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My Story

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Bulldog !

Hi.Im so glad that you told your story.Im sitting here feeling teary eyed after reading it.

Wishing you a good future.Your family and friends sound amazing



Hi Aaron

Great story,thanks for sharing.I have been poz for 8 or so years but I still get alot out of such success.big up!!

Figured its been enough time since my initial post so I'd put out an update. Let me start by saying that Spinal Taps or "Lumbar Punctures" suck some serious ass, not that it was as painful as my tat but its been 24 hrs and the post-tap headache is a beast. But I'll get to that...

My ex and I are back together, in our weird little way, complicated?No, we blew past complicated years ago. I think the initial shock has passed and he's starting to accept it for what it is, as am I. We are doing our best to just take things sorta slow and I've began imposing some rules for myself to help, wanna hear them? Sure you do... I haven't gotten a concrete list yet but I joke (anyone see that movie zombie land? If not rent it, its hysterical, this kid survives and tells you his rules to stay alive in zombieland ) that these are my poz-nation rules to live by. (Feel free to submit suggestions)

Rule #3: relax and find ways to enjoy yourself, even when your not.
Like hanging out with someone at first glance u didn't want to, you may just find out how much fun that person is.

Rule #2: your never too old for a little homework. 
seriously, if u don't know or understand something, do some research.

Rule #1: laugh hard, love often and live well.
This has many meanings, take it however you need.

Back to me and j, I've moved in with him and his roommate in the next town over, and things are not so bad. I try to calmly explain stuff I know he doesn't understand and we try to make each other laugh constantly.  Things are going well and I couldn't be happier (minus the headache from the LP). He hasn't outted my status to any of his friends yet but has impressed me by learning with me.

We were at a bar and some friend of his (who I call motormouth, kid could suck start a Harley he talks so damn much) who he works with was gossiping about someone we all know having Aids. J knew...he felt my awkwardness BC I don't just announce it in public to people unless I have to

Rule 5: don't be afraid

plus our other friend that night his ex was +, J calls his friend out in front of everyone about his ignorance. I have to admit it impressed the hell out of me, like when did he grow a pair? He since has been a blessing for me, makes sure I eat plenty and am always smiling, to name a few.

Yesterday, he took off work last minute to drive me 45 mins to the next town for my Spinal Tap (something my Dr and I setup a few weeks ago as a followup to check how my CNS fluid has been handling the meds).  He ran to my pharmacy and got my refills while I was in procedure and was waiting to drive me home when I got out a few hours later.

Now this Spinal Tap thing,

I've had one before when I was hospitalized at diagnosis, and I was so doped up I barely remember much from that week, but I just remember it wasn't too painful (and I'm a total wuss around needles or at least I used to be). I made the choice to let the Dr order this one thinking "it won't be that bad".  I learned this, occasionally while they do the procedure they may graze your "ass nerve", it didn't hurt it was weird tho. My butt cheek just contracted and my leg just sorta shot straight out. No damage or anything bad unless u count the nurse joking about how u involuntarily just kicked her in the boob full force, emotionally damaging.

The thing they warned me about was this damn head and back pain. 24 hrs later, I'm walking hunched over a little (like a 6'3 mister burns, with rock star hair and killer abs), my back is super sensitive and I have the worst migraines. Upon doin my research I've found that apparently this is common; liquids, rest & laying flat help a lot.  But seriously, has anyone had anything similar before? Also has anyone taken (Sp?) Sorconazol, thoughts?

I'm glad to see I've hit almost 1,000 hits in this forum to date. I hope to keep it going and will post more "big updates" as they come.

Be well, Be loved,


I really valued the opportunity to read this.

Much love and thanks

well, time has passed again

the bf and i are done (again, for good this time)

lets just say things got a little crazy toward the end.

Have all men gone crazy? i know im a little crazy but i mean legitimately CRAZY!  He told me the day i was planning to propose to him that he "Loves me, but hasnt been in love with me" for some time now.  Then i find out later on he has been cheating on me left and right for over a year now.

I mean seriously? hasnt loved me for some time now, how the hell is that? and why am i always the last to find out?

needless to say this wasnt how i anticipated the first of 2014 starting out. now im back on the single train and pretty much miserable again.

I have a new job at an adult bookstore where i can educate ppl about being poz, and honestly i love it. my job is a blast (no pun intended).  the only downside is being stuck living in the same town as my NOW-Ex, and slowly finding out that the entire time we were back together all these ppl who were pretending to be my friend were sleeping with him behind my back. I shouldnt be so mad at them i suppose, he is a slut, he is the one who initiated it all, but honestly im madder than hell at everyone about it.

i want to move away from here. i just wish i could pick up my job and take it with me to another city, another state and start over.

my numbers are getting better too, viral load is still undetectable and my cd4 is gradually improving still.

anyone need a houseboy? lol


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