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Im Poz, he's Neg- :((

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Hi all,

im 27, an international student who will graduate this summer. I just found out im poz three days after i dumped my total-top-american BF -- just one day before Christmas Dec24,2012. Last time i tested neg was in june 2011.

I cried every nights in the first week, but now im feeling little better. im so scared.. I couldnt sleep well since then.

I called my ex that day.. cryin like baby and told him that im poz.. Aday later he tested neg, he showed me the paper.. i dont understand.. we've never played safe for 5 years livin together.  Of course i dont want him to get infected.. yes i had sex with other people men too but 95% safe. And im only sleeping around when my bf out-of-town. But at this point I dont care and dont want to know where i got it from. I cant undo it anyway.

Now that im poz and my ex is neg. He knows that i need his support.. and he always there for me. He always tells me that he loves me more than his own live and wanna marry me.

I know that he still want me back.. and he's not afraid of me and my disease. But i dont know if i still want to be with him. The reason we broke up was because he's very possessive.

However.. in the past few days.. My ex and I started to have sex again.. I told him to use condom and he refused it, he said he's not afraid of dying. He made me promise to bury him when he dies, not him bury me.

Q:Can he get infected? we have unsafe sex, im the btm.

I havent taken ARV drugs yet, so I dont know my CD4 counts. But im feeling healthy and never really sick. Right now I dont have a health insurance and it'd cost me alottttt to go back to clinic. But the Whitman Walker Clinic willing to help me to get ADAP and free arvs (only if im eligible).

after doing research.. I found out that in my country, we only have 5 different kind of  drug cocktail.. supplied from Thailand, compare to US, 20+ including one-a-day pill atripla and stribild.

Im aware ARVs therapy is a lifelong treatment. Now lets say.. im starting ARVs here in the US, and then within a year, im forced to go back home to my Muslim country, due to my VISA expiration.. can I still get the same ARVs, maybe i tell my US dr. so he can ship it to me????

Outside of accidents, Do all HIV+ people eventually die from AIDS related disease? I really dont want to be known dying from AIDS. im concern about my family back home and their neighbors. its horrible back there :(

Hopefully the federal law recognize gay marriage so i can get married and stay here.

He definitely can get HIV from you as the top. If i were you I would insist on his wearing condoms. If not for his sake then for yours. You want to be able to trust him but now that you know you are positive you need to take control of your own health and make sure to keep your exposure to any other STDs at a minimum. Things like Syphilis and Hepatitis are much harder to treat in positive people and you do not want to risk putting any additional strain on your immune system. Since you dont know where your numbers are you might possibly have a very high viral load, increasing the chance of passing the virus to him. If you care about him and yourself, INSIST on using condoms until you are on meds and undetectable.

i do not know the specifics of any of this but I'm fairly certain foreigners cant qualify for ADAP and I don't think there is any way for your meds to be shipped to you when/if you return home.

According to most stats out there, HIV positive people who are strict about their meds can live very long and healthy lives with little fear of succumbing to and dying from the opportunistic infections that typically lead to death. Many people currently living with HIV will never progress to AIDS levels if they stick with their meds and are diagnosed/begin treatment early enough.

Unfortunately, federal recognition of gay marriage is something that will most likely take years and years to take hold so I wouldn't hold my breath on that one if I were you. It also seems like you were having some issues with your relationship in the first place (you said you ended it because he was too possessive) so do you really think marriage would be a good route to go on? Things like immigration and HIV are serious topics, but so is marriage. You wouldn't want to enter in to something like that because of circumstances that seem dire right now only to find yourself trapped in a relationship you weren't happy with but dependent on to continue your quality of life and medical care that you had grown accustomed to here in the US.

It's kind of a red flag that your boyfriend doesn't care if he dies from AIDS and talks about you burying him and stuff. Maybe he has some issues too if he's so willing to put himself in harms way and blatantly disregard medical care so that if he was infected he would simply let himself die? I possibly read that wrong but it jumped out to me as a strange thing to say.

Welcome to the forums. It's a shame you had to come here but there is a lot of good advice and helpful people around here. I'm sure they'll give you some better advice than i just did, but thats my two cents anyway.

Hey there,

Welcome to the forums. Anyways, I was reading your post and I got the hunch that you are from Malaysia/Indonesia?

In any case, if you are Malaysian, do note that first-line treatment is free. The ones available for free gives you a total of 6 combos. You can ask your doc to put you on a regiment that makes it easy to switch over when you are here.
(AZT or d4T or TDF) + 3TC + (NVP or EFV).

I've been talking to some of the long term survivors here and the likeliest thing to kill you is the cost of second-line treatment. So... adherence, adherence, adherence!

Chin up :)

Miss Philicia:
fyi: US citizenship is NOT a requirement for New York state's ADAP program. It clearly states this fact on its web site. Basically all you must prove is your HIV infection (some paperwork from your doctor), residency in the state (rental lease, utility bills... that sort of thing), and income/assets.

Other than that I find it hard to believe that you're asking whether or not your partner can become infected at the present time by having sex with you with no protection. Seriously? In the absence of HIV medication you have a high viral load, so yes you're very infectious at the moment.

Right, i wasnt quite sure about that. I guess i confused residency with citizenship. I can't really remember all the paperwork i had to submit for that but I assumed citizenship was a requirement. It's kind fo strange to me that it isnt...


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