Main Forums > Someone I Care About Has HIV

Needing Some Advice: New Magnetic Relationship

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jkinatl2:

--- Quote from: texaninnyc87 on February 21, 2013, 07:51:20 PM ---Getting him on meds is the best way to protect yourself. Once he is undetectable, the risk of him transmitting it to you is very small, add condoms into the mix and its almost nothing!

--- End quote ---

Sadly, the OP's fear of HIV transcends this logic. I hope he addresses those fears with a professional therapist, regardless of his choices regarding the relationship. If the OP is concerned about tears, and if over a year of participation in the AM I INFECTED forum cannot allay that sort of fear, then I submit that bring relieved thanks to viral load information is pretty far down on the list of possibilities.

Seems like torture for the both of them so long as this irrational fear persists. And one thing I keep learning from AM I INFECTED is that irrational fears are unswayed by rational rebuttal.

I certainly hope that the OP gets the help he needs. It must be terrible, living in fear.

mitch777:

--- Quote from: jkinatl2 on February 21, 2013, 08:52:23 PM ---Sadly, the OP's fear of HIV transcends this logic. I hope he addresses those fears with a professional therapist, regardless of his choices regarding the relationship. If the OP is concerned about tears, and if over a year of participation in the AM I INFECTED forum cannot allay that sort of fear, then I submit that bring relieved thanks to viral load information is pretty far down on the list of possibilities.

Seems like torture for the both of them so long as this irrational fear persists. And one thing I keep learning from AM I INFECTED is that irrational fears are unswayed by rational rebuttal.

I certainly hope that the OP gets the help he needs. It must be terrible, living in fear.

--- End quote ---
great advice ^ but would aslo like to add that after reading this quote:
--- Quote from: beautyface on February 21, 2013, 07:21:14 PM ---Perhaps you're right.  Perhaps its best that I move on with my life.

--- End quote ---
"moving on in your life" could include facing your fears.

I have been HIV+ for 30+ years and have been "married" to my partner (HIV-) for 18+ years.
Just sayin' your heart counts for sumpin'. ;)

beautyface:
One thing I absolutely hate about this forum is how sometimes folks bring up unrelated things you have posted about in the distant past.  I truly fail to see how its relevant.  I do and have acknowledged that I have an HIV anxiety disorder more than likely.  I embarked on this relationship with the best of intentions, hoping I had outgrown or quelled my irrational thoughts.  But the bottom line is this: My HIV negative status is mine alone to protect.  I am accountable to myself.  For this and other unrelated reasons, this relationship is not the right fit for me.

jkinatl2:

--- Quote from: beautyface on February 22, 2013, 02:10:09 AM ---One thing I absolutely hate about this forum is how sometimes folks bring up unrelated things you have posted about in the distant past.  I truly fail to see how its relevant.  I do and have acknowledged that I have an HIV anxiety disorder more than likely.  I embarked on this relationship with the best of intentions, hoping I had outgrown or quelled my irrational thoughts.  But the bottom line is this: My HIV negative status is mine alone to protect.  I am accountable to myself.  For this and other unrelated reasons, this relationship is not the right fit for me.

--- End quote ---

Yes. But you posted about your fears about tears yesterday. That is not the distant past, nor is it irrelevant.

*modified to add:

How very dare you. Your partner was weeping over the crushing reality that starting meds can bring down om a person. You post here wondering if those tears could infect you. And you wonder why I think you are a bad source of support for this person?

And then, just because, you try to turn it around and make it like you have been bullied or something? THAT is what you hate about these forums? I wold wager that the facts about HIV transmission would trump that, since you seem to think that your boyfriend's damned TEARS would be infectious, despite having been a posting member of these forums for a whole goddamned year.

Boyfriend fail on you.

I was actually trying to be NICE. But since you hate the fact that I am OBLIGATED to know your posting history, let me go all out. You are not at all equipped to handle an HIV positive partner. You have issues that you have refused to address, despite being privy to the depth and breadth of reliable HIV information AND the understanding that your mental disorder keeps you from assimilating that information. And to presumably avoid paying a subscription fee for the AM I FORUM, you post here.

Well guess what. I post here too. So does anyone else. And like anyone here, I have access to your posting history.

Your face, due to your screen name, might indeed be a thing of beauty. But your insides, illuminated by your last post here, tell a different story. I recommend that you repair your damage before embarking in a relationship with another damaged person. And get this, if nothing else: We are each of us damaged.

The fact that you said that this is something you "hate" about the forums implies that you have read WAY more than you have posted. If this is the case, why did you possibly expect a different reaction? You have dealt with a loved one's natural reaction to a difficult situation in a very bad way. Sorry that it hurts to be called on it.




beautyface:
Response to jkinatl2:

First, you do not know me, you think you know me.  Second, your posts are riddled with assumptions you have amalgamated from years of observations, some valid, about users of these forms, and in a truly epic fail attempted to apply them to yours truly.  You are correct when you say that I seem to read a lot here; I have, in particular your vitriol.

I will not quarrel with you, it is superfluous and serves no logical purpose.  I feel sorry for you, you see everything from your positive vantage point.  You lack a frame of negative reference.  I do not care that you think I am a bad person, I think you are a nasty judgmental one.  You know nothing about me.  Period. 

You were not there, you do not know how I consoled my friend.  It is more complicated than it appears, my manfriend is "terrified" of infecting me, and I have done nothing to make him feel that way.  I have kept my fears to myself and supported him as he tries to process this.  Am I concerned about protecting my negative status?  Absolutely I am.  Should I feel ashamed or the need to defend that?  Absolutely not.  There you brought it and bring it.  There's a difference.  I wish you the healing you so clearly need.

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