Main Forums > I Just Tested Poz

It Doesn't Feel Real, Yet...

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Well, let's see here...  Where to begin. 

My last OB/GYN visit was in May of 2005, and they did an entire network of blood, and I was fine.  They had tested for HIV, and everything was a-okay.

I'm not going to try to blame the dude who got me into this mess, because honestly, it takes two.  I had the results confirmed positive from the Western Blot yesterday, and I spent most of my day today calling anyone that I slept with since my last test, even if we did use condoms.  I may end up dead, now, from one of those people, but they need to know.

I haven't gone in for my CD4 and viral load counts.  That's my belated birthday present for next week.  I don't feel sick, and I haven't felt sick since I probably got infected.  Shoot, to be honest, I NEVER get sick.

I'm not scared, yet, and I'm not mad.  To be honest, it doesn't even feel real.  It feels like I'm in someone else's bad dream, and that I'll wake up any moment.

I think that the only thing that I am truly concerned about at this point is that when the doctor confirmed that I was positive, he also confirmed that I am pregnant.  My husband and I desperately want a child, but the doctor told me at the counseling session that I will have to take AZT (whatever the hell kind of med that is...  I still have to read up on it.  Aside from the fact that it was one of the first AIDS drugs used, I don't know much about side effects, and such.  I promise I'll read on it to keep from sounding ignorant in the future.  I don't understand any of this stuff, other than the fact that I'm not going to live until I'm eighty, most likely) throughout my pregnancy, and that the baby will have to take it after it's born.

I think that if this day could get any better, I might just puke.   :(

Ah dont puke, youll just have to clean it up....  Hang in there... Your in the right place for love and support and a long life.  Congradulations on the impending baby...  Wow,  life is great... And it will be...


Andy Velez:
Dear HHJ,

I'm glad you have found your way to our site. It's going to take a while for you to absob and get used to having HIV in your life. And even though IT and the issues connected with it may loom super-large to you now and in the coming weeks, gradually it's going to settle into place. And become a part of your life, but not by any means all that your life is about.

It's essential that you have a good  working relationship with your doctor and that he/she regularly monitors your numbers. No doubt you are concerned about your baby's health as well. I can tell you that the success rate with using AZT is very high in terms of being able to protect your unborn baby's seronegative status.

As far as you and your husband are concerned try and keep your communicating as simple, direct and honest as possible. That will help you to maintain the intimacy in your relationship in every way. You need to know that many thousands of couples are living together happily in every way including sexually, while protecting the status of the sero-negative partner. And you two can do that as well. It is important that whenever you have intercourse he should always be wearing a latex condom.

Most of all, don't feel you have to rush to do anything right now, including disclosing your status to others in your life. Take your time, and by and by, things will fall into place. Really.

You're always welcome here to ask questions or to discuss anything that's on your mind.


Hang in there HH...It will sink in when you are strong enough to deal with it...Trust me, it does get easier with time. 

hate to sound dumb, but why cant we live till 80?

bearing any other unforseen circumstance...i spoke to someone on a hotline and he told me he was 77..he's had the virus 25 years.


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