my partner
« on: February 23, 2013, 01:15:44 PM »
my partner has been HIV positive for 12 years,,,but wont take medications,,,AND DOES NOT HAVE HIS CD4 OR VIRAL LOAD CHECKED...its a taboo subject,I can never talk about it...even now that I have HIV,,for 1 year,,and I KNOW MY CD4 AND VIRAL LOAD,,and still its never talked about,,I just worry he will get sick,,and I have no support from him..I am just at my end ,,to tiered to deal with the situation.any advise would be appreciated ..Tommy

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: my partner
« Reply #1 on: February 23, 2013, 02:01:37 PM »
my partner has been HIV positive for 12 years,,,but wont take medications,,,AND DOES NOT HAVE HIS CD4 OR VIRAL LOAD CHECKED...its a taboo subject,I can never talk about it...even now that I have HIV,,for 1 year,,and I KNOW MY CD4 AND VIRAL LOAD,,and still its never talked about,,I just worry he will get sick,,and I have no support from him..I am just at my end ,,to tiered to deal with the situation.any advise would be appreciated ..Tommy

I am so sorry to hear about your partner. Unless he is a rare non=progressor, he will indeed grow ill and likely die without treatment. I have a difficult time wrapping my head around why he would want to put you through that.

It's great that you are taking care of your health however. You will need to be strong for your partner when he grows weaker.

Welcome to the forums, by the way.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline tommytj

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  • Posts: 17
Re: my partner
« Reply #2 on: February 23, 2013, 02:18:10 PM »
thanks jkinatlz,,,he has had a few bad flu chest infection just over the last few months,,I thought that would scare him to get checked just so we can be in control of the invisible virus,but no,,you are correct why he could put me through this and his family ,,many friends say the same,,,his only comment to me was ,,,if you take meds hope you don't get ugly,,,you see vanity that's his concern,,,but I'm in total control of my virus,,,944 CD4 but the virus load is 244678,,,my next appointment is the 22 April.

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: my partner
« Reply #3 on: February 23, 2013, 03:07:52 PM »
thanks jkinatlz,,,he has had a few bad flu chest infection just over the last few months,,I thought that would scare him to get checked just so we can be in control of the invisible virus,but no,,you are correct why he could put me through this and his family ,,many friends say the same,,,his only comment to me was ,,,if you take meds hope you don't get ugly,,,you see vanity that's his concern,,,but I'm in total control of my virus,,,944 CD4 but the virus load is 244678,,,my next appointment is the 22 April.

The current crop of meds, you should tell him, absolutely DO NOT cause lipo. Heck, steer him to this site if you can. The treatment LESSONS here are unparalleled. Of course, if his concerns are not rational (and they really don't seem to be) then a rational argument is pretty much useless. I really am sorry - it's a terrible position to be in.

Great cd4 number by the way! How long have you been on meds? What are you taking?

My cd4 finally broke 250 this year, from a record low of 12 :)

I'm on Prezista, Isentress, Truvada and Norvir. Aside from fairly persistent GI stuff I'm pretty well sailing along uneventfully.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline tommytj

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  • Posts: 17
Re: my partner
« Reply #4 on: February 23, 2013, 03:18:24 PM »
YOUR RIGHT,,,he has no rational thoughts,,now I never argue anymore ,,its a total waste of time,,,but I will be there for him if and when he gets sick.
I'm not on meds yet that will be decided in April,,I'm a little scared,,but prepared for the out come.
wow you made a big come back ,,from 12 well done,,and may it continue ; ;)

Offline Jeff G

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  • How am I doing Beren ?
Re: my partner
« Reply #5 on: February 23, 2013, 03:25:06 PM »
Hi Tommy and welcome to the Forum .

JK's statement about our lessons section and guiding your friend here bears repeating , its excellent advice . I have seen many people come into the forum full of fear and quickly turn all the fear and uncertainty into empowerment once they have the knowledge to make sound health care decisions .

Im wishing you two the best of health and luck . Jeff . 

Offline tommytj

  • Member
  • Posts: 17
Re: my partner
« Reply #6 on: February 23, 2013, 03:37:35 PM »
than you so much,,I have just found the site,,,will leave it open for my partner to snoop.
its wonderful I HAVE NEVER so open ,,its a release.

thanks again

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: my partner
« Reply #7 on: February 23, 2013, 03:50:41 PM »
YOUR RIGHT,,,he has no rational thoughts,,now I never argue anymore ,,its a total waste of time,,,but I will be there for him if and when he gets sick.
I'm not on meds yet that will be decided in April,,I'm a little scared,,but prepared for the out come.
wow you made a big come back ,,from 12 well done,,and may it continue ; ;)

Thanks for the kind words! It took me about five years to get it back up, but all it takes is three pills in the morning and four at night for me. No lipo, neuropathy, and most importantly, no being sick.

