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Author Topic: Help pretty confused  (Read 4081 times)

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Offline Notsureaboutmyname

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Help pretty confused
« on: January 25, 2013, 11:14:14 AM »
So, I will keep this short as it is all a bit much for me to handle. I never bottom, I have once and it was ok but I remember feeling it even the day after. With that being said I am afraid I was roofied and raped. I will go into details later as it's still very upsetting and confusing. My question is if I was forcibly penetrated even blacked out wouldn't I feel it the next day? Wouldn't I? Someone tried but I put a stop to it and ran to the bathroom and fainted in a state of terror.

This whole nightmare took place in the matter of 30 to 40 minutes and all I remember are flash backs that just make me sick. Out of the flash backs non are of me getting fucked, but the people I left the bar with are abvously the worst kind of people.

Another question I have regards my PeP regime, which I started roughly 40 hours after the incident. The meds seem like the regular three pill deal zidovudine 300mg twice a day, lamivudine 150 mg twice a day, and then I take 2 pills of kaletra twice a day. Do you feel I made it to the er in time? I have no one to talk to and my doctor was nice but not very reassuring. I know you all seem to deal a lot with questions on PeP and transmission but I have yet to read success stories or failures. It seems like people kind of drop out. I just need someone to talk to other than my parents. Do you know people personally that PeP has worked for?

Another reason I worry is that my ass has been hurting since starting the kaletra due to the diarrhea. Do you think this is a sign of rape or just the constant side effect of the kaletra. I feel a bit uncomfortable and burning all day.
« Last Edit: January 25, 2013, 12:35:50 PM by Notsureaboutmyname »

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: Help pretty confused
« Reply #1 on: January 25, 2013, 01:07:47 PM »
First off, I am sorry about this distressing incident. Have you reported it to the authorities? Have you investigated counseling? It seems as though there are a lot of emotions at work here.

To your specific situation - it is highly unlikely that you would be anally raped, even when unconscious, and not feel it the next day. Successful and painless anal penetration takes patience, and the efforts of BOTH partners.

Kaletra is known for causing diarrhea. And it could easily get to the point where your ass is burning and uncomfortable. Some over the counter medications (like Immodium) can help. Others swear by the calcium found in TUMS or other chewable antacids.

As to the effectiveness of PEP - assuming you were anally raped, and that the rapist had HIV and a high viral load, you made it to the ER in time. The success rate of PEP is extremely high. It is, of course, imperative that you take your pills as prescribed, at the correct time. What you are taking are the same drugs used to treat HIV infection.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline Notsureaboutmyname

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Re: Help pretty confused
« Reply #2 on: January 25, 2013, 01:43:54 PM »
Thank you for your reply. I haven't gone to the authorities as I am not sure how much i can do. I should have had a rape kit done the day i went in, shoot I should have gone in 24 hours earlier but I was so confused. It really upsets me as all I have now are the clothes I wore and a few bruises that I pray happened when I fell. My doctor said i looked ok in the area, but that was seven days later. I have no clue, and i am going to a councilor soon. I found a nice doctor who i could open up to about the experience and he gave me the number.

As much as the situation is awful and grosses me out my main concern is my health. My doctor brought up the DNA HIV test as a way to confirm if I am positive, but isn't the whole point of being on PeP to take it for the 28 day? I would hate to get a false negative or positive without giving the PeP a chance. What do you think?

From what know about anal sex is if a condom isn't used more than likely you will have diarrhea and a stomach ache, is this true? As I stated before I never bottom, and would assume even if it was gentle I would have some blood in my stool. Would you agree? Also, I know PeP works but do you know people who it has worked for? The only person I knew was a Dr in the hospital.

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: Help pretty confused
« Reply #3 on: January 25, 2013, 02:05:29 PM »
Thank you for your reply. I haven't gone to the authorities as I am not sure how much i can do. I should have had a rape kit done the day i went in, shoot I should have gone in 24 hours earlier but I was so confused. It really upsets me as all I have now are the clothes I wore and a few bruises that I pray happened when I fell. My doctor said i looked ok in the area, but that was seven days later. I have no clue, and i am going to a councilor soon. I found a nice doctor who i could open up to about the experience and he gave me the number.

