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Author Topic: My first labs in about 2 years - GODDAMNIT!  (Read 2659 times)

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Offline Iggy

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,435
My first labs in about 2 years - GODDAMNIT!
« on: October 11, 2006, 12:27:28 PM »
.
« Last Edit: January 12, 2007, 08:17:27 PM by Iggy »

Online Dachshund

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,975
Re: My first labs in about 2 years - GODDAMNIT!
« Reply #1 on: October 11, 2006, 12:37:45 PM »
Well, well, well, Iggles...it didn't, so you can't. I find your complaining to be a very good sign...if you didn't care you wouldn't be complaining.

So get off your ass and make me my soy mocha latte until something better comes along. I love you!

H

Offline Longislander

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,486
Re: My first labs in about 2 years - GODDAMNIT!
« Reply #2 on: October 11, 2006, 12:43:33 PM »
Hi Iggy,
Seems like your #'s have remained relatively consistent ( I'm no #'s expert). I'm glad they're helping you out there, and that you're back to seeing the doc's.

I hope you're ready to choose the right road for you. There must be a reason you haven't been successful at destroying your body.............

I hope B&N works out!

All my best,
Paul
infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

Offline LatinAlexander

  • Member
  • Posts: 599
  • Bogota, Colombia
Re: My first labs in about 2 years - GODDAMNIT!
« Reply #3 on: October 11, 2006, 12:44:35 PM »
Life has another joke for you...Are you gonna die? Yes...But guess what? I (life) will decide when, doesn't matter what you want....

Life is crazy.For now, I am happy for you....Happy you are doing fine, happy ...Simply happy

Alex
Poz since Jul 19 2006
Initial numbers : CD4-250 VL 3500
First labs after HAART (Dec 04-2006) : CD4-432 VL-<40 (Undetectable)  cd4%=25.11%
Started HAART: Combivir+Efavirenz Aug 26 7:38 pm
Feb 08 2007 - Gradually stopping HAART cause of Myalgia. Protecting Efavirenz. Stopped Efavirenz, ahead with Combivir....
February 17 Combivir stopped.
April 3 -07 : Started ddi+3tc+efavirenz...
Gay and positive (What a lack of Identity...:) )
Looking for my Ben....

Offline allopathicholistic

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,258
Re: My first labs in about 2 years - GODDAMNIT!
« Reply #4 on: October 11, 2006, 12:46:22 PM »
A perverse side of me wanted all to be bad.  I wanted to have no tcells and to be plagued with every possible std and disease

sounds like crystal-meth did some brain damage; it's notorious for shit like that. i have a strong feeling those sentiments aren't the "real you" talking but rather the crystal residue, or something along those lines. always remember we're here for you

Offline Iggy

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,435
Re: My first labs in about 2 years - GODDAMNIT!
« Reply #5 on: October 11, 2006, 12:51:28 PM »
.
« Last Edit: January 12, 2007, 08:17:48 PM by Iggy »

Offline aztecan

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,399
  • 29 years positive, 57 years a pain in the butt
Re: My first labs in about 2 years - GODDAMNIT!
« Reply #6 on: October 12, 2006, 10:28:11 PM »
Hey Iggy,

Yep, meth changes your brain chemistry, but I also don't know if it is permanent or not.

As far as this goes:

Quote
A perverse side of me wanted all to be bad.  I wanted to have no tcells and to be plagued with every possible std and disease (Jesus Christ - even my cholesterol was good) just so I could say Game over - I don't need to care anymore

I think many of us have indulged in self-destructive behaviour at one time or another.

I went seven years without seeing a doctor. During that time, I would be willing to bet my lifestyle would easily compare to yours - and maybe surpass it in some instances.

Things were a tad different then. There were no treatments, no viral load tests, in fact for the first several years, no CD4 tests (at least I don't thing there were.)

They didn't exist yet.

But I still had much the same attitude. I even thought about running my car off into a very deep ravine - no fuss, no worries, no long, dragged out sickness.

I didn't. I am grateful every day that I didn't.

I wish we had had support groups and/or counseling back then.

I wish this site was in existence. Boy, could it have made a difference.

All I had were the images of those I knew who were dying. Nasty deaths.

It was not a particularly good time in my life, but the booze, drugs and promiscuity at least offered a respite, albeit a hollow one.

It is a wonder that, after seven years of doing real damage to myself, I was still doing OK.

My CD4s were good the first set of labs I had done in 1992. Three years later, when the viral load was introduced, although still not considered standard of care until the following year, those numbers came back OK too.

You know what's amazing, I am also Hep C negative and do not have genital herpes. I am, frankly, amazed by this.

So, Iggy, I completely understand where you have been.

Now, where will you go from here?

I hope you will come to cherish each sunrise as much as I have. I am not perfect, and neither is my life. But, considering where I could be, I ain't complaining.

I, for one, am glad you are still here and still doing pretty well.