I have to tell you, I went through a dark patch for a few years after my Dad died. Stopped taking my meds, made some pretty reckless choices, and stressed my friends out something awful. The pneumonia, which was inevitable, didn't come on all at once. Took over a year to fully manifest. Went from going to the gym three times a week to having to rest on the way back from the mailbox. My life slowly just closed in around me, and I was just too sad and sick to notice or really care. The weeks I spent in the hospital (when I finally called my best friend one night at two in the morning because I could not get out of the bathtub) started a whole lot of healing.

It was during that time when I finally opened my eyes and saw the pain and grief and frustration in the faces of the people who loved me. And that I wasn't just letting myself down, but these people as well. I am lucky I didn't lost them, though I am sure I came pretty close. Thing is, my family and friends need me. I am helping take care of an elderly mom, have a boyfriend who has had serious health issues (not HIV related) and needed months of caregiving last year. And none of this would have been possible had I selfishly remained off meds, choosing helplessness over empowerment.

It's a seductive choice, that. But the consequences are horrific. I just wanted you to know that I wasn't judging your partner from some sort of self righteous place. I really do know how it feels, and wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline tommytj

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  • Posts: 17
Re: my partner
« Reply #8 on: February 23, 2013, 04:05:34 PM »
you have been there,,and know what happens,,,wish my partner could read your words,,you are an inspiration to others,,,

Offline texaninnyc87

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  • Posts: 247
Re: my partner
« Reply #9 on: February 23, 2013, 06:05:17 PM »
i'm so sorry to hear about your partner. does he realize that AIDS wont do much to help his looks in the long run? wasting and lesions arent very cute on anyone. hopefully he'll see you as a positive example and start treatment. you are a very loyal partner to stick with him and try to help him. i cant imagine how difficult that must be. take advantage of all the wisdom on these forums and good luck with trying to help him out, i really hope he listens to you.
Dxd: 9/11/12
Blot confirmed: 11/12
12/12 cd4: 280 (20%) vl: 129,000
1/13 $tribild
2/13 cd4: 350 (26%) vl: 80
4/13 cd4: 510 (29%) vl:: 35
6/13cd4 350 (31%) vl: 21
9/13 cd4 492 (30%) vl: ud
12/13 cd4 846 (36%) vl: 100
1/14 cd4 480 (31%) vl: UD
3/14 cd4 650 (33%) vl: UD
6/14 cd4 410 (35%) vl: UD
9/14 cd4 439 (38%) vl: UD

Offline drewm

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  • Posts: 1,168
Re: my partner
« Reply #10 on: February 23, 2013, 07:33:05 PM »
I don't have much to add. Perhaps a different spin using different words but what comes across as sad to me is that this disease is manageable IF it is treated. Ignorance is not bliss when it comes to HIV/AIDS.
Diagnosed in  May of 2010 with teh AIDS.

PCP Pneumonia . CD4 8 . VL 500,000

ATRIPLA - VALTREX -  FLUOXETINE - FENOFIBRATE


Numbers consistent since 12/2010 - VL has remained undetectable and CD4 is anywhere from 275-325

Offline tommytj

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  • Posts: 17
Re: my partner
« Reply #11 on: February 24, 2013, 02:48:41 AM »
thank you all,,to be able to be open say how I feel,, it is so much easier to speak to people who are on the same boat,,my friends are great,,,but I FEEL I have burdened them enough with this problem,,they don't understand how I CAN stay with a man ,,who doesn't respect his health and his life,,,,and does not respect the man who loves him,,he has been positive for 12 years ,and no medication,I LOOK AT HIM EVERY DAY,, thinking is today the day,,,every time he coughs,or has the cold,,,but just keep silent,,,in case he loses his temper,,sometimes I feel guilty for being silent,,at the moment I have to concentrate on my HIV,,he never mentions it,,,he has not even asked the results of my CD4 or viral load,,,that hurts,,,I don't want his sympathy,,,I just want a little support,,,,tom

Offline tommytj

  • Member
  • Posts: 17
Re: my partner
« Reply #12 on: February 24, 2013, 03:13:40 AM »
FROM HIM

 


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