As much as the situation is awful and grosses me out my main concern is my health. My doctor brought up the DNA HIV test as a way to confirm if I am positive, but isn't the whole point of being on PeP to take it for the 28 day? I would hate to get a false negative or positive without giving the PeP a chance. What do you think?

From what know about anal sex is if a condom isn't used more than likely you will have diarrhea and a stomach ache, is this true? As I stated before I never bottom, and would assume even if it was gentle I would have some blood in my stool. Would you agree? Also, I know PeP works but do you know people who it has worked for? The only person I knew was a Dr in the hospital.

Well it is a great thing to know that you are seeing a good doctor and will find someone to talk through this incident.

Insofar as PEP is concerned, a few hundred of the people who have posted here in the ten years I have been giving risk assessment on this forum have used PEP. Now to be fair, more than half didn't need it to begin with, and many even lied to the ER doctors in order to obtain it. Off the top of my head, I only recall one person who ended up testing positive, and that was someone who started PEP long after the 72 hour window has closed.

I believe one of our members here was a nurse who suffered a needle-stick injury from an HIV positive patient with a high viral load, and though she started PEP right away, she seroconverted. Like anything else in science, PEP is not a 100% guarantee. But these two incidents out of probably close to a thousand PEP treatments on this forum alone is a pretty good indication how powerful that drug regimen is in preventing HIV infection.

Which for you means that your odds of coming through this without HIV infection are astonishingly high.

As for a test while undergoing PEP, I am puzzled. The purpose of PEP is to inhibit viral replication, and prevent HIV from entering cd4 cells (and if it enters, prevent it from multiplying.) The drugs you are taking disrupt the virus on a whole lot of different levels - which is why the drugs are so effective for people who have HIV. To my best understanding, this means that no test taken before six weeks AFTER you finish the last dose of PEP would be considered valid. I hope Ann or Andy or another authorized responder can correct me if I am wrong here.

As for anal sex, It would seem that if the perpetrator used a condom, the chances for blood and torn tissue would be greater, especially if he did not use adequate lubrication. Anal sex in general tends to require much more lubrication than vaginal sex, and the added friction of a condom with an unresponsive/unwilling partner sounds like a recipe for real damage.  Of course, so does sex with an unresponsive/unwilling partner WITHOUT a condom, unless copious lubrication and great care and patience is used.

But no, anal sex with or without a condom does not necessarily cause a stomachache or diarrhea. Violent sex might do that, but it's hard to separate the clinical damage from the impact of stress on the body- and stress can absolutely cause those things.

In short, you might never know what happened (unless you or the authorities are able to find and confront witnesses or the perpetrator) but what you described to me sounds like a common reaction to the Kaletra. It's actually one of the main reasons why Kaletra is not commonly used in the US to treat HIV anymore. Having painful diarrhea for a month can be rough- having it for a lifetime becomes a real quality of life issue.



 
"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline Notsureaboutmyname

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Re: Help pretty confused
« Reply #4 on: January 25, 2013, 02:16:15 PM »
Thanks again, this is a very rough time for me right now. I am in the process of moving in with my folks as I feel very unstable and incredibly unsure.

The test my doctor want me to take is a hiv1 proviral dna test. Does this test sound familiar? I hear they are very effective but I dont want to effect or change the PeP cycle until it is finished.

Also, wondering about the Kaletra, have you experienced sudden bruises?

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: Help pretty confused
« Reply #5 on: January 25, 2013, 02:43:19 PM »
Everything I have read about the hiv1 proviral dna test indicates that it is not intended to be used as a diagnostic tool. It can be used to confirm or deny an infection if an indeterminate Western Blot test occurs. And while running tests will in no way impact PEP or your results, PEP WILL have an impact on the ability of the test to detect HIV-infected lymphocytes.