HUGS,

Mark
"May your life preach more loudly than your lips."
~ William Ellery Channing (Unitarian Minister)

Offline Lis

  • Member
  • Posts: 595
Re: My first labs in about 2 years - GODDAMNIT!
« Reply #7 on: October 12, 2006, 10:38:34 PM »
I would like to say....

"YES!!! WHAT MARK SAID"

thank you for being here Iggy!
poz 1986....

Offline Life

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,388
  • Member 2005
Re: My first labs in about 2 years - GODDAMNIT!
« Reply #8 on: October 12, 2006, 10:44:41 PM »
Doctor, is it alive?  Yes, I am afraid so... Starbucks? ;)

Offline Robert

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,646
Re: My first labs in about 2 years - GODDAMNIT!
« Reply #9 on: October 12, 2006, 11:21:44 PM »
It's a pain in the ass when things don't go our way, uh Iggy?

But in this case, I think it's a good thing.

robert
..........

Offline poobear

  • Member
  • Posts: 112
Re: My first labs in about 2 years - GODDAMNIT!
« Reply #10 on: October 13, 2006, 01:23:48 AM »
Iggy,
   I admire how you are brutally honest about you thoughts.  I am glad that u are still here and that your numbers are still good after 2years of abusing the hell out of your body.  with much Love Rachel

Offline Eldon

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,664
Re: My first labs in about 2 years - GODDAMNIT!
« Reply #11 on: October 13, 2006, 03:01:29 AM »
Hello Iggy,

In-spite of all your numbers look good. This is GOOD news for you! It is also GOOD to know where you stand so you can take proper action with your health. Please DO consider to initiate an exercise schedule of some sort, start a multi-vitamin, change your diet, drink plenty of fluids, and get your proper rest.

Acceptance and Self-Expression are two powerful traits to have.


Make the BEST of each Day! 

Offline Queen Tokelove

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,033
  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: My first labs in about 2 years - GODDAMNIT!
« Reply #12 on: October 13, 2006, 03:23:15 AM »
Iggy,

Congrats on the good counts! My take on it is that you are still needed on this earth and I'm sure at one point we all had our dark thoughts. Mine wasn't suicide, but I felt I should get revenge for getting this from an ex and thought to giving it to whoever wanted some of this "chocha". But then I thought of a friend who was put in jail for attempted murder for not disclosing. I guess you can say I had a heart to heart with myself and thought about how life would be for me if I was locked up for the rest of my life. I often think of my friend and wonders if he is still alive or even what prison he is in, that is not a good way to be remembered.
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline bobik

  • Member
  • Posts: 315
    • My worksite
Re: My first labs in about 2 years - GODDAMNIT!
« Reply #13 on: October 13, 2006, 06:17:12 AM »
Hi Iggy,

I think you're very honest. Not only to us, also to yourself.

Hug

Coen
Coen Honig at Facebook

Offline Moffie65

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,755
  • Living POZ since 1983
Re: My first labs in about 2 years - GODDAMNIT!
« Reply #14 on: October 13, 2006, 06:51:51 AM »
Iggy,

When we first met, I didn't get it.......  For that, I apologise.  .....  Now I get it..

Thanks for letting us in on what is currently going on in your body and mind.  I cannot tell you how enlightening this post is.

Please read Marks/Aztecan's post and suffice to say I understand also. 

In Love.
The Bible contains 6 admonishments to homosexuals,
and 362 to heterosexuals.
This doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals,
It's just that they need more supervision.
Lynn Lavne

Offline Iggy

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,435
Re: My first labs in about 2 years - GODDAMNIT!
« Reply #15 on: October 13, 2006, 09:01:25 AM »
.
« Last Edit: January 12, 2007, 08:17:09 PM by Iggy »

Offline Christine

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,069
Re: My first labs in about 2 years - GODDAMNIT!
« Reply #16 on: October 13, 2006, 11:31:06 AM »
Hi Iggy,

Thank you for sharing your post. I've made self destructive choices when I was young. I am still mad at myself for the stupid choices I made. I have been trying to understand how to forgive myself, but I still don't understand how to do that. Work in progress.

I do think we are all here for a reason. It may not be something grand, but just our everyday selves can help/effect people in ways which I don't think we always know. I believe in signs from above, and I see your tests results as the Universe saying we want Iggy here on Earth for a while longer.

Christine
Poz since '93. Currently on Procrit, Azithromax, Pentamidine, Valcyte, Levothyroxine, Zoloft, Epzicom, Prezista, Viread, Norvir, and GS-9137 study drug. As needed: Trazodone, Atavan, Diflucan, Zofran, Hydrocodone, Octreotide

5/30/07 t-cells 9; vl 275,000

Offline allopathicholistic

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  • Posts: 3,258
Re: My first labs in about 2 years - GODDAMNIT!
« Reply #17 on: October 13, 2006, 06:56:33 PM »
beautifully worded, Christine....

I figure with so many people (in the world I mean, not here in these forums) so "ever ready & willing" to dole out harsh judgment and harsh sentencing, that's even stronger motive to not be harsh with ourselves

 


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