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Author Topic: Boyfriend diagnosed last week  (Read 1952 times)

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Offline D30

  • member
  • Posts: 2
Boyfriend diagnosed last week
« on: January 16, 2013, 06:38:52 PM »
Having recently got over a phobia of HIV and meeting the most fantastic man ever, he told me last week, on the same day that he got his results, that he was HIV positive.

Our story started in August 2012. We met whilst we were both abroad for work and I knew from the very beginning that he was a very special man. Things between us moved fairly quickly but we never lost ourselves in the 'high school romance' feelings, instead staying honest with each other and realising that our feelings were mutual.

Now, we're in love. What you could describe as a perfect relationship between two guys.

The day he told me the results of his diagnosis, I felt numb. A numbness quickly followed by anger and then feelings of how the world could be such an unfair place. I'd be lying if I said I'm over these feelings, but I must admit that after a week my priorities have turned from my feelings into only wanting the best for him.

He quickly told me that he'd understand if I wanted to leave the relationship given his diagnosis. This is NOT an option for me, and I'm not going to let some shitty virus destroy a relationship and love which has so much potential.

Having had a phobia of HIV and getting over it be researching as much as I could regarding transmission routes etc, I'm surprised that this phobia has not resurfaced. In fact, I feel confident about staying free of this virus myself. I took a HIV test right after his diagnosis which came back negative, and according to all of the advice on this website, we never had a risk factor.

My only priority right now is making sure he stays healthy.

To cut a long story short, my boyfriend lost his father to AIDS and theorises that it was in fact the drugs used to treat the AIDS infections that contributed to his death. As a result, he's intensively researching non-traditional treatment methods but I think he realises that at some point he may have to take traditional ARVs.

My only desire is that he stays healthy, both physically and mentally. Our relationship is strong enough to survive this and I'm 100% behind him.

I wanted to be able to write my thoughts down here. If anybody has any input, I'd love to read it.

My final words for tonight - This online community helped me so much as somebody who never really had anything to worry about. Now, I want to help somebody who needs care and love.

To all of those affected by HIV, either directly or indirectly, I pray for us all and hope that we can overcome this awful thing which isn't worth giving up on.




Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 11,948
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: Boyfriend diagnosed last week
« Reply #1 on: January 16, 2013, 07:12:10 PM »
To cut a long story short, my boyfriend lost his father to AIDS and theorises that it was in fact the drugs used to treat the AIDS infections that contributed to his death. As a result, he's intensively researching non-traditional treatment methods but I think he realises that at some point he may have to take traditional ARVs.

When did his father die of AIDS?  In the 80s and into the 90's, there was some pretty heavy medicine.  People were going to die of HIV, then, as now.  Back then, they took what was available.  They got sick from HIV, AIDS infections, and sometimes the heavy drugs made people feel even more ill. Though, those drugs did help some survive to take advantage of the new, good drugs.   

Now we would all still be dying of AIDS, eventually, but for the medicine. Which works very well indeed.

News flash for your bf.  HIV kills.  2nd flash - HAART works, and its not poison. 3rd flash - "alternative therapies alternative medicines" never saved anyone from HIV.

The most important thing for your bf and anyone to realise, to live well with HIV, is to live in the present. It is 2013.  Medicine for HIV does not kill. Quite the contrary.  In your bf's case, when his body reaches the time to start medicine, it will stop HIV dead in its track and your BF is looking at normal life expectancy and probably not all that much trouble from HIV.  I guess you know that so your job is to help him know that....

Encourage him to join this forum. Encourage him to talk to real doctors, and people at HIV/AIDS service organisations.  And people living with HIV and being treated in the standard Western medicine.   Encourage him to ask about alternative medicine to all these people.

He must learn the facts and that should make him stop with this alternative nonsense.  All that stuff is VERY dangerous and people still die believing such crap, and not taking advantage of standard Western Medicine. They believe it, they get sick. They die. Sometimes they have last minute changes of mind and try HAART, and maybe they pull through. But they've been ravaged by HIV.  In this day in age. What a shame. A scandal. Criminal.  All for nothing.
« Last Edit: January 16, 2013, 08:48:30 PM by mecch »
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline Rockin

  • Member
  • Posts: 494
Re: Boyfriend diagnosed last week
« Reply #2 on: January 17, 2013, 05:04:30 AM »
D30, Mecch is right....the medicine these days don't kill, HIV untreated does. And so far there has been no proof, NO PROOF, that "alternative" treatment works. Trust me, a lot of people tried and they are no longer here to tell the story.

I started taking meds 1 year and 6 months ago and I'm feeling fine, my health is great. There is no reason whatsoever your boyfriend should feel afraid of it.


I have one question though, regarding you and overcoming your phobia: how is the sex life between you two? Is it ok, no paranoias? It's just that I'm seeing a guy and I'm about to tell him as well and he also had a phobia of HIV so I'm hoping our story turns out the same as yours.

Offline D30

  • member
  • Posts: 2
Re: Boyfriend diagnosed last week
« Reply #3 on: January 17, 2013, 08:48:49 AM »
I have one question though, regarding you and overcoming your phobia: how is the sex life between you two? Is it ok, no paranoias? It's just that I'm seeing a guy and I'm about to tell him as well and he also had a phobia of HIV so I'm hoping our story turns out the same as yours.

Considering we had a lot of sex before he had the confirmation of his diagnosis, which was always safe, I see no reason to worry. I tested negative last week which means we're doing something right! And sex is still fine.

I think that my phobia hasn't resurfaced simply because I love the man and realise that everybody has something.

I think that if you feel that the bond you share with this guy is strong, then your HIV status will not destroy the relationship nor the sex.

Offline Rockin

  • Member
  • Posts: 494
Re: Boyfriend diagnosed last week
« Reply #4 on: January 18, 2013, 09:41:04 AM »
Considering we had a lot of sex before he had the confirmation of his diagnosis, which was always safe, I see no reason to worry. I tested negative last week which means we're doing something right! And sex is still fine.

I think that my phobia hasn't resurfaced simply because I love the man and realise that everybody has something.

I think that if you feel that the bond you share with this guy is strong, then your HIV status will not destroy the relationship nor the sex.

That's how I feel as well. Thanks for sharing your story man, it gives hope to a lot of people.

Offline Whitneyluva

  • Member
  • Posts: 6
Re: Boyfriend diagnosed last week
« Reply #5 on: January 19, 2013, 11:06:19 AM »
I hope my story turns out like yours. The guy i've been dating is having a hard time dealing with his positive status and is ending things with me because he's afraid he's going to give it to me. He just found out back in October.

Offline thomi

  • member
  • Posts: 1
Re: Boyfriend diagnosed last week
« Reply #6 on: February 10, 2013, 05:50:33 PM »
Hi all,
I just want to share with you my recent experience. I just recently met great guy, before decide to do not protected sex, we go together tested. My test was negative, unfortunately he got positive.
I was prepared for getting positive result myself, not that I wanted but I know that could happen especially that I did few times unprotected sex, I was tested every 6 months just in case, because of my active sex life. That was his first test ever.
I was sad but it didn't changed anything in our relationship. I am ready to support him, because I waited all my life to meet such great guy.
I want him to feel comfortable, and sure that I will never leave him because he is hiv positive.
I am ready to support him. I am even ready to heard some day that I am also hiv positive. Of course we will use protection.

 


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