Even if the doctor was running a baseline HIV test to see if you were previously  infected with HIV, I don't understand how running that test during your course of PEP will be of much use. Again, maybe someone else authorized to respond here can fill me in if this information is outdated or incorrect.

As for Kaletra causing bruises, I have read anecdotal reports that though rare, several drugs used to treat HIV can lower certain types of platelets, causing susceptibility to bruising. Among those are the other two medications you are taking, zidovudine (aka AZT)
and lamivudine (aka 3TC.)

Here is a link to these and other drugs used to treat HIV (and also for PEP and PrEP)

http://www.aidsmeds.com/list.shtml

You will note that the two drugs I mentioned are usually found in a single pill, called Combivir. And AZT can be a wretched beast, let me tell you. It is one of the first drugs developed (repurposed, actually) to treat HIV in the 80s and 90s, and at it's lowest dose it is still basically chemotherapy.

I will be blunt. These are potentially rough drugs, and you may be in for a rough month while taking them. I urge you to read up on them using the link I added, and do not hesitate to call your doctor if you experience any of the more serious side effects.

I was on AZT for a year - granted it was a FAR higher dose than you are taking - and for the entire year I felt like absolute hell. Fevers, anemia, stomach issues. The works. Quit that stuff as soon as better things came out, and haven't looked back since.

I was on Kaletra for less than two months before I demanded to be put on a better regimen. At the time I did not have a laptop or smartphone, so spending seven hours a day in the bathroom was an experiment in both agony and boredom.

Please remember that you will almost certainly come out of this OK.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline Notsureaboutmyname

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Re: Help pretty confused
« Reply #6 on: January 25, 2013, 04:37:57 PM »
Thanks for the reply. This is honestly a living hell. I keep wanting to contact the police but I have zilch. I honestly was put in a cab and sent home. I just called the police. It doesn't sound hopeful, but I feel that I should report something. I can't even recall where they live. It makes me sick to my stomach.

I would like to thank you all for listening to me. Would Anne or another person agree about the test? If those test could pick HIV up so easily why even prescribe PeP?

Offline Notsureaboutmyname

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Re: Help pretty confused
« Reply #7 on: January 25, 2013, 07:02:26 PM »
Well I just filled a report. They looked a bit disgusted. Nice enough but you could tell. I should have gone that day.
« Last Edit: January 27, 2013, 11:53:50 AM by Notsureaboutmyname »

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: Help pretty confused
« Reply #8 on: January 25, 2013, 07:19:40 PM »
Well I just filled a report. They looked a bit discussed. Nice enough but you could tell. I should have gone that day.

You did what you could do. If nothing else, this act might give you a little bit of relief.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline Notsureaboutmyname

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Re: Help pretty confused
« Reply #9 on: January 25, 2013, 07:56:17 PM »
Yeah, it was pretty bad. I could tell they thought I was just gross. Like "how can that happen?" Kind of adds to the whole I feel gross and dirty thing. All my friends that I have told tell me I am building everything up in my head, but I am freaked out. I know it sounds silly but I am honestly afraid that I was passed around.

I guess I should focus on making it through PeP, but it's still hard not to focus. I called another doc today to get his opinion on those test. I get a final one back on Monday that will let me know if I contracted gonorrhea and chlamydia. But with the proviral dna test why would the prescribe 28 days of PeP if they could find out so soon? I know that it's not for detecting HIV but honestly at this moment I'm just confused.

I had to sign up.:) money is tight right now as PeP has a hefty price tag but for the moment it's just nice to talk to people.
« Last Edit: January 25, 2013, 08:08:25 PM by Notsureaboutmyname »

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: Help pretty confused
« Reply #10 on: January 25, 2013, 08:08:33 PM »
Yeah, it was pretty bad. I could tell they thought I was just gross. Like "how can that happen?" Kind of adds to the whole I feel gross and dirty thing. All my friends that I have told tell me I am building everything up in my head, but I am freaked out. I know it sounds silly but I am honestly afraid that I was passed around.

