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Author Topic: Just found out I was poz yesterday  (Read 5000 times)

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Offline Justme2012

  • Member
  • Posts: 14
Just found out I was poz yesterday
« on: January 20, 2013, 11:29:23 AM »
I posted in new member but figure I should post this here as well. Just searching for what to do...
I just found out last week that I was poz. My current BF took rapid test and it came back neg. He has blood test scheduled for Monday. Last person I was with is also neg. Then there is that ex, he cheated on me with numerous people, but can't get a hold of him. We ended on bad terms so he will never call back more than likely.
I just overwhelmed and still trying to process everything. I did more blood tests yesterday and have to wait two more weeks. I'm scared of those results as I was not expecting these results at all. Should I talk to doc about meds now or wait for those results? I can't even think about telling my parents. I'm an only child and know this will devastate them. I have been on a roller coaster ride of emotions and was up all night. Called off work today and my manager was stressing me out. All questions about why and can't you just come in a deal with it type of response. I had just been crying right before and know I sounded off. Just trying to gather my thoughts here and not have a complete emotional breakdown but I feel it coming anyway... I really just don't know what to do from here. Oh and at the same time I tested poz for herpes. Doc did tell me I caught HIV early so I guess that's a good thing.
My current BF is goes from supportive to outright freaking out. He has survived 2 close calls with death, from car accidents, and can't fathom possibility of HIV. But like I mentioned earlier his tests are coming back negative. We have been having unprotected sex since June...
1/19/13 tested poz
1/23/13 Cd4 339 VL 90
1/23/13 start Atripla
2/21/13 Cd4 553 VL undetectable

Offline Homopoz

  • Member
  • Posts: 21
Re: Just found out I was poz yesterday
« Reply #1 on: January 21, 2013, 04:13:19 PM »
Sorry to hear about it.. I got tested poz January 3rd, it still feel raw. Try to get suport from another poz who knows what you are going through. This forum is a good place to start but face to face conversation is better. Do not rush to tell anyone  about your status yet, take your time. You will know when it is a right time to tell someone and who you should tell. I have not told anybody except my partner (my doctors know it too).
I still feel too that my life came to the end but I have to get up everyday for work and continue my life like nothing happened. Like you, I took a day off to digest the news (luckily, I had a weekend off too). On Monday I went to work and continued talking to my colleagues like everything was ok. It was hard because I was completely devastated.
You may want to start researching any info available. It is normal too. But do not overwhelm yourserlf with it. There is too much infor available, and it can make things worse.. When you start getting depressed, just walk away from the computer, take a walk, watch a movie.
With medications, wait for test results. You want to know whether your hiv has any resistance to any drug available (never thought about it? Me either!). I have not started my meds yet as we are waiting for the resistance test results. Another worry on top of it, right?
Let your emotions go in their flow, be angree, be sad, be mad but make sure that there is someone around you who can help you cope with them too. I do not allow my emotions flow over me, but it is me, and  I feel that my healing process will be longer unless I allow the emotions spill out of myself.

Offline NY2011

  • Member
  • Posts: 138
Re: Just found out I was poz yesterday
« Reply #2 on: January 21, 2013, 11:21:26 PM »
you're both going to be okay. it sounds crazy right now, but it's true. the fact that you're researching it, have come across a peer site like this, and are making an effort to educate yourself, means that it's likely that it will all work in your favor.  The treatment regimen options of today are much better than they've ever been, and they're likely to continue to improve.  There's a site that helped me a lot when I had specific questions that I wanted answered by a doctor. Here's a link:
http://www.thebody.com/content/40482/ask-the-experts-about-hiv-aids.html?ic=3001
I'm a little over a year into this, and although it's been one hell of a long one, I've learned a lot, and I'm at the point where it doesn't dominate my thoughts during the day. The disappointment and fear will be replaced with hope and confidence soon enough.  It will come on your own time.
« Last Edit: January 23, 2013, 03:56:16 PM by NY2011 »
10/26/2011 - SEROCONVERSION (hi fever+rash)
10/31/2011 - CD4= 154  VL>500,000 
10/31/2011 - started on Truvada+Prezista+Norvir
12/14/2011 - CD4= 750 VL=6412 (45%)
01/27/2012 - switched to Atripla
04/23/2012 - CD4=1,221 VL= 140  (47%)
06/22/2012 - CD4=1,224 VL= ud    (49%)
12/18/2012 - CD4=1,031 VL= ud    (51%)
09/16/2013 - CD4=1,151 VL= ud   ( 49%)

