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Just found out I was poz yesterday

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Hey Souledout.

Thanks I have to think of this in a new light. I know that I can still carry on and do what I need to do with the life I have been given. Going through so hardships in the past.. I don't want to go back to that place. I was close to slipping back into that routine and not wanting to do anything. I have been reading a lot of articles of how to positively effect the mind and tap into my consciousness. Writing in my journal and having at least my two best friends in this new journey has helped immensely. And you're right, I would have never forgiven myself. I moved to this city for a fresh new start and for the past 4 months have been enjoying it so much. And there's no reason not to continue. So forward I go!

You will be fine. Deal one thing at a time. I found an intresting spiritual artical "We Have The Ability To Bounce Back " by "Maulana Wahiduddin Khan" which is copied below. Hope this helps. Take care..

Resilience is a law of nature. It means the ability to recover quickly from illness, change, or misfortune. It can be found everywhere -- in the physical world, the plant and animal worlds and the human world.

Resilience in Physics means the ability to return to the original form after being bent, compressed or stretched. The same is true of the plant world and the animal world. Every creature inherently possesses the power of resilience.

Human beings have the lion's share in this gift of nature. Bruce McEwen, head of the laboratory of Neuroendocrinology at the Rockefeller University has researched this subject and has concluded: “The human brain is very resilient. Give it a chance and it will make every effort to repair itself.”

We are living in a world of challenge and competition. Due to this, every day we experience something unpleasant. Every day we suffer some kind of damage both intellectually and materially. This is a problem for every man and woman. Such problems are a part of nature. But nature has also provided the remedy for this problem, and that is, the power of resilience.

The only thing that is required is an eight-lettered mantra, that is, patience. When you suffer some kind of damage, either internally or externally, keep your patience. Be empty minded for a while. This is what Dr McEwen has called ‘giving the mind a chance’. If you give this chance to your mind, it will soon release a strong energy and this energy will provide you the help required in any untoward situation. For example, in the case of anger, the mind will readily manage it; in the case of material loss, it will enlighten you as to how to do new planning; in the case of tension, it will provide you the formula to forget, and within minutes you will become tension-free.

The formula of resilience is also applicable to the problems of nations. One such example is Japan. Japan was the first to suffer the dire effects of the nuclear bomb. During the Second World War, the Allied powers dropped two atomic bombs on Japan, and for all practical purposes, the country was ruined. But Japanese leaders and the people, consciously or unconsciously, followed the formula of resilience. They were able to re-plan their national targets and the result was miraculous: After just thirty years, Japan emerged as an economic superpower.

A recent example of the power of resilience is what happened in the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy in the US. During this catastrophe the US lost about 110 lives and suffered losses of $50 billion. But, within a month, the US was able to bring things back to almost normal.

Studies show that our mind has enormous potential, perhaps unlimited potential. And that potential is tapped by the power of resilience. In a normal situation, this potential remains dormant. When one has any kind of unusual experience, the brain becomes active and starts unfolding its hidden energy. And if it is given a chance, it will certainly recover all the losses. The only condition is that you should not disturb its natural process or stop it by some unnatural activity.

A simple demonstration of resilience is your remaining silent when you become angry. Remain silent, make your mind empty and the mind will pacify everything within a minute. Very soon you will feel normal. On the contrary, if you become provoked and react negatively, your anger will persist, and will very soon turn into malice and even violence. Follow Maulanaji on our website,

Thank you hope4love but this is tougher than I think I can handle.

This week was rough. I received a new work assignment, still adjusting to taking meds every night and now next week I'm meeting with my boyfriend. He is going to test again because next week officially we have had no sex. I haven't even seen him since we got back from our vacation. Well he's refused to see me is more accurate. We were happy and I had yet to go see my doctor. He made a promise to me on that trip that he would never let me be lonely. He's my  best friend and we had a solid friendship before dating. How things change so quickly. I have never cheated on anyone, was honest in this current relationship but because I believed in someone I feel like I'm being punished. I have narrowed this result down to my ex. When I left he had the house, already moved in his new girlfriend and his living out his life blissfully unaware, even though he was sleeping around with so many girls. I believed in him and gave him all of me and this is what I get?
I have been having a hard time focusing on work and don't know if I can keep up with the charade right now. I don't want to be around anyone, don't even want to be around myself right now. My life feels like it's falling apart slowly and this is just the beginning? This is too much to take on.

Welcome! I spent nine days in the hospital when I wa diagnosed - like you I thought my ex was faithful and I can't find him now. When the doctors suggested an HIV blood test for me as I had classic symptoms (CMV, KS and weight loss) I agreed to it, signed the paperwork and then commented that  positive result would not surpriseme nor would it upset me as I was aware there were ways to manage the infection. I was fortunate to know a few long term survivors in my area.

One of the docs who saw me while I was in the hspital wrote on my chart each day that I was pleasant, in good spirits and rational - as I told him, I had sex with other males and there was always the possibility of infection.

Educating yourself is the best thing.

its so strange,,why we all try to pin point,,, when when,,, how how,,death death,,Its not a death sentence anymore,,as long as you take control,,get tested,,and go for regular checkups,,granted it will change your life that goes without saying,,little rashes, sweating,fugal infections,,and medication side affects,,but they are all treatable,,,just respect your body more,,think what you eat,drink,
I remember when the fight began between,,the virus and my fighter cells,,shit 1 year ago today,,,5 weeks of the flu,,,well I NEW IT WASNT THE FLU,,I was high risk my partner IS HIV ,wont take meds long story.
then in November 2012 I FOUND the strength to get tested,,now I'm IN CONTROL ,just never turn your back on your enemy,,the INVISIBLE virus.


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