I guess I should focus on making it through PeP, but it's still hard not to focus. I called another doc today to get his opinion on those test. I get a final one back on Monday that will let me know if I contracted gonorrhea and chlamydia. But with the proviral dna test why would the prescribe 28 days of PeP if they could find out so soon? I know that it's not for detecting HIV but honestly at this moment I'm just confused.

All you can do - all you NEED to do - is to take your meds, focus on the day, and get through this. Your tests will run regardless of your anxiety level. YOu need to take care of yourself right now, and let the rest of it sort out. I have every confidence that you are going to be OK.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

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Offline Notsureaboutmyname

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Re: Help pretty confused
« Reply #11 on: January 25, 2013, 09:22:43 PM »
Could I ask you about kaletra? Just wondering how instant the effect hit you? On my first dose I hit the restroom about an hour or two after I took it. In the morning I still kind of will have the same experience. Does this sound familiar?

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: Help pretty confused
« Reply #12 on: January 25, 2013, 09:34:36 PM »
Could I ask you about kaletra? Just wondering how instant the effect hit you? On my first dose I hit the restroom about an hour or two after I took it. In the morning I still kind of will have the same experience. Does this sound familiar?

Kaletra attacks HIV where it propagates most - in the gut (intestines.)

It is not at all shocking that you experienced intestinal issues. That's a combination of the Kaletra, AZT, and 3TC. Potent doesn't even start the conversation.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline Notsureaboutmyname

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Re: Help pretty confused
« Reply #13 on: January 25, 2013, 10:02:39 PM »
Think that's a good sign? Seems like the whole first day I was on the stuff I was using the restroom left and right. I don't know I guess it just is doing what it is supposed to do. I know this is just well wishing but do you all really get that good of feedback about PeP even people that take it late?

I'm just wondering about the timeframe for PeP. 40 hours should be ok, correct? I know you guys can't say I'm just looking for some reassurance. After all the numbers and talk on the web I'm just glad to talk to you guys.

Anne, what are your feeling on the viral DNA test while on PeP?
« Last Edit: January 25, 2013, 10:44:53 PM by Notsureaboutmyname »

Offline Notsureaboutmyname

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Re: Help pretty confused
« Reply #14 on: January 26, 2013, 12:58:12 AM »
So I have another question I keep hearing/reading reports of unprotected encounters. Most say within 24 hours, but all mention the three day rule. I started PEP at 40 or so hours... I know you cant quilfy anything but is that time frame ok? Also, I keep reading you stand a lot less of a chance from a one time encounter. If so, is this true? I'm confused by the repeated exposure and time frame for PEP. Do you have experience talking to people that had high risk exposures and didn't start PEP till later? From what I can piece together the hell I went through was brief and defiantly a one time thing.

Can you all point me to a more viable report? Something you all trust other than something I find stumbling around google and find?

Thank you for everything. It's honestly a relief talking about this right now.

Offline Ann

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Re: Help pretty confused
« Reply #15 on: January 26, 2013, 04:30:35 AM »
Notsure,

Ok, for a start, it really does not sound as though you were anally raped. Chances are good that you don't even need PEP.

For argument's sake, let's say you did need PEP. You started it in a timely manner, so stop worrying about that. Forty hours is plenty of time.

The doctor who is insisting that you be tested with DNA viral load testing is wrong. For a start, DNA testing is prone to false positive results and in your state of mind, that's the last thing you need.

DNA PCR testing is NOT approved for diagnostic purposes. The ONLY PCR (viral load) testing that IS approved for diagnostics is the RNA PCR.

However, there is absolutely NO POINT in testing you for viral load (DNA or RNA) while you're taking PEP. It's an exercise in futility.

The earliest RNA testing can usually pick up an infection is between 72 hours and a week to ten days following the act of infection. This is outside the PEP initiation window period, so this is why you weren't given that type of test before PEP was initiated.

All you are going to need is standard hiv antibody testing, at the appropriate time.

The earliest you should test is at six weeks after your last dose of PEP. (PEP extends the window period by how long PEP is taken, normally 28 days.)

The vast majority of people who have actually been infected will seroconvert and test positive by six weeks (or six weeks post-PEP), with the average time to seroconversion being only 22 days.