Offline Justme2012

  • Member
  • Posts: 14
Re: Just found out I was poz yesterday
« Reply #3 on: January 22, 2013, 01:44:55 AM »
Thanks to you both  :)
Yeah I have been racking my brain to figure out the when. My doctor told me that it was "recent" transmission and I have no idea who??? My current is neg to date, and two people from within past three years all said neg. I just can't figure out how! I think that will subside, but it's been on my mind since Saturday. I even entertained the idea of false positive. I called my doctor this morning to have medical files transferred from another doc. I do have PCOS, my mom and aunt also have PCOS and my mom actually had to have a hysterectomy, it was the 80s at the time, to remove cancerous cells. I also have had viral throat infections since my teens. I usually get them around winter time. Not the flu just crazy red marks all over the back of my throat and have had white patches and swollen tonsils when it's been at the worst point of infection. And of course I have been online to see if it's possible. My doctor called later today and said that there's a very slight possibility of false poz, but highly unlikely. I had more blood work done this past Saturday and she said those results can take up to two weeks. Hoping to find out sooner than later either way.
1/19/13 tested poz
1/23/13 Cd4 339 VL 90
1/23/13 start Atripla
2/21/13 Cd4 553 VL undetectable

Offline Souledout

  • Member
  • Posts: 145
Re: Just found out I was poz yesterday
« Reply #4 on: January 22, 2013, 05:50:14 AM »
Hi, sorry that you had to find this place. I'm quite new here myself, in a similar position as yourself. I too was told is was a recent infection and have been wracking my brains as to how it could have happened as there was no obvious exposure over the last few months. For a long while it dominated my thoughts. Luckily, I'm slowly coming round to the idea that it doesn't really matter - we've got it no mater where we got it from. I would be interested to know where from but it doesn't really make much diference.

Remember that people are quite entitled to lie if you ask them if they are positive, they may want to keep things quiet on there end for their own reasons. You may never find out. I may never find out (I kinda envy those people who can point to their exposure, I find unanswered questions hard to deal with, always have).

Don't hang on to the idea of a false positive, it's the dashing of hopes that hits hard.
Infection sometime April-August, no noticable seroconversion symptoms
Not currently on medication
13/09/12 CD4 672 (33%) VL <40 (diagnosis date)
18/09/12 CD4 ?               VL 43
27/09/12 CD4 ?               VL 127
19/11/12 CD4 676 (38%) VL 959
03/03/13 CD4 642 (32%) VL 291
04/07/13 CD4 791 (33%) VL 26,437 (active cold sore, tooth infection)
18/07/13 ------retest------VL 3704
18/11/13 CD4 802 (36%) VL 65

Offline Homopoz

  • Member
  • Posts: 21
Re: Just found out I was poz yesterday
« Reply #5 on: January 22, 2013, 11:00:16 AM »
I am also interested to find out who infected me but what I have learned so far is that the that I person might think that he is negative since he took his test while the virus would be blooming... I guess, u in our case we just need to focus on ourselves and our own health.
We cannot change anything but accept the fact that the we are poz and need to be make our lives as manageable as possible. I still cannot believe that I am the poz, but I can't let it rule my life.. I know that there will be issues as I move in on but I will be dealing with them as they come.

Offline Justme2012

  • Member
  • Posts: 14
Re: Just found out I was poz yesterday
« Reply #6 on: January 23, 2013, 12:26:20 PM »
Hey Souledout I know after discussing with my doctor and she did tell me that Western blot confirms I'm poz but with those pre-existing circumstances theres a very slim chance. So not hanging on but weirder things have happened to me. I'm just anxiously awaiting second test results.
Homopoz, yes definitely hard to put on a face to get through work. I wear my emotions on my sleeve and this has been a challenge.  I started meditating at the beginning of January. Had some crazy things happen to me and this year was the beginning of reconnecting to my spirituality and even looking at a career that I can really enjoy. I like my current job but haven't loved it in a couple of years.
I have a support group that has been suggested to me bu terrified of going. That makes it more real than I'm ready to deal with.
1/19/13 tested poz
1/23/13 Cd4 339 VL 90
1/23/13 start Atripla
2/21/13 Cd4 553 VL undetectable

Offline Souledout

  • Member
  • Posts: 145
Re: Just found out I was poz yesterday
« Reply #7 on: January 23, 2013, 03:03:42 PM »
I hear what you're saying about the support group. Anything that makes it real at this stage can be a bit too much. Like me, you'll find it a little easier every day I'm sure.
Infection sometime April-August, no noticable seroconversion symptoms
Not currently on medication
13/09/12 CD4 672 (33%) VL <40 (diagnosis date)
18/09/12 CD4 ?               VL 43
27/09/12 CD4 ?               VL 127
19/11/12 CD4 676 (38%) VL 959
03/03/13 CD4 642 (32%) VL 291
04/07/13 CD4 791 (33%) VL 26,437 (active cold sore, tooth infection)
18/07/13 ------retest------VL 3704
18/11/13 CD4 802 (36%) VL 65

