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partner found out about hiv status

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brownsugar:
Hi everyone,
I am new to this site, so bear with me, i have a dilemma and don't know how to make it right. I dated a guy and it became quite serious, but i did not tell him about my Status, even though we were seeing each other for 8months. We used protection and I have bn on meds for the last 3 years and have undetectable levels.
Now, that he has found out, he is very angry with me and I feel like crap, because i lied to him, but i was ashamed and scared of rejection. How do i get him back, as he broke up with me over the lies....

emeraldize:
Hey Brown Sugar,

First off, you abandon the question " How do I get him back?"

Once you wrap your head around the worst case scenario, which it seems for you is that there will be no continuance of the relationship, then you think about what you want to say to him.

Then call, or email and ask if he would kindly meet with you because you would like to apologize to him and explain a couple of things. This presumes you never had that chance and that he just dropped you quickly once he learned. (How did he learn?)

If he says no. Accept it and move on. And, try not to set such a scene in motion in the future unless you like this sort of pain.

If he says yes, meet wherever you can have some privacy.  Think about being him. Very important part of putting together what to say. How would you feel if the exact same thing happened to you--a negative you?  Think about what was motivating you to withhold the information.

Sadly, the very thing you wanted to prevent by non-disclosure happened because you were perceived as a liar rather than one who told the truth, rolled the dice, took the rejection chance early rather than late or never.

If you get a yes from him to meet with you -- your sole goal is an apology and explanation.  He then deserves time to think about whether what the two of you were as a couple is worth re-engaging.

Good luck to you.
Em

brownsugar:
Thanks Em, he found out through my ex and not in a nice way, i should say. We have spoken about it a few times and he seems to have made up his mind. I've tried to explain and apologize, but it doesn' t seen to help. This was my first relationship in a very long time.
This really hurts!!! These are times, i cry and think, why me??? Why did i have to get HIV??? ( got it from my ex husband, who had affairs, during the marriage).

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