A six week negative is highly unlikely to change, but must be confirmed at the three month point.

Regarding the Kaletra related diarrhea, yes, it can come on just a few hours after taking the med. You can either get OTC imodium or ask the doctor for a prescription, which ever is easier for you. Go easy on the imodium; taking too much can cause constipation. Start out with a low dose and increase as needed and as tolerated.

I think I addressed all your questions - let me know if I missed one.

I seriously expect you to come out of this ok because;

1. I very much doubt that you were anally raped. (Your ass would have been sore as hell.)

2. Even if you were, you started PEP in a timely manner and PEP works.

Hang in there, you're going to be ok.

Ann
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Notsureaboutmyname

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Re: Help pretty confused
« Reply #16 on: January 26, 2013, 01:37:41 PM »
Thank you both for your answers. I worry about the anal rape because of the constant burning which I guess is from the Kaletra. That's what my doctor says and he even looked, but it still worries me. You would figure even passed out I would feel if I had been fucked, as I have said before I have only done it twice but when I did I could feel it and my ass was a bit moist and felt used. Sorry to be so graphic but this whole episode is very scary to me.

I was watching some videos on YouTube last night and it seemed like PEP is ver effective, but I can't get my fears to relax. One guy at a hospital in Australia said that they had a very high success rate. It still winds me up though.

I agree with what you say about the test and was a bit confused. It didn't seem, and well I'm no doctor, but it didn't seem that he understood the way PEP suppresses the virus. I also agree with you I'm not sure how I would handle bad news at the moment.

Are you all famelier with the success of PEP in Australia? I would just like to read a report. All the studies I pull up are all the same ones reagarding animals and medical exposures.

Also, I keep reading that HIV is more effective during repeated exposures. Do you know how much truth there is to this? I know numbers are numbers but I am curious.

Thanks again you guys.
« Last Edit: January 26, 2013, 04:05:20 PM by Notsureaboutmyname »

Offline Notsureaboutmyname

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Re: Help pretty confused
« Reply #17 on: January 26, 2013, 11:15:45 PM »
Just wondering if any of you have experience the anal burning on Kaletra? I know I've asked about it but with my fears and the constant anal burn it is driving me up the wall...has the extreme diarrhea made anyone's ass constantly burn and irritated?   

Also, through my constant web searching I have come across stories of people doing PEP numerous times!?! Wtf? I'm here freaking out and boneheads have done this shit a number of times?
« Last Edit: January 27, 2013, 02:32:58 AM by Notsureaboutmyname »

Offline Ann

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Re: Help pretty confused
« Reply #18 on: January 27, 2013, 06:38:06 AM »
Notsure,

Of course extreme diarrhea can make your ass burn. It makes my ass burn every time.

I suggest you get some baby wipes or moist toilet tissue to use instead of toilet paper while this is going on. (Make sure you check on the packaging whether or not you can flush the wipes down the toilet - you don't want a backed up bog.)

At the very least, put some water - or better yet - a dab of handcream on the toilet paper before you wipe. Wipes or TP with handcream makes a helluva difference to burning ass syndrome* from diarrhea.

*Don't bother googling "burning ass syndrome". I made it up. I suffer from it on a regular basis, so I'm allowed. By the way, I'm not just experienced where BAS is concerned, I'm also experienced where anal sex is concerned. There's no way you could have been anally raped and not felt the effects immediately afterwards. That's the voice of experience.

Your asspain problem didn't start until you started Kaletra - if the problem was due to the alleged rape, it would have started the minute you woke up from whatever stupor you were in. In other words, it would have started immediately after the alleged rape, NOT forty-some hours afterwards.

Not everyone has such a difficult time with Kaletra and diarrhea - but MANY do. You also need to realise that extreme anxiety can cause diarrhea on its own and the Kaletra may be adding to that, more so than the other way around.

You need to stop searching the web for things related to hiv. All it's doing is adding to your already high levels of anxiety - and that's not going to do your diarrhea problem any good. Knock it off already.