Offline Justme2012

  • Member
  • Posts: 14
Re: Just found out I was poz yesterday
« Reply #8 on: January 23, 2013, 05:28:10 PM »
Yeah I just have to take it one day at at time. I promised myself after a bad relationship two years ago that I wasn't going to put my life on hold. I can't break this promise to myself and have to trust myself that I can do this. Still have no plans to tell my parents for now. Got back from doctor today. I'm glad that I have found a doctor that I like. Everyone there has been great.
1/19/13 tested poz
1/23/13 Cd4 339 VL 90
1/23/13 start Atripla
2/21/13 Cd4 553 VL undetectable

Offline Souledout

  • Member
  • Posts: 145
Re: Just found out I was poz yesterday
« Reply #9 on: January 24, 2013, 02:05:34 PM »
Great attitude. It won't derail your life if you don't let it. The day after I found out I spent an hour looking in the mirror telling myself I wasn't going to let it break me. I couldn't go off the rails, I was in the middle if setting up my own business and was needing to make a good impression in another job. Id have never forgiven myself if I allowed it to mess up everything I'd worked so hard for.

It's all about keeping positive (apologies for the cliche).
Infection sometime April-August, no noticable seroconversion symptoms
Not currently on medication
13/09/12 CD4 672 (33%) VL <40 (diagnosis date)
18/09/12 CD4 ?               VL 43
27/09/12 CD4 ?               VL 127
19/11/12 CD4 676 (38%) VL 959
03/03/13 CD4 642 (32%) VL 291
04/07/13 CD4 791 (33%) VL 26,437 (active cold sore, tooth infection)
18/07/13 ------retest------VL 3704
18/11/13 CD4 802 (36%) VL 65

Offline Justme2012

  • Member
  • Posts: 14
Re: Just found out I was poz yesterday
« Reply #10 on: January 29, 2013, 10:30:29 AM »
Hey Souledout.

Thanks I have to think of this in a new light. I know that I can still carry on and do what I need to do with the life I have been given. Going through so hardships in the past.. I don't want to go back to that place. I was close to slipping back into that routine and not wanting to do anything. I have been reading a lot of articles of how to positively effect the mind and tap into my consciousness. Writing in my journal and having at least my two best friends in this new journey has helped immensely. And you're right, I would have never forgiven myself. I moved to this city for a fresh new start and for the past 4 months have been enjoying it so much. And there's no reason not to continue. So forward I go!
1/19/13 tested poz
1/23/13 Cd4 339 VL 90
1/23/13 start Atripla
2/21/13 Cd4 553 VL undetectable

Offline hope4love

  • Member
  • Posts: 56
  • Every Problem has a Solution.
Re: Just found out I was poz yesterday
« Reply #11 on: January 30, 2013, 01:29:36 PM »
You will be fine. Deal one thing at a time. I found an intresting spiritual artical "We Have The Ability To Bounce Back " by "Maulana Wahiduddin Khan" which is copied below. Hope this helps. Take care..

Resilience is a law of nature. It means the ability to recover quickly from illness, change, or misfortune. It can be found everywhere -- in the physical world, the plant and animal worlds and the human world.

Resilience in Physics means the ability to return to the original form after being bent, compressed or stretched. The same is true of the plant world and the animal world. Every creature inherently possesses the power of resilience.


Human beings have the lion's share in this gift of nature. Bruce McEwen, head of the laboratory of Neuroendocrinology at the Rockefeller University has researched this subject and has concluded: “The human brain is very resilient. Give it a chance and it will make every effort to repair itself.”


We are living in a world of challenge and competition. Due to this, every day we experience something unpleasant. Every day we suffer some kind of damage both intellectually and materially. This is a problem for every man and woman. Such problems are a part of nature. But nature has also provided the remedy for this problem, and that is, the power of resilience.

 
The only thing that is required is an eight-lettered mantra, that is, patience. When you suffer some kind of damage, either internally or externally, keep your patience. Be empty minded for a while. This is what Dr McEwen has called ‘giving the mind a chance’. If you give this chance to your mind, it will soon release a strong energy and this energy will provide you the help required in any untoward situation. For example, in the case of anger, the mind will readily manage it; in the case of material loss, it will enlighten you as to how to do new planning; in the case of tension, it will provide you the formula to forget, and within minutes you will become tension-free.

