Main Forums > Someone I Care About Has HIV

advice plz - friend has advanced AIDS - when should I tell his family?

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wolfter:
I'll share my experience and hope it sheds some light.  I was in my early 20's and had only tested positive a couple of years earlier when I developed AIDS.  I had never had the gay discussion with my family and was adamant at the time that I wouldn't.

I was even more determined that they'd never know that I had AIDS.  My secret goal was to figure out how to die without them knowing the truth.  Unknown to me, the doctor told my partner to contact any family who might want to say their "goodbyes".  Most of my organs had shut down and it looked grim.

I don't recall a great deal about that time.  But I vividly recall waking and seeing my mother holding my hand and talking to me.  She had a lot to accept in a short period and had become my greatest support.  Instead of witnessing shame, humiliation and judgmentalness, I received love, support and concern.  My brother flew home from Turkey and rallied to my needs. 

I was initially upset with Bill but quickly discovered it was a gift beyond belief.  I truly believe that my family rallying behind me gave me the strength to fight.  I recall one conversation where my mother demanded that I needed to fight and not let the virus win.

What that experience provided me was the ability to recover and finally live a life without shame and fear.  To finally believe that I wasn't what deemed myself to be because of my own irrational fears. 

As a parent myself, I know that I would want to know and be upset if something so life threatening was withheld from me.  Parents have that unique ability to accept and love regardless of situation.  I still think back and realize I was selfish with my actions. 

I think you need to let both your heart and mind guide you.  As long as your actions are pure and done with your friend's best interest in mind, you'll make the correct decision.

Best wishes!  Your friend is quite lucky to have a great friend!

Wolfie

emeraldize:
Wolfie -- That is a great illustration of the potential for positive impact by family and the want of a patient to rally.

Miss Philicia:
Clutch the pearls -- wolfie has a child?

Jeff G:

--- Quote from: Miss Philicia on January 21, 2013, 04:36:03 PM ---Clutch the pearls -- wolfie has a child?

--- End quote ---

I hope he didn't get those stretch marks .

wolfter:

--- Quote from: jg1962 on January 21, 2013, 04:55:33 PM ---I hope he didn't get those stretch marks .

--- End quote ---


--- Quote from: Miss Philicia on January 21, 2013, 04:36:03 PM ---Clutch the pearls -- wolfie has a child?

--- End quote ---

Why do you guys always have to be such snarky little bitches? :o  Haven't we also had the discussion about parenthood in these here forums b4?

Sorry to the original poster for going off track.

wolfie

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