Regarding your earlier question about PEP in Australia... There have been no specific studies done into PEP used for possible sexual transmission of which I'm aware. PEP works the same anywhere in the world and the combo you're on is used world-wide. It's effective, otherwise it wouldn't be prescribed.

You are going to be ok. You're just going to have to trust me on that.

And stop with the Googling!

Ann
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Notsureaboutmyname

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Re: Help pretty confused
« Reply #19 on: January 27, 2013, 01:28:26 PM »
Thanks for getting back to me. This is just really hard for me right now. I live in an area that really is lacking in certain types of support. I am looking for some help but its hard as I am starting a new job on the fifth and I have no insurance. This is a huge worry for me as I am certain this person has HIV. All I recall was a quick insertion and I freaked out, but so much of it is a blur. It's why I asked about those exposure statistics and the repeated exposer statistics. This is something I never do and it just makes me sick to my stomach.

Would any of you know of a good support line that I could call?

Offline Notsureaboutmyname

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Re: Help pretty confused
« Reply #20 on: January 28, 2013, 12:22:16 PM »
Hey everyone I hate to bother you but can you give me an idea of the transmission satestics? I have seen a number of them and they all seem to vary a bit. One that I pulled off a study said transmission from a postive top to a negative bottom is like 30% to 60% does this sound correct?

I called a place today and have yet to hear back. I would like to talk to someone who is informed about PEP but being in Arizona it has been hard. I need to prepare for both the best and worst news and it is incredibly hard at the moment.

Offline Ann

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Re: Help pretty confused
« Reply #21 on: January 28, 2013, 12:38:52 PM »
Notsure,

Those types of statistics were pulled out of somebody's ass hat.

They're wild guesses at best because transmission rates (ie X amount of transmissions occurring following Y amount of risky acts) cannot be ethically studied.

Think about it. How would you set such a study up? Take a person and have them have unprotected anal intercourse with a poz top and count how many times it takes before they end up positive themselves?

Like I said, guesses at best.

I've already told you this - STOP searching the internet for all things hiv. All you're doing is fuelling your fears and upping your stress levels.

We're not here to hold your hand every time you cause yourself more worry courtesy of Google. Hand-holding is beyond the scope of this forum.

We've given you all the relevant information we can, now you're just going to have to get busy with other things while you wait for the appropriate time to test.

I fully expect you will test negative.

Ann
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Notsureaboutmyname

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Re: Help pretty confused
« Reply #22 on: January 28, 2013, 03:35:45 PM »
I know and thanks Ann. Just with everything going on I am having a hard time. I have made some calls today to find a councilor and made an appointment today with a doctor who know what's going on with PEP. I am sorry for bothering you all but this has been my only outlet to speak about what I'm going through.

Offline Ann

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Re: Help pretty confused
« Reply #23 on: January 29, 2013, 06:18:51 AM »

Out of the flash backs non are of me getting fucked, but the people I left the bar with are abvously the worst kind of people.



This is a huge worry for me as I am certain this person has HIV. All I recall was a quick insertion and I freaked out, but so much of it is a blur.


This has been in the back of my mind, bugging the hell out of me.

When you first posted and this incident was fresh in your mind, you didn't recall getting fucked nor did you initially mention any insertion.

I think your imagination has been running away with you.

The other thing that comes across in your posts (and has been bugging me) is that you seem to think you can tell if a person is poz or not by looking at them and/or by their behaviour. News flash: You can't. Hiv lives in people of all shapes, colours, sizes and personality types. It lives in people from ALL walks of life. It doesn't discriminate and neither should you.

In this case, I get the feeling that you think this guy(s) is poz because you think he's "obviously the worst kind of people".

Good people get hiv all the time too - and being poz doesn't automatically make a person the "worst kind of people". I think this is what is really behind your fears - you fear becoming the "worst kind of people" yourself. Knock it off. That attitude fuels and perpetuates the stigma and discrimination we poz people face every day of our lives. I'll thank you to stop adding to it.