 
The formula of resilience is also applicable to the problems of nations. One such example is Japan. Japan was the first to suffer the dire effects of the nuclear bomb. During the Second World War, the Allied powers dropped two atomic bombs on Japan, and for all practical purposes, the country was ruined. But Japanese leaders and the people, consciously or unconsciously, followed the formula of resilience. They were able to re-plan their national targets and the result was miraculous: After just thirty years, Japan emerged as an economic superpower.

 
A recent example of the power of resilience is what happened in the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy in the US. During this catastrophe the US lost about 110 lives and suffered losses of $50 billion. But, within a month, the US was able to bring things back to almost normal.

 
Studies show that our mind has enormous potential, perhaps unlimited potential. And that potential is tapped by the power of resilience. In a normal situation, this potential remains dormant. When one has any kind of unusual experience, the brain becomes active and starts unfolding its hidden energy. And if it is given a chance, it will certainly recover all the losses. The only condition is that you should not disturb its natural process or stop it by some unnatural activity.

 
A simple demonstration of resilience is your remaining silent when you become angry. Remain silent, make your mind empty and the mind will pacify everything within a minute. Very soon you will feel normal. On the contrary, if you become provoked and react negatively, your anger will persist, and will very soon turn into malice and even violence. Follow Maulanaji on our website, www.speakingtree.in




Jan 2009 - Sero Negative
Jan 2010 - Sero Positive
               CD4 - 275, VL - 18,000
Oct 2010 - CD4 - 241, Started - Vonavir; Oct 2011 - CD4 - 474;Jan 2012 - CD4-620; Aug 2012-CD4-600, VL- UD; Jan 2013 CD4-493, VL-72 IU/ml   (Blip)

Offline Justme2012

  • Member
  • Posts: 14
Re: Just found out I was poz yesterday
« Reply #12 on: February 01, 2013, 12:16:36 AM »
Thank you hope4love but this is tougher than I think I can handle.

This week was rough. I received a new work assignment, still adjusting to taking meds every night and now next week I'm meeting with my boyfriend. He is going to test again because next week officially we have had no sex. I haven't even seen him since we got back from our vacation. Well he's refused to see me is more accurate. We were happy and I had yet to go see my doctor. He made a promise to me on that trip that he would never let me be lonely. He's my  best friend and we had a solid friendship before dating. How things change so quickly. I have never cheated on anyone, was honest in this current relationship but because I believed in someone I feel like I'm being punished. I have narrowed this result down to my ex. When I left he had the house, already moved in his new girlfriend and his living out his life blissfully unaware, even though he was sleeping around with so many girls. I believed in him and gave him all of me and this is what I get?
I have been having a hard time focusing on work and don't know if I can keep up with the charade right now. I don't want to be around anyone, don't even want to be around myself right now. My life feels like it's falling apart slowly and this is just the beginning? This is too much to take on.
1/19/13 tested poz
1/23/13 Cd4 339 VL 90
1/23/13 start Atripla
2/21/13 Cd4 553 VL undetectable

Offline DrewEm

  • Member
  • Posts: 53
Re: Just found out I was poz yesterday
« Reply #13 on: February 05, 2013, 02:05:23 AM »
Welcome! I spent nine days in the hospital when I wa diagnosed - like you I thought my ex was faithful and I can't find him now. When the doctors suggested an HIV blood test for me as I had classic symptoms (CMV, KS and weight loss) I agreed to it, signed the paperwork and then commented that  positive result would not surpriseme nor would it upset me as I was aware there were ways to manage the infection. I was fortunate to know a few long term survivors in my area.

One of the docs who saw me while I was in the hspital wrote on my chart each day that I was pleasant, in good spirits and rational - as I told him, I had sex with other males and there was always the possibility of infection.

Educating yourself is the best thing.

Offline tommytj

  • Member
  • Posts: 17
Re: Just found out I was poz yesterday
« Reply #14 on: February 23, 2013, 03:04:59 PM »
its so strange,,why we all try to pin point,,, when when,,, how how,,death death,,Its not a death sentence anymore,,as long as you take control,,get tested,,and go for regular checkups,,granted it will change your life that goes without saying,,little rashes, sweating,fugal infections,,and medication side affects,,but they are all treatable,,,just respect your body more,,think what you eat,drink,
I remember when the fight began between,,the virus and my fighter cells,,shit 1 year ago today,,,5 weeks of the flu,,,well I NEW IT WASNT THE FLU,,I was high risk my partner IS HIV ,wont take meds long story.
then in November 2012 I FOUND the strength to get tested,,now I'm IN CONTROL ,just never turn your back on your enemy,,the INVISIBLE virus.
A HIDDEN STRENGTH WILL HELP YOU,I FOUND IT

 


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