I still fully expect you will come out of all this drama ok and hiv negative. Seriously.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Notsureaboutmyname

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Re: Help pretty confused
« Reply #24 on: January 29, 2013, 09:40:25 AM »
While I agree I may be letting my imagination get the best of me I know this person is positive. The events are very hard to recall and while I am scared I was also taken advantage of. I am sorry and I didn't mean to be rude about it this is just a very ugly situation.

Offline Notsureaboutmyname

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Re: Help pretty confused
« Reply #25 on: February 01, 2013, 01:22:39 PM »
Well I got my rectal chlamydia and gonorrhea results back and they are negative. All this puts me a bit more at ease. I know everyone says I would know if I was raped rectaly but just the thought of the night scares me to death. So, getting negative results for those two calms me a bit.

I went to a doctor who is familiar with PEP and was very confident about the regime and the timeframe I started in. I even contacted the San Fransico clinic before I could find someone to talk to and it sounds like they have great success when it come to PEP. I can't even begin to describe how kind the San Fransico clinic was. It was nice just getting direction from someone tangible, not that you all arnt great but it's nice to hear a voice and sadly it's been a bit rough in Arizona.

Anyways I have a meeting with a therapist on Tuesday but I am looking for someone that deals more in crisis as I have been having some major panic and worry attacks.

Offline Notsureaboutmyname

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Re: Help pretty confused
« Reply #26 on: May 26, 2013, 02:46:30 PM »
Hi All,

So, the past 4 months have been rough...particularly mentally. As hard as one try to not read the forums you cant help it. I have even paid to get some advice on my test from those ask the doctor forums. It just seemed to help to talk to someone about it. My doc here seemed to think after pep and my first negative I was fine. I have tried not to over test, but i wanted to know, and i've been going to therapy but the result has become part of my recovery from everything. I would like to avoid what was brought up before, well because if you really want to know you can read up on it. Of course i can answer questions regarding it, but i wanted to give an update and also ask you all a few questions.

so please bear with me...I really do thank you all for your time.

my first test was about a week after pep. the result was negative...my doctor and even someone who was very knowledgable on pep and hiv thought i should rest assured. i also tested for hepb and hcv and syphilis and it was all negative.

my second test was about 2 weeks later and was an hiv rna pcr. i know how much everyone hear disagrees with using the pcr as a test but i so wanted an answer. this also came out negative. it was undetectable basically under 20 copies. At this point both doc said i was conclusively hiv negative.

now to my third was a finger prick rapid at about a month. this was negative but i still was worried about everything. also to let you know this is when i really stepped up my counseling to about once a week...ugh i sound like a complete nut job.

so i then had another elisa 3rd generation test done at about the two month mark. this was also negative.

this now leads me to my 89 day or 3 month post pep test. at first i had another rapid finger prick and the result was negative but something made me feel uneasy about how rushed the testing seemed. i think i went to the doc at a busy period and they had to squeeze me in because of a scheduling mix up. so a few days later i had another 3rd generation elisa and full hepb and hcv screen. thankfully everything came back negative.

so that is all the testing i have done...i may have even left one out to save you guys the pain:) So i see that this forum and about every guideline other than the cdc and who say that the three month test is conclusive. can i rest easy? also, why do you think the cdc and who say a repeat test at six months? i would imagine the who is because not every location in the world has a labcorp down the way, and is the cdc guideline just conservative? the bassh guidelines and australia seem to be a bit more up to date.

so im sure you guys are bored to death by those questions but as much as i have tried not to read everything, i unfortunately have.

but is it safe to say im ok with my 3 month test? and i wanted to just give an update to my ordeal.

also a hello to you all. i have tried to be good about worrying my self sick but late at night i would find my self reading this bored and all the others. i just wanted to thank you all for helping people with the fears that a possible exposure can bring. i have found mine in particular to be crippling, and i have found sharing my situation with you all to be therapeutic.
« Last Edit: May 26, 2013, 02:52:31 PM by Notsureaboutmyname »

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Help pretty confused
« Reply #27 on: May 26, 2013, 05:16:56 PM »
At 89 days post-Pep your negative result is absolutely conclusive. You are HIV negative. Period.

Now it's time for you to stop with the what-ifs and handwringing drama and get on with your life.

HIV is not a problem for you at this point. You need to make a determined effort to put this behind you and get on with your life. It's just that simple.

Andy Velez

Offline Notsureaboutmyname

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Re: Help pretty confused
« Reply #28 on: May 26, 2013, 05:41:28 PM »
Thank you Andy, and yeah I need to calm down. With the therapy and anxiety I know I can be a pain. It just makes me feel a bit better to talk about things. I know that this forum isn't the most appropriate place, and that the what-ifs need to stop. It's just been a very hard time in my life and my support other than family has been a bit disapointing. The people I have gone to for help haven't been the best. It's been a lesson in vunrability for myself and others, and how people handle it.

I am sorry about that post filled with typos it just helps to be able to talk to someone about it. Most of my friends or past friends are straight males and I kind of was dropped like a bag of bricks.

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: Help pretty confused
« Reply #29 on: May 26, 2013, 06:39:08 PM »
Thank you Andy, and yeah I need to calm down. With the therapy and anxiety I know I can be a pain. It just makes me feel a bit better to talk about things. I know that this forum isn't the most appropriate place, and that the what-ifs need to stop. It's just been a very hard time in my life and my support other than family has been a bit disappointing. The people I have gone to for help haven't been the best. It's been a lesson in vulnerability for myself and others, and how people handle it.

I am sorry about that post filled with typos it just helps to be able to talk to someone about it. Most of my friends or past friends are straight males and I kind of was dropped like a bag of bricks.

You have been through a lot, that's for sure. And you know something? Now that HIV is totally off the table (it is. No really) you can focus on the real healing that needs to be done.

Don't write off all straight males because your "friends" vanished. Now you know who you have in your life, who you REALLY have to count amongst your true friends. Maybe some housecleaning was overdue. There will be other friends. Gay, straight, male, female, whatever. Get out and find them. Make sure they care about the real you - as much as you care about them.

And continue with the therapy! It's not for the weak-hearted, and you will emerge a stronger, better version of yourself.

You deserve happiness, health, and peace of mind. Of course, we don't always get all these on the same days - so you deserve the strength to hold out on the days when one or more is lacking. You can absolutely get there.

As for other sites and the six month thing, I dunno what to tell you. We at AIDSMEDS periodically check peer-reviewed sites like aegis.com to see if there is news on the transmission front, such as testing windows and studies and the like. Sadly, not everyone does this, and it really shows when dealing with a disease like HIV where we have seen HUGE strides in treatment and prevention in the last decade or so. The "set it and forget it" theory of some health-related websites serves their populations poorly, and perpetuates misinformation, distrust, far and stigma. Better to have half a dozen reputable, evolving sites than hundreds of crap ones in my opinion.

And when I rule the internets, all that will change.

But until then, thanks for checking back in here. Glad to see that HIV is out of the picture as regards your incident. Obligatory use a condom for penetrative sex speech goes here.

There is a saying that goes "you are going to be OK the second you realize that you know you will be OK." It starts within you. I really have faith you are going to get there. Past there, even.

Take care.

*modified for spellcheck, and to remind you that typos are no big deal :)
« Last Edit: May 26, 2013, 06:43:06 PM by jkinatl2 »
"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

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Offline Notsureaboutmyname

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Re: Help pretty confused
« Reply #30 on: May 27, 2013, 10:23:08 AM »
thank you for the kind words jkinati. and sorry to stilll post worry filled comments i just kind of got in that state of mind, which of course led me to reading way more info than i should have. darn google and the ease of info. sometimes it can be a good thing and sometimes it can be a pretty bad thing, this being a good example of when it can worry you to death.

just have to try to keep a level head about things now and i agree maybe it wasnt such a bad thing to see how people reacted when i reached out for help. just disappointing. as far as playing goes it will always be safe and to be a bit more cautious in many ways.

thanks again for the kind words and you and ann dealing with my worried posts.

 


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